An unexpected closure.
It's been ten years. She had a sudden realization that it has been that long since she last saw him. If you don't count the occassional times when she checked his social media to see if he is still as happy as he claimed to be the time when he left her for a better life. She wondered how he's been. Not in a resentful way, but she genuinely cared to know.
She goes back to the top of the page that she had been reading, realizing that her eyes moved along the lines of the text but she took in nothing. She tried to not concentrate on her wandering mind, but she failed. She closed the book and placed it on her bedside table. Ten years of him not knowing what she had gone through since he decided to leave their love behind. She dreamed of him every other night, that's something that he will never know. She cried for him, pretending to be okay, bled for him, and almost thought of suicide. But those dramatic memories of pain are over, and now exist like a numbed scar. Still, she wondered if he remembered her fondly. All the mishaps and mistakes she made, were they forgiven? She was a child, unknowing of how she should give love. She was naive, but her only console was that she was true. She wondered if the memories they shared together were enough to sooth him in moments of distress. It they did, it would be enough.
It's almost midday and she hasn't had breakfast. She realized that there's no more milk so she gets dressed and heads out to get some. This distraction helped her forget about her longing thoughts for a little while. And her thoughts vanished with the clanking of keys as she stumbled to lock the door.
It's a sunny day. Winter is making her way into spring. What a beautiful life, she thought. Just as she turns the corner of the street, there he was, 15 meters away, heading towards her. He was looking down while he walked, with his hands in his pocket. She had so many questions. Why was he here? He's not supposed to be in the same country, let alone on the same street. Should she talk to him? Will he recognize her? Why is he alone? She slowed down her footsteps. She can't feel her knees. Then she completely stopped, and then for a second pretended to not see him when he looked her way. But her instincts betrayed her, she did a double take.
Their eyes locked. His eyebrows confirmed that he was just as confused as she is, but they quickly relaxed. She started slowly walking again. Maybe she doesn't have to be the one to decide. Maybe he doesn't want to talk to her and that's fine. She is fine with that. And it's not until he walked right past her without slowing down that she realized she was not. She felt his burning gaze as they brushed shoulders, almost certain that she is imagining it. She squized her eyes shut in that moment, and held her breath. But in a split second it was over. She let out a sigh and resumed her walking speed, letting this be another mystery that she will probably take another three years to figure out. She was prepared to give up. She was determined to.
"Claire?" He called from a distance not five steps behind her. And she realized he'd stopped completely right after he walked past her.
She turned around, a little more quickly than she'd liked. "Hey."
How should she react? What should she do? He is coming towards her now. She cannot escape this pull that he projects.
"Hey, I thought that was you."
"Hi." She repeated, giving herself some time to process this.
"I found you." Wait, he was looking for her?
"What?" She was still baffled.
"I'm sorry to show up without warning."
"What do you mean?"
"I have been here for 3 months. I knew you were here so I came searching for you. But I was too impulsive when I got on the plane and I didn't know what to say to you once I've found you, so I guess I didn't actually try very hard to find you." He blurted.
All this doesn't make any sense. Why would he be looking for her? Isn't he supposed to be happily married by now?
"Why are you here?" She finally started to ask one of the 300 questions she had in her mind, but the moment she asked it, she realized that she might have appeared too rude.
He seemed hesitant. He took a deep breath and said, "Should we sit down and have some coffee?"
She agreed. She was starving. And she wanted to hear his story. Her heart fluttered at this opportunity to learn about his life in the past decade. And she desperately pushed away the thought that he might actually still be in love with her. Why else would he travel half way across the world to see her? She tried to remain calm and polite, although deep down inside her it burns.
"Could I have a long black please," he said to the young waiter. She didn't remember he liked coffee.
"An omellete and a latte for me. Thanks." She said.
"Sure." The waiter picked up their menus and left.
"Still the same breakfast, huh?" His eyes glowed in the bright sunlight coming from the windows. She blushed.
"So, how are you?" She started again, as calmly as she could although her heart almost left her chest.
He smiled painfully. "I've been thinking...about you."
She didn't know what to say. "Why?"
He looked down for a second but immediately looked back up, almost as if he doesn't want to lose sight of her.
"You're as beautiful as the day I left you." He blurted again.
"Um, thank you, Al - Albert." She corrected herself. And for a moment she saw a hint of tear fog up his beautiful brown eyes.
"It's been 10 years, hasn't it?" He spoke her mind.
"Yes. It has." The memory of them sitting on the grass, gazing at the clouds passing by, filled her mind. On that faithful day, she did not realize that it would be their last. Although, she did feel a little strange. He was not truthful about what he was saying. She should have known, that perfection is delicate. She was not perfect enough for him. He had been sidetracked, by another lover, one younger and more beautiful. How could she ever stop to think that he would love her forever, unconditionally and untiringly?
The pause was so long but he knew she was reliving the painful memory, that same memory that he fabricated on that perfect sunny day.
"I'm sorry," he began, "about everything." And that was the moment she broke into tears for the first time in front of him.
The end
Heart racing and melting
All at the same time
His determination to give up on us
Glowed like the morning sun
He was ready, he could not wait another day
He could finally be free
Of my thick, endless love
I wonder how did I manage
In this screeching darkness
He is really going to leave me
For someone else in this world
This shall be the one last moment
I get to ask something of him
So I gathered my courage
And collected whatever's left of my soul
I've always done what I wanted
But too hastely so
This time it's harder, though
I rose up and sank
I whispered, stung by shame,
"Can I ask for one last kiss before I go?"
He stopped in his tracks
And pain filled his eyes
Annoyance? Regret? Embarrassment?
But he kissed me in a rush
And then he slowed
The burning sun has set
This is unmistakable
I must have changed his heart
#partfiction #prose #memories
The Mountain Between Us
We're stranded together
Lonely as alone could ever exist
Just me and you
I feel it has been years, possibly decades since i've known you
I've seen your beautiful smile
Heard your beautiful voice
I have yet to stare into your eyes, but I imagine them being as beautiful as the view from the peek of this mountain
This is my moment... Our moment
I can take it right now
Just lean over, and kiss you
But I wont
Something is holding me back
Maybe it was the damage to my head from the crash
Maybe it was the damage to yours in the crash
Maybe its the thought that we'll die
Or maybe..
Just maybe...
Im too scared to do it.
I fear what I could do so easily, just rip the band-aid off and come clean about it
But I wont
Instead here I am
Leaving hints, footprints to what I mean
All because of the mountain between us
Im at the base, while you're at the peek
Im searching for ways to escape
While you're enjoying the view as it lasts
Afterall, we are both stranded in the same place
But i'm just scared
Scared to lose you
The Hidey House
Within the woods so bleak there is a light
That shines inside a house as black as pitch
Such troubles there would make for quite a sight
The cobbled walk gives rise to a great fright
As darkness scratches at skin like an itch
Within the woods so bleak there is a light
The beams from upstairs windows pierce the night
The golden threads that tell of tales quite rich
Such troubles there would make for quite a sight
The darkness trembles, rays like some great blight
A patched-up story showing every stitch
Within the woods so bleak there is a light
Great peals of laughter echo in the night
The tales, they say these come from a strong witch
Such troubles there would make for quite a sight
The house has carved itself a deep, dark niche
The light shall disappear as by a switch
Within the woods so bleak there is a light
Such troubles there would make for quite a sight
#horror #poetry #villanelle
Solstice Tears
In the essence of winter sleep,
I shed my solstice tears.
As I look through a pane of glass,
snow falls onto the hoary grass.
A distorted world
made even more distorted.
I walk on the cold wooden floor,
and down the frigid corridors.
My breath becoming tiny clouds,
as a breathe the frosty air.
I shiver the whole trek,
finally making it to the fireplace,
after what feels like an eternity
Only to see a note on the display
There shall be no warmth in this house.
I sit in a chair next to the fireplace,
right in front of me lies the source
of my solstice tears. It reaches
out to grab my soul, but I won't
let it. Fear has taken men souls,
but it will not take mine.
Suddenly, I see logs I never noticed before
and throw them into the fireplace.
As I try to start the fire, the sign
on the display grew in size
There Shall Be No Warmth In This House
I continue to try to start the fire,
becoming overwhelmed with anxiety
And filled with adrenaline.
I look at the sign. It had decuple in size.
THERE SHALL BE
NO WARMTH IN THIS HOUSE
I can not stop now. I must keep going
Fear has taken men souls, but it
will not take mine.This, I am sure.
It starts to snow inside the house.
And I’m still trying to start the fire.
The light snowfall picks up in speed,
the freezing wind sends sharp pains
down my back, but I can not stop now.
I’m still trying to light the fire as the snowfall
becomes a blizzard. I look at the sign. It had centuple in size.
THERE
SHALL
BE
NO
WARMTH
IN
THIS
HOUSE!
The heavy snowfall and the freezing wind
sending sharp pains through my back
all told me to stop, but I could not.
I must keep trying to light this fire.
Until finally, out of nowhere, I got a spark
And the spark grew in size.
There was fire in the the fireplace.
There was warmth in this house.
The blizzard stop. The freezing wind stop.
The frigid corridors became less frigid.
The cold wooden floor had become warm.
When I look out the pane of glass
I saw no snow on the ground, just hoary
grass.
THERE WAS WARMTH IN THIS HOUSE!
And then I awoke from my somber
As I look through a pane of glass,
snow fell onto the hoary grass.
I shed my solstice tears
A distorted world
made even more distorted.