Just give me a little bit. A little something to know that there is still a rose that blooms between us. Our avoidance is wiltering it, and I can't watch it fade anymore. My every waking moment these days has been me providing sunshine, and water to an already dying symbol of love, and it's tasking...I'm running out of supplies. So do this for me, just this one thing:

Act Like You Love Me

Act Like You Love Me so I can go on.

For the sake of my sanity, fake it for me. Until I know that there is no hope for us.

Perhaps this was how I was suppose to go. Years and years of learning about life, growing and living, only to be here now, falling. My life had lead to this. A baby born in 1998 was meant to die in 2019, if only my mother had known, if only I had known. I would've lived my life differently. I would've said, "Fuck it," to being scared. I would have put aside doubt in myself to really live a little. Although, perhaps, this was all my life was suppose to be. I had lived the life etched out for me since my inception. Perhaps I could've have changed a thing. I find it miraculous how millions of what-ifs and possilities can race through my mind before I hit the ground.

From the perspective of the experienced eye, I guess you could say that having something to loose means you care so deeply for something that it has instilled a fear in you. A fear so strong it has changed your ways, and fabricated a whole new you that you never expected to exist. And this loss can come from all walks of life. Perhaps you'll begin to observe the most miniscule of things in your efforts to take in the beauty of the world, before your breath escapes for the last time. Maybe your every waking moment will be to revel in his laughter as it reverberates through and around you. As fear holds potential truth to the fact that that might as well have been the last time you see his green eyes disappear behind eyelids crinkled in laughter, or the last time that this sun will ever shine on your face. A luxury denied by very many.

So I guess my answer is that loss creates fear, but not fear of living, fear of living without.

And if loss has already happened, then, hopefully, you have memories that resonate for the rest of your lifetime.