pour me

your strongest cup

of poison

we will drink

as foes,

live

as friends,

and die

as lovers.

In tribute to Leonard Cohen

I sang the syllables

but I didn't really

understand

I've never been in love

or broken by it

I haven't been in the world

long enough to

know a heart

the ways it aches

and breaks

The radio buzzes with static

cracks with electric heat

The laundry feels rough on the skin

of my hands

flaking and dry

A familiar song

sits in the grass by my side

sinks into my bone marrow

floats in my mouth

My lips open and

beautiful sounds

fall out

Hallelujah.

Amanda and I sat among the stars and looked up at the ground. The blue with eddies of white stretched through it were my favorite. In my head, they were lovers.

“When I go, I want to be in the blue.” I told Amanda. She laughed a little and looked over at me. I looked back and was stunned as usual by the wild black curls that framed her face. She was beautiful, always beautiful. And forever smiling and happy. It was what I loved about her.

“Life doesn’t happen in the blue parts.” She reminded me. I shrugged.

“Still. I want to live in the blue.”

She rolled her eyes and kissed my cheek. “Whatever you want, love.”

I smiled, even though groundgazing made my stomach spin. Everything down there was so small. How could anyone exist in a place that could not reach infinity?

I was afraid of how I would be down there. The stories were vague, but they were not beautiful. Here was so beautiful. And time was ticking away. I could leave at any moment, and be thrust into a world I knew so little about.

Suddenly the ground looked too close and my lungs didn’t want to breathe right. They expanded larger and larger, but nothing filled them and they became two internal vacuums, sucking the rest of me away with them.

Amanda wrapped her arms around me and pulled me closer. I was spinning in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by the dark and the stars until I caught upon her eyes.

“Babe. You’re here with me. You’re okay.” She knew how I got. We’d have conversations that spooled on for what felt like forever, talking about anything and everything. So of course she knew how I got. And she was always there, my anchor.

I kissed her and closed my eyes and pushed everything far away. We were safe, on the edge of existence. Amanda wasn’t going to leave. I wasn’t going to leave. We would be together in the stars forever.

“I love you.” I told her.

“I love you.” She replied. She didn’t believe in ‘toos.’ Said that if you said ‘too’ at the end of ‘I love you,’ you were only echoing, and echoes of feelings were not as strong as the real things.

“I love you.”

We repeated it back and forth, avoiding the echoing, until I forgot that my lungs hadn’t wanted to breathe and everything was okay. Ground gazing was just a hobby, and in that moment I could pretend that we would never end up there, way above on Earth.

Little Girl listen close to what you ought to know

Life comes in all of forums a friend that merrily turns a foe,

You cannot direct the streams that path your life

Sweet Innocent child, you must not succumb to strife,

Listen darling to these select words of few,

You can not control your life, but you can control your view.

when life give you lemons,

remember you've got the Midas touch

cuz those lemons are gold.

don't stop

grating

juicing

squeezing

straining

sipping

smoking

washing

until

you are the love

that turns those lemons sweet.

you've got that Midas touch

baby

and those lemons

sure are

gold.

when life gives you lemons

remember to smile,

the last time you were here

it was just for a little while.

and as life rolls on you see

in your perfect

hindsight

that those lemons

sang like gold, baby,

and gold just don't come

free.

spin yourself like sugar,

spice yourself like salt.

dance around the rim

of that Margarita cup.

get drunk and high

on lemons,

so

sour-spicy-sweet

and drizzle a little

lemon juice

on each soul that

you meet.

the truth

each chef will tell:

though sugar is

so sweet,

it's the

sour-spicy-lemons

that make

each dish

a treat.

so when life gives you lemons

dance a bit and sing

remember to be thankful

for now you have something.

you've got the Midas touch, baby,

and those lemons

shine

like gold.

Tick tock

the clock never stops

The earth moves

but I would never know

I count my blessings

on my fingers

but there isn't enough

Time

Love is just

Oxytocin

floating in your brain

But it certainly doesn't hurt

any less

Words are just

collections

of consonants

and vowels

But they still crack

my ribcage

in two

Tears are just

water

microscopic

with some other tiny things

mixed in

But they burn

and break

my skin

You were just

a boy

with cool eyes

I was just

a girl

with bruised knees

and cut lips

You only wanted

to help

to heal

to fix

Me

But you just can't fix

what isn't

broken