Rubies
My heart is bleeding Rubies,
after you tore it into pieces,
my eyes are flooding Sapphires,
after they tried to hold back a dam-worth of tears and emotion,
my tears are made of flowing Beryl,
blue-green sea-water flowing down
after the pain,
Your touch was Topaz,
electric through sense,
shocking me,
choking me.
you were dynamite
that destroyed my cave of gemstones,
that broke my cave,
my soul,
into crumbled gems
that are all breaking apart
and breaking away.
My heart is bleeding Rubies after you,
because of you,
for you.
I will soon run out of the precious stones
and only have a hollowed out cave
left behind.
30.6.2020
Anxiety
You diagnosed me with blunt certainty.
Every session we had always came back to it.
Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety.
It was if I weren’t allowed to have feelings outside of that.
To just be sad, angry, or feel invalidated.
Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety.
This word, in fact, made me feel invalidated even more.
I was put in this box by you and nothing was independent of it.
Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety.
I finally had enough of your mental health trap.
So I left to not be imprisoned by,
Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety.
He Was My First Love
I fell in love with a teenage boy
By the time we lived together 24 years later
He had become mentally ill
It was heartbreaking
He believed there was a portal he could go through to save his mother from her murder
Every friend he was still in contact with told him he needed mental help and medication
He dropped them all
He was fixated on his purpose being anti-death penalty and anti-abortion
He believed he could argue his ways into changing people’s minds
He was depressed
He snapped at me about the smallest of things
He quit his job
He smoked pot constantly and had most of the years I had known him
Facebook doesn’t give me a clear indication of how he is now
I pray he gets help
UNSAID
The battle for us, the mere act of getting out of bed
The mere thought of facing the day fills us with dread
We shuddered anticipating of what might be ahead
May be it's because of the memories we embed
Not the good ones, but the one which filled us with gloom instead
It was the optimist in us which misled
And the emptiness that lurked every corner of our mind we had fed
The sight of light made us fled
Keeping happiness at bay, we had sped
Dissatisfaction with everything is what our hearts had overfed
Our minds and souls grew as fragile and breakable as thread
May be it was the atmosphere of positive vibes we had shred
May be it was the devil's path on which we had tread
Or it was the devil in us that we had nourished and bred?
Mind's skepticism made our hearts bled
Bled peculiarly,
Peculiarly in deep red
Darkness swiveled and stopped and settled and and spread
Allowance and denial's contradiction in us was widespread
The mood swings went up and down like a sled
We took an accidental turn to the passage of melancholy we had head
The genuine sentiments in us we had behead
There were expressions in us that people read and remained UNREAD
There were emotions in us which are read and remained UNDEAD
Those entities had us destroyed which were said and remained UNSAID...
By- Tamanna