With swollen eyes and cold hands she insufferably wept as the nurse confirmed the final directive - do not resuscitate. My heart is crushing me, plastic tubes invading my throat, my lips are cracking, my lungs have been punctured and drained; I am drained. Cardiac arrest and forthwith she inherits my teachings and soul as I slip yearning to awake only through her, my daughter, my love.

I'm under all this pressure,

Like a million needles, crept inside my skin

Can I pull myself together?

Stitch up the pieces of my flesh, again

Just to see it broken,

If it isn't one thing, there's always another

Rip the stitches open,

Wider and wider, inspire the suffer.

Someone is thinking of me

With pursed lips and clasped hands

And that someone’s opinion

Is taking a stand

Someone is thinking of me

With a pounding heart and sweaty palms

And that someone’s opinion

Has been there all along

Someone is thinking of me

With faraway eyes and red ears

And that someone’s opinion

Is all that I hear

Someone is thinking of me

With white knuckles and curled toes

And that someone’s opinion

Is all that I know

Someone is thinking of me

With crossed legs and bowed eyes

And that someone’s opinion

Can never be a lie

And that special someone

Is not very kind

And that special someone

Exists in my mind

That someone is tangible and real

With real toes and real eyes

But that special someone

Wears a disguise

A disguise of a smile

A very clever veneer

Who distracts conversations

Whenever they appear

And that someone is constantly looking,

Watching herself in the mirror

Thinking about herself

And what seems to appear

During the day she wears a mask

To hide everything she doesn't want others to see.

She does not want to be seen as weak. Everyday she is brave and fakes a smile for others.

For she does not want them to worry about her.

Her tattooed smile seems so genuine, she sometimes believes it's a real smile, but no she's just mastered the art of being an eccedentesiast.

Her favorite time of day is at night when she gets home, for its only then that she can take off the mask and not worry about pleasing others.

She then heads to the kitchen to pour herself a drink... Or maybe two, who knows, she normally loses count after 5.

It's the way she drowns her demons and copes with the day.

She passes out wherever her head hits first, then wakes up the next morning and does it all over again.