How Would You Feel if:

When you opened your eyes, the sunlight was beaming through the window. You suppose it is an early afternoon since the sun was pounding down. You took a glance at the ceiling; it was a cream color and there was a lamp shaped like a teardrop; the walls were an apricot color with some rural pictures hanging. Your look was fixed on them for a brief while, then, you simply opened your eyes completely; a lock of hair was in your eye; You gently scraped it out of the way with your finger. You felt something moist when you touched your face. When you glanced at your hand, it was drenched with blood. You sat up in bed, surprised, and you saw him alongside you— a young man with short hair, dull skin, eyes shut, his face and chest secured with blood. He had a stream of blood hanging out of his mouth, however, it was solid-dry by then. You didn’t comprehend what was going on- thoughts and questions had started to fill your head- Why is there a wounded guy next to me and where has he come from. You nudged him with your finger to wake him up— he was cold. His skin was bone-tweaking cold. This is what happened to Camryn, though.

To Find Out, Read What Camryn has Written in Her Diary:

I saw Saturday’s messages which were from my friend Larissa: “Dear Camryn, I understand that you’re doing great, so, call me and tell me about this hot dude that inspires you, who’s going to be kissed to death.” How could I kiss him to death? If he is dead, then it isn’t because of kisses... what a relevant message.

The second message, Saturday 6:00 p.m.: “Hey, Friend... Imma wear your scarlet red blouse today. I hope that this doesn’t bother you... And also you need to chillax; your mom and dad called; I let them know that you completed your studies, XOXO.” This was on Saturday, yet, what did I do throughout the day on Saturday? I grabbed my phone and called the voicemail service. I tuned in to the earliest message saved on Friday at 11:00 p.m. from the number 299-0878: “Camryn, Wow! Well done! He’s a cutie! You’re always getting the best. Btw, Don’t forget to inform me about whether you’re coming today, goodbye.”

Oh, So this is what happened: I have been gone since Friday until today, Sunday noon. How is it possible at all that I don’t recall and I wake up beside a dead guy? That seems to be the reason he’s so solid. But... When did he die? How did he die? I gradually moved toward him; When I uncovered him, I noticed that he had more than five holes in his chest; the bed was totally immersed with blood that had effectively dried. No, this wasn’t from any ordinary knife blade, nor from any revolver or gun bullets— he had certainly been stabbed to death, though. I checked him and all around him but I didn’t discover anything. However, under the pillow where I had rested my head, there was an ice pick shrouded in blood. So they must’ve had utilized this to slaughter him... I totally revealed him. He was stripped with firm hands; it appeared as though he was holding something; his part was practically erect. In view of his posture, I assumed that whoever murdered him did it while sitting on top of him. I saw his wicked fingers and a bit of skin in his nails. I couldn’t seem to perceive any single of these details; I searched for my garments and went to get dressed in the washroom. I saw myself in the mirror, there was no blood on my body, however, I discovered scratches on my hips and thighs while cautiously checking myself...Without an uncertainty, those were from nails that had dived into my skin which made a line that kept running down my legs. I shut my eyes and my brain changed to replay mode, pictures began springing up in my mind: he was shouting, his nails were diving into me, I was shouting, getting a charge out of one orgasm after another, my body curving, and I continued laying my head on his chest. That was it, that is all I recall. Along these lines, did I slaughter him?... Indeed, I slaughtered him. I secured my face with my hands; I could barely handle it; I cried feeling all bitter, glued to the wall, in a corner that seemed to be the most distant away from the dead body.

A half hour passed and my weepings and wails were under control by now when some phone started ringing too loud and woke me up. I searched for where the sound was coming from, I figured it was coming from near the ottoman. I lazily slithered towards it and it read “Leora calling” on the screen; following the phone call, a few moments later, a voice mail popped up: “Hey, honey, I hope that your excursion for work hasn’t been excessively wearisome, however later I’m coming over there to alleviate you of your stress, (KISSING SOUNDS).”

I jumped up. Would someone come to the apartment? For sure, it was his girlfriend and I had to get out of here. But the dead body, the fingerprints, his nails, oh my dear lord—I can’t ask for help, I have to fix this F***ing, s***ty mistake myself. I was already in a state of absolute panic; I was a murderer and I didn’t even know how or when, but I had done it. I ran to the kitchen and searched the drawers for a knife; there was one shaped like a chainsaw. I walked towards the bed, picked up a sheet from the floor and wrapped myself up in it. I turned on the electric knife and began to cut off one of his hands. As he had just bled to death, only a little bit of blood gushed out. Next, I did the same with his other body parts: I cut off his limbs and cleaned his legs. There should not have been traces of evidence from me, no liquid, semen or whatever they call it. I stuck his hands, limbs, and the ice pick in a trash bag. I looked for other clues such as cups, cigarette butts or any of my hair that had fallen out. It took me about an hour to clean; I covered the dead body and left the apartment. Luckily, just at that moment, the hotel employee was eating lunch and so nobody had seen me. I put on a cap and some of his glasses that I found and pulled my hair completely up so that nobody would recognize my hair color and so that it wasn’t too long and visible for the rest to see and remember. I walked on the street to go to the pub where that guy had picked me up. I knew that I had come in a car, so it had to be there.

I walked six blocks, which seemed like an eon because I was so drained into the ground by the fear. As soon as I turned around to the corner, I saw my car there in the bar parking lot; there were two tickets and a note on it that said: “Move your vehicle by Monday or it will be towed,” signed Fredrick Rodriguez. Frederick Rodriguez is the dude who owns the pub; he knows me well and thanks to him, my car was still there. He’s like my big brother, although he’s only 28 years old. We have spent a lot of time together visiting the bar ever since my parents first brought me here as a child. By now, there are 2 options left for Camryn to choose from… if you want for her to turn herself into the police, continue reading the story from the paragraph following this one; On the other hand, if you want her to pretend nothing has happened and continue her life this way, read the text that is after “ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ”

I opened the car and sat down without knowing what to do; I just laid my forehead over my arms on the steering wheel. What would I do now? I decided to leave the parking lot and take off somewhere.

I stopped in front of the police station. I took a few deep breaths and left the car. I climbed up the stairs to the right of the reception office. The police on duty kept staring at me until he kindly asked me what happened or if there was a problem since I looked bad. I swallowed and began to stutter.

“Miss...Were you a victim of a sexual act performed against your will?”... “Yes”...

“You’re lyin’ madame, because we know that dude for whom you’re getting a case filed against. He is a part of our police team and had a camera on his shirt that we can see from our computer and ½ of what you said was true like the sexual acts allegations and we’re sorry about that, so, we’ll cut your jail time in half. The result is just half aN year in jail.”

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ:

I thought that was true for the most part because I couldn’t remember anything and so it probably was against my will. However, I couldn’t talk so I just asked him if I could borrow his telephone because my car broke down; I tried to smile. After the police turned around, I escaped and jumped into my car; I drove for a long time while not even knowing who I was. I headed toward the municipal landfill; the trail was so long and I didn’t even know the way. I turned on my GPS and then I knew where I was going. I felt lightheaded and anxious; I arrived right when it was getting dark, during winter the sets at six. I walked to an area and threw the bag far away from me; at that moment I saw a pack of dogs tearing open the bag, surely they would make everything disappear.

I headed to the apartment after throwing away his remains. I was hoping that my too strict friend Larissa wasn’t there; I wanted to take a shower, check my email to see if Alexander was connected and try to forget everything. After I arrived at my apartment, I went straight to the bar; I drank a bottle of whiskey and didn’t even look for a glass, I sipped directly from that glass bottle. I saw myself in the mirror; I looked wasted. It was quiet in the apartment; surely my roommate wasn’t there. I grabbed a shower. I threw the clothes in the washer right away to completely get rid of the smell and traces from that weekend. I dried my hair and went to my room with the Chromebook; I wasn’t hungry, only scared. I looked to see if Alexander was on chat; I turned on the webcam and we actually just talked for a little bit because I was just too scared that I won’t be able to hide anything about the weekend from him; he knew me too well.

His emerald-colored eyes calmed me down; he had a soft voice. He was Spanish but his accent was so soft that you couldn’t really realize it. After asking about his day, classes, and work, I was quiet. His questions worried me.

“Camryn, what happened? You appear to be distracted, distant and even spooked. You don’t seem like my usual Camryn sweetheart”

I gulped and faked a smile before responding.

“Nothing’s the matter, my beloved. I’m just tired, last night I was struggling from nightmares, in-fact, the nightmares were suffering my sleep.”

“Why didn’t you get online yesterday at our specified “cam-talk time”? I was legitimate waiting for you almost all day long.”

“I’m sorry, I forgot to tell you, I went to a study session. About 8 of us got together to study for a mid-semester test that we’re going to have tomorrow. So now I’m going to bed. I’m going to get up at five to review a little more for the test, ok.”

“Ok precious. Go to sleep and pray not to have any more nightmares. You know that I’m your remarkable knight, who always rescues you from everything- no matter whether it’s something as little as nightmares that’s troubling you.”

“Yes, my knight, my prince, and my hero (WINK, SMILE).”

I blew him a kiss and he blew me one back through the screen. Later I got off and turned on the television; the news was on, I started dozing off but then a piercing voice woke me up. A distressed woman was sobbing, ”...I found him like this. What will I do without my boyfriend?” The journalists narrowed in on the site and it was exactly where I had been in the afternoon. The headline on the newspaper was Brutal Homicide: Man Stabbed and Mutilated.

I sat up on my bed and began to breathe heavily. They already found the man; the investigations had begun, surely they would follow up on what happened: whom he talked to, whom he met with and whom he was with. The investigators would go to the pub and probably many people saw me with him there...and if he was a loyal customer...and if they introduce me to Frederick...I didn’t remember anything. I squeezed my head and it was spinning, it seemed as if the pressure was crushing my skull as I was visualizing things: the man offering me his hand; inviting me to leave the bar with him; Frederick wasn’t at the bar, no one saw him, it was just us two; my friend Larissa waving goodbye from far away; I was walking outside smiling at her… “Let’s go to my house, precious, it’s close by, we’ll take my car and then come back to get yours,” he said. I got into his car and flashed my Sun-Bright smile at him. “So tell me, do you always come to this pub?”­ I asked him… “No, first time, actually I came by myself. I just started hanging out with those guys that were standing beside me.” I remember him placing his hand on my thigh and… then… I… Why can’t I remember what else happened? It’s as if this happened to someone else. I tried to sleep but couldn’t because of my bad dreams; the man’s face covered with blood and his cut-off hands replayed over and over again in my mind.

I got up at four and was in no condition to study. I would fail this test for sure; maybe I could spend a few days at my parents’ house for vacation. I spent the next week cooped up in my apartment, only leaving to attend the university. I kept up with the news to see if there were any changes with the case, but there was no more evidence or suspects. They still had not found the victim’s missing body parts —surely the dogs had cooperated with me. Finally, it was the last Friday of classes and I packed my suitcases to go straight to my parents’ house. I kept talking to my fiancé; he supposedly was coming in two weeks so that we could prepare for the wedding. My mom spoiled me a lot when I was with her. She wasn’t used to loneliness, my absence, although she went through the same thing with my brother when he left. I was her favorite, her little darling. One afternoon, she made me an apple pie with delicious, red apples that she picked from the orchard trees. We drank tea on the balcony while enjoying the cool July breeze.

“What’s the matter, daughter? You seem distracted. Are you having doubts about getting married to your fiancé?” If that’s the case, I agree with you, you can’t get married to someone that you only know through email and web camera but not in person (AKA Alexander).” I looked at my mother and gave her a warm smile hearing these words come from her mouth.

“Oh, Mom! it’s nothing like that; I’m just tired and uncertain whether I’ll make a good wife.” She reached for my hands, grabbed them, and started to warm my hands with hers as she said to me, “Honey, just be yourself. Choose your partner based on your intuition. Personally talking, Knowing you and how responsible you are, I am certain that you will make an excellent wife and mom, and I will be the grandma who loves to spoil her children.” I hugged my mother tightly, my chest burdened with guilt and my face wet with tears. She thought I was just being emotional, but I knew it was from the guilt and fear. How could I keep living like this? In fact, How Am I living like this?

The vacation time with my parents ended and I went back to the city. I had to get an apartment for Alexander and me that We would rent for now and then, later buy a house or something. Alexander was being promoted to a sales manager position at the new branch in Santiago; he would earn more money so we could buy something much more superior sooner (Hopefully! Fingers crossed)My friend Larissa helped me move; I bought some things that I needed and finished decorating my new home. I was worn out at the end of moving so Larissa and I opened a bottle of rum and had a few shots of rum; I started to feel lightheaded; I was feeling so anxious and tensed that I almost told my friend, but I held my horses, luckily, and prevented myself from spilling the beans about my mistake… UUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! OOOOHHHHH MMMYYYYYY GOSSSHHHHH!!!! She kept on asking me about THAT man From the bar!!!!! JUST WHY????

…

"... So Camryn, tell me how things are going? You completely ignored me during the last week of our classes. After that, you unexpectedly went to your parents' house and I am still unaware of all the dirty details since you are yet to tell me those. I think you totally forgot to share those dirty memories and details of yours. Hmmm… Didn’t you? (Larissa was just teasing me)"

“What do you even wanna know,” I asked her…

Then she scooched closer to me…

SO, She eagerly asked me, “Was he good? Was his tool good? …

"Larissa!!! How dare you ask me that?" I faked a laugh, but actually, I couldn't even remember how he was, or what his tool felt like, but I can and do recall that he was dead… TBH, He was dead as a doornail. To cover up my tensed look, I joked, “Based on his appearance he looked promising; It was my bad that I couldn't see his face very well. I only saw his broad back and dark skin. The only thing that I can tell you is that he was mine and he came. Now I have to think about getting married and being faithful for the rest of my life.” After that, Larissa made a face at me and whacked me in the face with a pillow, I can’t believe both of us ended up laughing after that.

Then, Larissa told me this: “So Alexnder came on Sunday and we were there until Friday; we got the party started that night. During the party, we drank some tequila, danced and flirted to celebrate your last night as a single lady. What do you think about that? That will be your goodbye.”

And I told her: Let the readers decide this for me!

What do you think, readers… whom shall my happy ending be with… alexander, right?

#poetry #nonfiction #fiction #opinion #romance

What do you want?

Like what do you really want in life?

I know it sounds like a silly question, but it’s one of the most important questions you should ask yourself. It truly is.

Because if you don’t know what you want in life, then how are you going to get it?

It’s like wanting to travel somewhere, having your car and your passport ready, but having no destination.

What’s going to happen is that you won’t go anywhere, or worse you’ll find yourself driving around without any destination...

And that might be the case...

... For my travel analogy, that means that the car you’re driving is extremely hot and uncomfortable.

And you might say, if that’s the case, then why bother with it?

And people really do ask that question, so might you…

For the past month or so, I’ve been thinking a lot about life

And when people say that, they usually mean what they want to do in life.

Whether that be their career

Or relationships

Or entertainment or leisure

But I’ve been thinking differently.

Of course, I’ve been thinking about those things but I’ve also been thinking about how much of your life is really yours.

How much of your life is really being lived to its full potential?

Are you living?

Or are you just existing?

On average you’re gonna get about 79 years on this big rock called Earth

If you live in Monaco, it’s closer to 90. If you live in Chad, you’ll be lucky to get 50

Regardless, we don’t get 79 years of freedom. We have responsibilities and things that we can’t ignore.

Most importantly our bodies!

Assuming you sleep 8 hours a night on average about a third of your life over 26 years is gonna be spent sleeping.

So right away, we’re down from 79 to 53 but it doesn’t stop there.

Chances are if you’re reading this prose, you have gone to school or are going to one.

In the United States, you’ll go for at least 12 years

8 hours a day 5 days a week for 36 weeks a year.

This amounts to 17,280 hours spent just inside the school building…

But wait, we also have to factor in homework and out-of-school activities among other things.

So this is more like 22,000 to 25,000 hours or about 3 years of your life.

If you go to college or university afterwards, make it 5 years less, this means we’re down to 48 years.

Well, all this schooling and money you’ve spent getting a degree has to be put to some use right?

Chances are you’ll try and get a job in the field of whatever it is your degree is in, It’ll probably be a full-time job. So you’ll be working 40 hour weeks pretty regularly if not more than that.

Let’s say you get two weeks of vacation per year. The average person works for about 40 to 50 years of their life…

… So we’ll just go with the average and say 45.

Over your entire life, you’ll work on average about 90,000 hours or about 10 years of your life. We have 38 years left.

Wait, depending on where you live your commute to work will vary, you might drive yourself

You might walk or you might use an Uber or a taxi.

Regardless, your commute to and from work on average takes about one and a half hours a day.

Adding this up over your entire working career. It amounts to 17,500 to 20 hours or about two years of your life.

36 years left.

All of this work and studying really builds up an appetite. So you should probably spend some time eating.

On an average day, we spend about 70 minutes just eating food to survive.

In your 79 years of life, you’ll spend about 32,000 hours just eating or about 4 years of your life.

Down to 32.

Well after you’re done eating you have to clean up and maybe do some chores around the house.

On average you spend about one hour a day doing tasks just around your house

Cleaning up after you eat washing dishes, doing laundry, showering and plenty of other stuff

This amounts to nearly 29,000 hours over the course of your life or about three years.

29 years left.

Eventually, all of that food and water has to leave your body somehow, so, You’ll spend about three months of your life just sitting on the toilet… yeah :|

Of course, we also waste time and we do it pretty well.

Over the course of our lifetimes, we’ll spend about 115,000 hours on our phones or about 13 years.

This, of course, is just your phone. This doesn’t include you watching TV, you playing games among other things.

16 years left.

Assuming you can afford to retire at the average age of 62, You’ll spend the rest of your life living the luxuries of retirement if you can still function properly.

Over 50% of retired people over the age of 65 have some sort of disability.

With 15% of those people having three or more.

Chances are if you are one of these people you’ll be in and out of medical care pretty often, So those final 16 years of freedom you have aren’t exactly freedom.

So overall you have one year in your 79-year life to really and truly do what you want to do

But despite the age, whether you’re young or old, you may be nearing the end of your time with some of the most important people in your life.

For example, while you’re young and in school from the ages of 1 to 18, You’ll most likely be spending nearly every day in the presence of your parents.

After you finish your schooling, your parents are probably in their mid-40s, so they have about 30 years left in their life.

The real world starts to set in. Your job, you’re possible relationships, you’re important things to do in life take priority.

Eventually, if you leave your hometown, you’ll only be seeing your parents around holidays and special occasions. Maybe 10 days a year.

So…

300 days left with the people who brought you into the world, whereas before, you would see them almost every single day.

You have already spent 95% of the time that you will ever spend with your parents in the first 18 years of your life.

And now you only have the remaining 5% for the rest of your life.

At the end of the day, there’s only one thing that matters and that’s your own happiness.

Well, what many people don’t realize is that they do so many things in life just to try and succeed as opposed to fulfilling a purpose.

They work a job they hate for 40 years just to make that extra $30,000 a year so they can afford a car that they only drive to work.

It’s temporary happiness, not genuine happiness.

People who go to school go to become a doctor or just get an education, just because their mom or their dad or somebody else told them to…

… not because they actually want to.

I really hope that every single person reading this Prose entry of mine gets insanely rich and famous so that they could finally realize that this isn’t the point of life.

The point is to be happy with what you’re doing while you’re doing it.

Alright, sure… The 45 working years or however long you’re working is going to be hard to get past…

But what if you don’t hate waking up every day to go to work? What if your work is your happiness?

You see life isn’t a straight path. You can’t map it out perfectly one-to-one. It just doesn’t work like that.

We spend every day planning on what we’re going to do the next instead of just taking in the day for what it actually is.

Sure, we have to eat, duh, but what if we spend that time eating with friends or family or just people who make your life better?

Your commute to work might be long and tedious sometimes but what if you spend that time listening to podcasts or carpooling with coworkers and friends… Then, The 13 years we waste on our phones might seem useless.

… But what if we use that time to build the business you’ve always wanted to or build the brand you’ve always wanted or write a Prose entry to talk to people about the random ideas you get.

You’ll bring so much value to people that you never even thought was possible.

Let’s say you take care of yourself and regularly work out and eat decently well, your chances of being healthy later in life are much more likely and you’ll have much more free time to master the things that you really want whether that be a skill or just relationships with others.

No matter what you or I or any person on this planet does, time doesn’t stop for anyone.

Time is the one thing you cannot get back!

if you lose a lot of money, it’s fine! You can get more.

If your friend decides to turn their back on you, It’s fine! There are millions of people out there in the same situation.

But the time… You can’t get it back. Once it’s gone, It’s gone.

How many days have you spent doing the same mundane tasks that you hate and more importantly when is it going to end?

Life is about choices and every choice you’ve ever made has led you to this exact moment reading this Prose entry.

Given that you only have one life at least in this universe, Why not make your own decisions?

So many people live life predicated on somebody else’s opinion, which is dumb.

People have so many barriers in life, but they aren’t really about money. They aren’t about time

They aren’t about how you look, it’s about opinions.

… Other people’s opinions.

Probably about 90% of people are unhappy because they value someone else’s opinion more than their own.

When you’re old and unable to do the things that you could have when you’re younger, You’ll regret it and regret hurts more than any breakup, failure, or anything else that ever could!

Life doesn’t have to suck, you don’t have to regret everything.

That fear of missing out is a poison!

Instead of living trying to mimic people you see on Instagram or YouTube or social media just live based on your own terms.

Instead of just observing and living passively really start to think about what you do with your time.

Does that mean call your boss and tell him you quit? No; does that mean to drop out of school tomorrow? No.

All it means is to truly decide what you want in life and put yourself in the right direction.

It’s not gonna happen overnight. That’s not the point. There would be no journey then.

As cliche as it sounds, your 79-year journey here is very short.

Sure. It’s technically the longest thing you’ll ever do, But the universe is 13.8 billion years old.

If the universe’s history was condensed down into 24 hours, the world as we know it with cars and airplanes and civilization as we know it would only come into existence in the very last second.

Block out any and all negativity in your life. And once you can truly realize that the only opinion that matters is your own.

Life can get pretty clear, and the noises inside your head get pretty quiet! :)