I didn’t want them to know

I wrote about thirty pages

they were long, took me ages

I decided to leave some messages

which people I loved could read

when I was no longer here

when I reached the fourth person

who I had cared about enough to address

I realized; and it hit me so hard

I didn't want them to know

I didn't want them to know

what kept me up at night

I didn't want them to know

about my mental state

I didn't want them to know

how I felt about them

I didn't want them to know

what my favorite thing

about them was

I didn't want them to know

I would give up my life for them

because;

the people who really matter

and really care about me

have shown understanding

of some level

on all the above

even if all of them didn't

the complexity of my very being

was scattered in the knowledge

preserved by those who cared

it would be very unsettling to think

that someone knew everything

everything

there is to know about me

no

I much rather prefer

the idea that when I die

and my name is mentioned

by chance in a conversation

no one would know everything

I want to be a jigsaw puzzle

that no one has all the pieces to

I want to be a puzzle

who's pieces are preserved

and held on dearly by some

and no I don't necessarily want

to be solved

but if someone ever does bother

they'd learn new things about me

everyday

from every person

and realize that I

was a mystery