faith

my Christian faith chokes

my guilty conscience 

that revives my soul 

when all hope is lost 

but when I sin 

I don't win

cause I still have to face the devil at the gates of my eternal fate 

I am smoking this religion through a joint 

so I have hope 

this internal hell 

this battle between right and wrong 

a thorn in my flesh 

I know Jesus died for my sins 

but I am not worth it 

I still sin

and I still curse out god 

I use to pray 

but this  thread of hope is fray 

I can't serve you fully 

because my heart desires what is wicked 

infected with imperfection and sin

caved into my DNA sinful inclinations 

I fail to be a child of god 

I throw my bible at the wall 

because every time I touch it burns through my hands 

I am sinner 

I am fifthly unworthy of forgiveness

I am unworthy and unfit to face your throne 

you let your son die for me 

(a sinner )

a person guilty of bloodshed 

and in one drop of your son's blood 

I was saved 

and retrieved from the eternal pit of hell 

you opened your hands and engulfed me in the things holy 

and cleaned my sins 

but I still feel like I owe you something 

so I bow down in service to you 

slap the chains on my hands 

and I will not think for myself

I will only think was is holy and clean 

I will dip my body in this water and connected my soul 

to yours 

you picked my head up and asked me if I was ready to comply 

I choked out the words yes 

and I turned to look at my hands 

there covered in blood 

I just told another lie 

committed another sin

this circle of sin 

that doesn't end 

this guilty conscience 

that bears down on the soul 

in the middle of the night 

she desires what is unholy 

and craves to indulge in what is wicked 

to feel 

what she wants 

think what she wants 

but the wages that sin pays is death 

is it worth death?