[mouth-to-mouth]

beneath the weight of your hips,

    i am all mouth, folding like wax paper.

you are turning ashes into

    house fires, writing legend into history.

and now that lugano is underwater,

    we say we are on our way to the ocean;

you forget we made up our minds

    to stay. you remember now. i know

you are a darker shade of grey

    than most artists know what to do with,

but you always hurt the ones you love —

    so when you broke my heart last night,

i thought you loved me the most.

    we have to make sense of the chaos

around us. after you fall back,

    i lie in post-coital tristesse, learning

how to breathe again, how to

    make sense of reality. which is temporary;

forever is an empty word,

    negative space, less definite than never.

which is white noise: quiet,

    but not empty. finite, but somehow

incomprehensible and sublime.

    with tired eyes and soulless hands,

we slept, dreamed love into caricature,

    like something else you didn't believe in.

and we are lying by the ocean now,

    as you compare it to your loneliness:

which is worse? i lie awake

    in the small hours, my mind full

of contradictions: you love me

    in words, but your words don't mean

anything. and every time

    i think about you, i feel a little

more lonely, as though it is you,

    and not me. i am afraid to take you

seriously; you laugh and then

    you threaten to leave. you cry and then

you beg me to stay. you

    sing me love songs, ballads about

the romanov children.

    the thousand tragedies of living

and how i make it disappear,

    so swiftly, on lighter feet than the tide.

you say i am haunted by

    the things i have forgotten, but

i don't believe that. i don't

    believe anything you say. to you,

it was just sweater weather.

    to me, it was an epidemic.

this loneliness has generated

    an insatiable need to be closer to you,

to make you want me more.

    because i am all mouth now,

all aching: my eyes white whispers

    in the darkness, my voice breaking

on your name (click here for

    subtitles). and your knees touch mine

as you breathe into

    my mouth — all i am, all i wanted;

you kiss me as though

    you will never kiss anyone else again.