santiago like smoke your flower-girl drifts back to you

we have gone so far, and

i have no right to say i love you,

to dream of you, to see you

waxen beneath the streetlights,

your body brimming

with emotion.

but i know your aching:

the drag of your heart as you

reconcile my leaving, my return.

and your chest is heavy

with the weight of

what i said.

i don't know

where you are tonight,

but if you never come home,

i will hold this bottle like

an open hand, and

drink for you.

i am so full of wanting.

regret is like a gaping mouth,

taking its time to swallow me whole.

the air has gone damp with it,

and i don't forget like

i said i would.

this body is a vessel

for the apologies i owe you.

it deserves nothing,

but it is full of roses tonight,

every romantic gesture that once

made me so afraid.

you asked me why i left.

if i were to tell you the truth,

there is no good reason.

i had my hands all over you,

and i was so close to kissing you

on the first night.

god, i was so young,

so young and so in love.

i think you were the first girl

i kissed and never asked for more.

(it was enough that i found you

in all this madness.)