Regret

I love you.

I've always loved you. And I'll love you forever. You're everything to me. I can't imagine life without you.

And I can't imagine an afterlife without you.

But I'm not going to join you in the afterlife. I know you're in heaven, waiting for me. I wish I could come and see you again. But I can't.

We both know that the good people all go to heaven, and the bad people all go to hell. We are both good people.

Or at least, I used to be.

Darling, I'm sorry. I can't join you in heaven. I used to be a good person, but I did something wrong. Something very, very wrong. Something unforgivable.

I didn't want to, but I had to. I was being blackmailed. I had to, for our son. It was either that, or Johnny would die.

The terrorists took Johnny. I had to. They said they'd torture him and kill him unless I did it.

I know I shouldn't have done it. But I was selfish, so I did.

The school that I blew up is in ruins now. It haunts me. I got Johnny back, but I just... I just need to think of how many other parents have lost their "Johnny". I hate myself. 

Honey, the police are coming to get me soon. I'm going to save everyone a lot of trouble and end it myself. Johnny will go to his aunt.

I'm sorry. So, so sorry. Sorry to the children I've killed, the parents whose hearts I've broken, to you for doing such a despicable thing.

I'm sorry, Darling. I won't be going to heaven. I'll be going somewhere else in the afterlife.

I miss you.

I'm sorry.