I love writing when I'm broken. It doesnt matter how messy or horrible the piece is. Most of my genuine pieces are messy, raw. They don't rhyme or have any type of structure. But the pieces where I pour my heart out, where I write it so fast I wonder how the words even came to me, those are the pieces I go back to all the time. Those are the pieces that heal me. Those are the pieces I'm hesitant to share. I'm not hesitant to share them because they make no sense and are kind of terrible but because I feel like a piece of my heart is on paper. Sometimes I wait for bad things to happen because there is no drug in the world that can numb my pain like writing. I lust after that type of numbness, its better than being happy. Feeling nothing at all, feeling like your heart is empty for a short time. There is no hate, love, or despair. For a few moments I just exist. And that feeling of just existing is a feeling I cant get anywhere else.