Missing some pieces

When you fall apart, there's nothing you can really do. Once it starts , you're screwed. You can't stop it, only prolong it. You can't really fix it till you've completely fallen apart. When every piece of you is laid out on the cold hard ground. For a long while , you feel like absolutely nothing. A nobody . A nothing. You're just there , but you don't feel like you're there. You just have to be. You struggle , cry, get mad , depressed, and break down more than ever before . Except , it doesn't even matter. All you're feelings are dull. You don't really care how tomorrow goes. Just as long as you can get it over with. Then one day you decide you're ready to heal ; be put back together. You put on a fake smile , you try to tell your self if you think you're fine and okay that you'll eventually believe it. Until , sadly, you realize that's not how it works. You have to first find all your pieces , then slowly try and put them together. Turning each piece around and around, flipping it over trying to make it fit . Try to find where it goes. You have to commit to actually trying everyday at something. Start with something simple, like actually waking up before its night again. Or actually wearing clothes that match , and make you look like an actual civilized person ; instead of a person living in a box. You can't think about sad things. They just bring you back down. You have to think your happiest thoughts . You have to try and be happy. But it's not easy and it doesn't really work like that. It's more like an up and down roller coaster for a year or two before you finally feel back together , like you're pieces are all in their original place .. But that's not how it is. You never really heal. You're never fully put back together. Any negative thing at all that brings up the thought of what tore you apart piece by piece , just pulls you apart a few pieces at a time. It will always be easier to fall apart then be put back together. But truth is , you're always going to be missing some pieces ; you'll never truly be put all the way back together.