Bitter Insomnia

I’m so angry at the world. I just want to sleep. Six hours of sleep in the last three days. My eyelids hang heavy but my brain won’t shut off. I keep going over last Tuesday as if replaying it will change anything.

Patricia broke up with me over coffee and pastries. Totally out of the blue. She said I didn’t have any ambition or goals in life. Bitch. When I got to work, the pipes had burst from the freeze the night before, flooding the whole goddamn office. So the building was shut down and the client that had me on a timeclock to impress them, backed out because I couldn’t do what they needed fast enough. It wasn’t my fault, but I still lost ’em anyway.

Then, to top it all off, I get home after a drink at the bar - okay, four - and my landlord meets me at the door telling me he’s gotta jack the rent up another hundred bucks. I was barely making ends meet as it was. Guess I’ll have to cut back on the coffee in the mornings. Not that I need it now anyway.

That damn beeping at the neighbors' isn’t helping the situation. What is that anyway? It doesn’t ever stop. It’s like a smoke detector with a low battery, only it’s muffled through the walls so it’s not as harsh. But still annoying.

People keep telling me I need to have “a more positive outlook on life.” Fuck that. Life is always beating you up no matter what kind of outlook you have. I don’t think my outlook would’ve changed anything that happened last Tuesday.

I’m still trying to sleep. I know it’s completely pointless but I’m trying because there’s nothing better to do. I’ve tried reading. I don’t really like to read. I’ve tried with the TV off, and on. Crappy late night shows and all. Nothing’s worked.

I sit in the mostly dark room, with the TV flickering in the background, stewing about last Tuesday and all this bullshit I’ve had to put up with lately. I start to think about Patricia again. She really is a bitch. But it’d be kind of nice to have her here. I guess I miss her. I think about her being here next to me again and start to fade into a comfortable dream world. . .

My eyes fly open. That goddamn beeping from the neighbors’. I’ll never get any sleep.