I’m Sorry

I'm sorry for not being there

but you were my world.

and you left

for another life

for another family

for another me.

And I resented you for that.

So when you came to me

ill and frightened

I didn't know if your atonement

was sincere

or out of fear

but I forgave you anyways.

As time went by

the sicker you looked

and the sicker you looked

the more scared I was to see you.

I didn't want those memories.

I wanted to go back.

Back to our television lounging

soda burping

fried chicken eating days.

I didn't want memories of PICC lines

and your frail frame unable to move.

Cancer slowly took your body.

but never your soul.

You were my papa,

my beer-drinking, chicken-eating best friend.

And I'm sorry for not being there.