It’s All Good

Chapter-4

It has been two weeks since I met Suven for the last time. He had called me up few days earlier just to check up on me, and I assured him that everything is fine. I wonder if he feels guilty of breaking my heart. But I guess he knows that I never loved him no more than he did. This feels so weird. We were together, but never connected.

My mom is still obsessed with him though. 'You can't get a better guy', she says this almost every time we talk. Mom, maybe I don't want a better guy. Maybe I don't want any guy at all. I'm happy with my life and having a man in it would just make it crowded.

Speaking of the better guy, Rahul is still brooding over the news of me getting married to someone else. I haven't told him yet the wedding is off. He doesn't need to know that. Let everyone think I'm still engaged and leave me alone.

I am spending this Sunday packing the endless senseless 'bridal things' to ship back home. I'm sure my mother can return these or at least find someone who needs it more. How much I hated every minute of shopping for this. No more saving money for the wedding, or the honeymoon, or the kids or the bigger car. I am free to spend ridiculously on myself again! I thought as I took another sip of my favorite Wine. Also, why the hell am I still wearing this inordinately gaudy engagement ring, which clearly doesn't belong on my feeble finger.

"I'll only wear Tiffany's princess cut", that was my first and only demand to my would-be-husband. And being a gentleman that he was, he got me exactly the one I wanted. How I got transformed from a wild flower lover to a diamonds lover, I'll never know. I guess I got carried away for a while in the glitz and glamour of the Big Fat Indian Wedding drama. Never again!

While searching for the receipt for the ring, another thing caught my attention. A bunch of torn-out boarding passes from around the world, kept as souvenirs from all my travels. And I was giving up 'this' for a stupid ring! Why did I ever said yes to marriage? I still have too many places to go. The list is endless, and adventure is waiting for me! On the top was the boarding pass from my last trip,

'To: Singapore' 'From: Delhi'

This was enough to bring a rush of butterflies back in my stomach. And I'm craving for that fragrance all over again. After all this time? Are you insane girl? It's been more than 6 months! I don't think he even remembers you anymore.

Yes, it's true that it's been quite a while now that we talked. After coming back from Singapore, we were continuously in touch, chatted every day. This continued for almost a month. I told him what a wonderful host he has been and I can't wait to see him again. He even planned to come to India so that we can meet one more time. But even at that point, there was no romantic angle to the story. No matter how badly I wanted it. And then Suven came along. There were no hints from Aman, whatsoever, so I assumed that 'he's just not that into me'. Suven is here for me and he clearly likes me enough to be life-partners. And gradually my conversations with Aman became fewer and infrequent. One day I told him I'm engaged and all he said was 'Congratulations.' We never talked since then. Why Aman, why you never said anything! I know it was all in my head, but I wish, Oh I wish, it was true! A tear rolled down my eyes for the first time in a long time. I took another sip of my wine and fixed my hair. I got a lot of shit to do. No time to be a cry-baby over something that was never there.

Finally, it's all gone, the dresses, the jewelry, the ring, everything. I'm back to being single and ready to not giving a fuck.

"Hey bro, what's up", I called my brother. It's been a long time since we talked. He was never happy with my decision of going for arrange marriage and hasn't talked to me since the day of engagement. "Hi, what's up?", he spoke rather cheerfully. Oh dear,I missed him! He continued,"I heard about it. Is that true?", I could sense amusement in his voice. But that's not why I called him. I said," Yeah, the wedding is off.Hey listen up, I'm going to Disneyland next month, don't tell mom and dad ok?......What do you mean where? Hong Kong Disneyland ofcourse, I can't afford Paris yet.... I'm not kidding !... Yes...no, tickets aren't booked yet.... Yeah okay, you need anything?.... Okay you have my credit card right?..... ok bye." My brother has to be the first one to get to know about my random, impulsive plans. It's about time that I do something to treat myself for everything I've been through in past few weeks. I deserve a next trip. And what's better than Disneyland? Disneyland with Aman? No girl, shut up, there's no Aman.

I began looking at Disneyland packages on my laptop. A notification appears on facebook, 'Aman is waving at you'. Before I even opened it, the picture of him waving goodbye to me at the airport came alive. I opened the chat and replied with a wave back. No reply from him. Expected. Why are you always there on the back of my mind? The last hug, your touch, your fragrance, your voice and your smile, Oh your smile! I fell asleep thinking about that smile.

I woke up from my nap late afternoon, my laptop still open next to me. As I began to continue my web search, another message popped up. "Hey, sorry I fell asleep" Aman had texted a minute ago. "Hi, it's okay. Same" I had that stupid smile again. If only I could see you one more time.

"So, what's up? Working?"

"No, not today. Just having a lazy day." I am unsure why am I talking to him, again.

"Nice, no plans for Saturday night?" he asked.

"Not really, I plan to sleep as much as I can. Are you going out? It's already night there I guess."

"Yes, I'm on my way to Marina Bay, it's beautiful on a Saturday night. Of course you know"

"Marina Bay? To watch the show I missed when I was there?"

"That too, but there is another thing that you missed, the indoor waterfall."

"Oh yeah, I remember you had mentioned it. I miss Singapore. Good times."

"You can always come back again anytime."

"Yeah, but no plans in near future though."

"Yeah right, already planning for honeymoon eh?"

"Umm, not exactly. The engagement thing is off." Girl, was that necessary? Why did you tell him?

"For real?" I could sense astonishment in his reply.

"Yes, for real."

"Should I say sorry or congratulations? I'm guessing you are the one who called it off." this was his response.

Really Aman? If you know me so well, why the hell you never said anything at that point? I know you are happy to hear the news, but can't you be more expressive for once?

"That's not the point anyway. It's off. End of story." I replied.

"Okay, if you say so."

I don't have anything else to say to you Aman. I thought and re-opened the tab for comparing prices for Hong-Kong travel package.

After a long day of searching for the tickets, I am yet to find a best deal. Maybe I'll just call up the travel agency tomorrow. I should sleep now. My phone rang, it's Aman. Must be by mistake. He never calls me, never. I ignored the call and went to sleep.

Next day again, just when I am off to sleep, there is a call from Aman. I wonder if this time he actually means to call. I picked up, "Hey, I think you are dialing the wrong number here" I spoke immediately. Turns out, he is actually calling me, and not by mistake. We chatted over random things, teased each other. Just like we did in Singapore. My mind drifted back to that time, completely forgetting that he was asking me something. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. You were saying...?"

"You didn't hear or you zoned out like you usually do?" he chuckled.

God, I missed this laugh!

"Both I guess. So, what's new with you. If I remember correctly, you are supposed to go to Australia next month I guess. Let me know your next skydive session turns out to be." I remember that he told me about his plan few months ago.

"Well, I'm not sure about that. Lot of other things going on. What about you? Where are you going next?" he asked.

"I'm thinking of Hong Kong Disneyland. Have you been there?" Really girl? Was that necessary?

"That's great. No I haven't been there yet. When are you going? And are you going solo again?"

"Yes, unless you care to join."

"Let me check, tell me your plan." he asked nonchalantly.

I shared my dates and itinerary and he started checking his calendar. Is he doing what I think he is doing? Is he considering to join? I have no idea why he is thinking about this, but I'm too selfish to not let him.

"Seems like I can work it out. You done with your tickets?"

"Not yet. Still searching."

"Cool. I'll call you tomorrow and then maybe we can get it done?"

"Sure."

I don't what's more scary. The fact that I'm going on a trip within weeks after I got dumped by my finace; or the fact that I'm taking this trip with another guy; or the fact that I'm seeing Aman one more time. How the hell did I got myself into this mess!

Just when I thought of starting a new chapter, this is taking me all the way back.

Aman had come to my life as a breath of fresh air. I have traveled with complete strangers before as well, but with Aman, something was different, yet is was beautiful. The moment I saw him for the first time at Changi Airport, I could see trouble in his eyes. We traveled non-stop, visited unfamiliar territories and all this with almost no sleep. Those three days were filled with adventure, laughter and caffeine, with the backdrop of two of the most splendid cities I've ever seen, Singapore and Kuala Lumpur. Not once did he try to flirt, not once he threw any hints, not once did he say anything that might lead my imagination into different dimension. And yet the more time I spend with him, the more I fell for him. And when the time to say goodbye came, all I could do was to give him a tight-lipped smile. Because if I had opened my mouth to say something, I was afraid I might say something he is not ready to hear.

I still dream of his dark eyes, that always seem to have mischief in them, his smile, that brightened the world, his fragrance, that took my breath away. When will I get over him? Will I ever get over this? This isn't wise, girl. You are going to be in deep trouble. But hey, what's wrong in having a little fun. As long as I don't expect anything in return, this shouldn't be a problem. I think I've behaved really well all along. Maybe I shouldn't over think and just do whatever makes me feel happy. And by way, what's worse that can happen? I'm a big girl! After all, what happens in Hong Kong, would stay in Hong Kong!