The story of Oberweis

[To the tune of Sam Smith, 'I Know I'm Not the Only One']

You and me, we bought a cow

For butter milk and cream

I can't believe you fed it steak

That's just wrong, think I'm about to scream

For months on end I watched it graze

In pastures, fields of mud

I wish I could just eat it now

All its dairy-licious byproduct

You say it's crazy

'Cause you have never owned one yourself

But I'm Joe Oberweis and

I really really like my cow

I opened up a little store

To sell my ice cream dreams

I overcharge you for the shakes

$5.73? You could buy other things

You say I'm crazy

'Cause you didn't think of it yourself

But I'm Joe Oberweis and

I make my money off my cows

I have opened so many stores

Maybe you have bought my milk

It's $3.75 per bottle and

It's white, smooth and yummy like silk

You say it's crazy

'Cause you have never owned one yourself

But I'm Joe Oberweis and

I'VE MADE AN EMPIRE OF COWS

YOU SAY I'M CRAZY

BUT I'VE MADE SO MUCH MONEY MYSELF

AND WHEN YOU COME INTO MY STORE

I'M NOT GOING TO SHARE MY WEALTH