I Fear

I fear one evil, my evil. It haunts me, ties me up and beats me till I’m nothing. Laughing, when I cry. It torchers me with its existence. I’m not insane… not yet, at least. I always questioned what 'sane' is... who came up with it and how? Am I insane for thinking these thoughts? Well I mean when you hear it over and over again, you begin to believe it. What if I am insane? Has my mind been lying to me? Am I not normal? Am I not sane? Can I not even trust my own self? Am I just a a sack of blood, skin, and bones just waiting for commands for others, being what they want me to be? Is there something I don't know? Am I just being controlled? Just waiting to see if I can be put to the test. What is it? Am I failing? Is that why I have no control of what I say or do? When will I be me. I want to say it, I've tried for years but something always stops me. Is it my conscious, is it something else? Do I need help? Is this not a normal thought? I don't understand. I want to say it, I need to say it. Someday you will hear me scream, letting out all the words hidden under my tounge, letting out all the tears from my hazel eyes, letting go of thw words and memories that have broken me. Do you know this feeling... the feeling of being trapped. I feel so trapped that I feel numb.