A rose so beautiful and pure, for years a symbol of love and passion. A symbol that conveys messages the mouth can not. A spiral dragging you in till the last of the petals curl upward to the sky. The dew from the morning rain sitting upon the petals. The rose such a beauty like the girl it now belongs to. I was never the girl who got the rose. I would gaze my eyes upon them wondering when I would get mine. There is was… not in the hands, but rather lying on the ground. A poor boy with a broken heart had just thrown it to the side without hesitation. I imagined myself being the one to receive it how with one hand I would diligently feel the petals, but then I came back to reality. I turn to see the one who dropped it. He was Mr. Popular, star athlete, and one of the most attractive guys in the school… so what happened. I saw those tear in his eyes that day. I felt so helpless inside because I wanted to help, be there, love him when his heart was too tired to try anymore. However no words could come out until we met each others eyes. All I could ask was “What happened” I won’t lie I was nervous for the answer. “I fall in love as if it’s nothing and some days I don’t feel like trying. I’m a complete moron for thinking she would go out with me.” silence filled the air after he spoke those words. You would never guess that he was feeling this way, but after that I couldn’t let him walk away. Out of impulse I hugged him and it didn’t feel odd or weird… it felt right. I just didn’t want to let go, didn’t want to end the moment.

I see it in her, from the distance. That beautiful girl sitting on the park bench all alone. As I approach her I notice her eyes out of everything. Of course her long hair flowing in the wind was so magnificent like waves in the ocean, her clothes fitted like a glove, her dimples making her smile all the more perfect. Even though her outside was perfect I only focused on her eyes, they are the windows to the soul, right? Her soul was beat, bruised, barley alive, but still there. Even through the dark she still has a light. Her eyes were protecting others from what she had once seen. From everything bad only showing the good. I see the flower in her eyes, it wasn’t any old daisy, but instead a rose. A rose that was so little, but showing so much. The thornes every single one showing the little glimpse of hell she went through, but they were there not only for that reason. They were there from all the times she stood in the flames fighting back, they were there from all the times she didn’t give up, from all the times she knew she couldn’t show that emotion…. That defeat. That even through the thorns and pain something beautiful still came out. The rose petals, there for every time she loved. Every single petal was dark and withering. She had felt to much that she began to feel nothing at all. The love she had felt for everyone had died and turned into thornes. Thornes of sadness from the times she loved, but never felt loved. The stem grew so high just to be filled up with thorns. As I approach her she flashed a smile at me, making me feel welcomed… but the smile didn’t last, it soon fell into the blank face I had seen before. I asked if anyone was sitting next to her, although I already knew the answer. She looked down and said “Does it look like anyone is sitting there” I couldn’t tell if this was a defence mechanism or if she was just trying to have a laugh. I sat down anyway, soon after she spoke again softer this time “… why did you come to me” I studder at the fact she would even ask that… does she not know her own beauty, but I still answer “Well… nobody else is like you. I… I wanted to know why.” she looked at me puzzled and bats her eyes. I told her everything I thought… about the flower in her eyes, everything. I talk and talk for hours with her on a park bench. It was fall and darkness fell upon us. Although as everything went dark I saw a glimpse of light. The rose that was once withering away was now full of life. Now five years later I got on one knee with a rose and a ring. “Yes” came through even through the joyful tear. In that moment there were no thorns. Just the petals and the stem. Her past was broken and her future was anew with him by her side, holding her hand. She knew in that moment what true love was. She knew that he was the one thing she needed with his warm hugs he would pick her up, his soft… I love you, his shoulder there when she needed to cry. Everything he was… was perfect in her eyes.

You couldn’t tell weather it was the shower or the tears. She couldn’t help but think… who lied? He said he would never hurt her, and she said “I will never leave you.” but in time everything fades away like ash on a hot summer's day. She just thought she was going crazy that the dreams came to life. She would be dragged by her ankle into a dark warehouse. In that warehouse there was nothing but a single chair, but she never saw the chair color or its lovely details. In this dream it would suddenly end with random pictures flashing in her mind. You see he said he would never hurt her, but after the night of that she didn’t know what to believe.

I fear one evil, my evil. It haunts me, ties me up and beats me till I’m nothing. Laughing, when I cry. It torchers me with its existence. I’m not insane… not yet, at least. I always questioned what 'sane' is... who came up with it and how? Am I insane for thinking these thoughts? Well I mean when you hear it over and over again, you begin to believe it. What if I am insane? Has my mind been lying to me? Am I not normal? Am I not sane? Can I not even trust my own self? Am I just a a sack of blood, skin, and bones just waiting for commands for others, being what they want me to be? Is there something I don't know? Am I just being controlled? Just waiting to see if I can be put to the test. What is it? Am I failing? Is that why I have no control of what I say or do? When will I be me. I want to say it, I've tried for years but something always stops me. Is it my conscious, is it something else? Do I need help? Is this not a normal thought? I don't understand. I want to say it, I need to say it. Someday you will hear me scream, letting out all the words hidden under my tounge, letting out all the tears from my hazel eyes, letting go of thw words and memories that have broken me. Do you know this feeling... the feeling of being trapped. I feel so trapped that I feel numb.