My Wellbeing Lies in the Hands of Chance

Well if anime characters were excluded *cough cough Itachi,

and super cool animals weren't included *cough cough Toothless

and @D_Reaper didn't hire Link before me (in my case, Dark Link)

Then there would be a Shaolin Showdown, Rock-Paper-Scissors style,

between Legolas, Spiderman, and Neo (AKA Mr. Anderson)

From Lord of the Rings, Spiderman, and The Matrix, in that exact order.

Aside from being a target for fangirling, Legolas has the archery skill, warrior experience, and the face of an angel-elven version of Link. Not only could he take down the many threats that oppose me, but he could also repel people from the attempt, with his looks alone. They'd be all like, "There's Tai Sensei! Kill heeerrrr [and steal all her games and story ideaaas]" and Legolas would be all like *moves hair behind elven ear* and they'd be all like Bleegghhh/Kuaaahhh/Guaaahhh/Kyaaa <- [death sounds]. Then I'd be all like *hairflips and walks away from a giant meaningless explosion* *(with my beautiful bodyguard)*

As for spiderman, he's my favourite superhero. He's socially awkward like me, and he takes fiends out with speed and style (like me). Plus his face is completely covered, so I wouldn't have to associate him with my fears and anxiety for human interaction. However, I have a serious (tear-worthy) case of arachnophobia...

Yeah, yeah I know what you're thinking, don't even say it, but I honestly don't associate the name spiderman and the word spider together, I never did and never will, there's simply nothing to connect. My problem is... I'm not exactly sure how spiderman handles... spiders... like behind the scenes.What's their relationship like? How would I know? It would have to be my one and only interview question. If he can't kill them, then he's out of the picture. Though I really and truly hope he can, because the idea of Spiderman swinging behind me makes me very happy :D

Then there's Neo. He can fly, he can slow time, go back in time, fist fight, sword fight, spear fight, dagger fight, gun fight, and look badass doing it. He's just too OP, there's no chance of him losing, and he already looks like a bodyguard, I wouldn't be paying uniform expenses (not that I would have, regardless). However, his drug addiction is a nono, the way he takes those blue pills and all-

pfffft haha, no I'm kidding... he takes the red pill. (<-still joking, he's not a druggy) My only concern with Neo is how intimidating he would be. Sure he was once awkward but after the skills came, his awkwardness must have disabled or something. Not gonna lie though, it would be immensely fun to call him "Mr. Anderson" all the time, and he wouldn't expressively show his disdain with that perfect poker face of his. *sigh, it'd be great.

Man, I can't wait.