My Name Is Aneliese Voldemort
Once there was a way,
to get back homeward,
Once there was a way,
to get back home
Sleep pretty darling do not cry,
and I will sing a lullaby…
I remember that song. My Father used to sing that song.
He does not sing it anymore.
My name is Aneliese Voldemort, and I am afraid.
***
My Father is gone to Germany to kill.
I didn’t want him to go. But the big men made him.
I am afraid. I am afraid that the big men will tell me to come with them too, like my Father. I am afraid that my Father will not come back.
That fear is stronger.
At least if they take me, I will see him and will not have to walk so far.
***
My name is Aneliese Voldemort, and I am going to find my father.
***
My name is Aneliese Voldemort, and I am ten years old.
I will leave tomorrow night. I will have 25 euro. And potatoes. And my map.
Russia is very far away from Germany, on my map. It is 5 finger widths. The key says that is 5,417 kilometers.
That is a long way.
But I will travel it, to find my Papi, who is there, because I love him.
I want my Papi.
***
I should start. I have twenty potatoes in my sack, plus two in each of my deep pockets. One for every day, and then some for my Papi, who is sure to be hungry. I also have a parka. And a pink cap my Papi gave me, so that he will recognise me. And my thick socks. And gloves. And snow boots. And furry coat. And thick pants.
I am ready.
Goodbye, house. My name is Aneliese Voldemort, and I will be back.
Soon.
With Papi.
Shigeru is going to come with me. He will protect me. He is my Papi’s sled dog, and I love him. When Papi got in a dog wreck, Shigeru saved him.
The other dogs plunged over the cliff.
Papi does not use sled dogs anymore. I am glad.
***
Shigeru is brown, with a white ruff and blue eyes.
Almost all dogs have brown eyes, but Shigeru is special. He loves me and treats me like a queen. I named him Shigeru because that means luxuriant. Papi was teaching me about antonyms when he bought Shigeru, and Shigeru is anything but luxuriant.
I will go now. There is a long way. I motion to Shigeru, and he comes even beside me. I shoulder my sack, and softly close the door to what once was a home, but is now just a house. I turn the key in the lock, then tuck the key, which I threaded on a velvet ribbon, under my furry coat. It is cold against me, the iron pressing a knot in my chest.
I can not cry.
***
Papi says that crying is dehydrating, and I do not feel like sipping the icy slush on the ground today.
But Shigeru does. He is a funny dog.
I start to walk.
And walk.
And walk.
And walk.
Then I walk a little slower.
I’m trudging now. Why?
My feet are dragging.
I look back. I must be nearly to Germany by now.
I can still see my house.
***
I sit down on a rock. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I should wait on the porch until Papi comes back.
This is sounding better every minute.
Yes. Papi would not want me to get hurt because of him.
I am not brave. But that is alright.
I would rather be alive than brave. If I go, I am sure to be hurt. And I do not want our farm to die.
Yes. I will stay.
But Jackes, he is going to war. He lives in the next farm over, and surely he can give my Papi a message, ye? I will ask him.
Jackes told me that he will give my Papi a note for me, if he sees him.
This is good. I write on the note for Papi that I miss him and that I will not forget to not give Shigeru any cheese because it makes him smell and sneeze too much and that I will keep the farm safe until he comes back Love Aneliese.
I write this very fast so that Jackes will give it to him quickly and not have to wait for me to finish the letter.
I look at my note. The writing is squiggly and tilts to the left, but that is okay.
That is how my Papi will know that I wrote it.
He says that it is my trademark. I do not know what that is, but that is okay too. My Papi knows what it means.
***
I see Jackes on his horse, out front. I run out, and reach up high to hand him my envelope, with Papi’s grownup name, Pater Voldemort, written on the front in my special green ink, made from the oily water that seeps into our well in the winter.
Jackes plucks the letter out of my hand, and tucks it in his jacket pocket.
“I will give this to Pater, Aeriel.”
I nod my thanks to Jackes, and he smiles softly at me, then turns and gallops away…
Jackes calls me Aeriel. I like this because it is a light, swift name. Also, it is the name of the singing fairy-tale princess.
A singing princess who could not sing, for a while, because the sea witch stole her voice.
Like someone stole mine.
My name is Aneliese Voldemort, and I cannot speak.
***
I used to, but not since I was two, when She left.
My Papi believes that She stole my voice (along with forty-seven euro.)
She was my mother, but Papi does not like to say that. He calls her a double-crossing-snake-in-the-grass-who-you-had-better-not-talk-about-do-you-hear-me.
That is a long thing to call someone, so I call her She.
It works.
But She stole something else also.
She stole Papi’s heart, although he does not know that.
But I do.
It has been two months. Danielle-from-school’s Papi came home, and Ermine-from-the-church-pew-on-the-left’s husband came home, but not my Papi.
And not Jackes.
Jackes’s family put a black star on the flag on their porch yesterday. This means that Jackes is dead.
I am sad.
No one will call me Aeriel now.
And my Papi will not call me anything.
Mr. Vaudeswreth from the General Store brought a telegram from the Soviet Army today.
My Papi is dead.
I will sew on the black star to my flag tomorrow. I would like to believe that he is coming home for just a little longer.
I wonder if Shigeru will be sad.
Of course he will.
I wonder if God is sad.
He must be.
The world is twisting and burning, dissolving under the gaze of that mean man, Mr. Adolf.
There is so much missing.
What with all the dying these days, no wonder it rains so much. God must cry a lot.
I wish he didn’t have too.