The Real Monsters Live in Our Heads.

This is my story, my story about how escaped hell.

Hello, my name is Anatoly, I am 23 years old. I am also the leader of a very… I would say professional brotherhood but most people say a very very bad gang, we were called the Bratva which was just the same as the mafia but even better. In my defense we were very good at what we did, whether it was against the law or not. This all started when I turned 18 after my parents were killed by some crazed psycho and let's just say i wanted revenge and that revenge turned into the spilling of many innocent people's blood… Like i said, very very bad. Anyways that's beside the point. After being in prison for about 3 years when my punishment was life for the crimes I have committed I got an offer. Now this offer was presented by some russian scientist. They took me and 5 other people and told us that we would be granted our freedom if we could stay awake for 30 days straight, I thought to myself “easy, 30 days no sleep, I can do that and then i'll be free.” I agreed along with the other 5 men. They told us that they would dispense this gas that prevented us from sleeping, I personally thought that we would basically just be the test dummies for these guys, that's why they chose prisoners because if you are prisoners people automatically assume no one cares about you. I knew that something was wrong the second that they took us into the white cell we'd all be held in. The feeling of regret was starting to form in my stomach but I knew it was too late to turn back.

The first night was nothing just an odd feeling in my head like it knew it needed that sleep but it did not want it. The next night was the same I became more hungry, more awake but I did not realize what would happen in the near days to come. The others started acting different from me, they started to scream and walk back in forth in violent places that made it seemed like they could walk a literal hole in the ground, stomping, rocking, hitting, and biting at their own limbs. I then became terrified of the men and what it turned them into. It was only day 7 and the men looked like monsters. They never calmed down they never rested they never got wore out from everything they were doing. I soon started to feel more irritated at them and the objects surrounding me, I was starting to see two of everything and wanting to eat more and more food. I tried to fight it but it was there and it was screaming at me wanting to be set free… I suppressed the anger, the darkness, the monster. I tried my hardest to push it away to keep my sanity, I watched as the men deteriorated and soon went insane. I lost track of the days, I spent every second reading and trying to keep the monster in.

Then out of nowhere, 4 of them started to huddle around one man and started tearing at him with their fists and nails, they acted like animals. I turned away hoping that I wasn't next. Soon after about 30 mins silence fell and I think that was the scariest part, when I turned back all I could see was blood and chunks of skin everywhere, the remaining men sat in a line staring at the ceiling while shoving the flesh in their mouths as they started to peel off there own skin, mutilating themselves. I could feel the fear running through my thoughts I could smell all the damage they have made. I sat in the corner opposite of them and slowly rocked back and forth pushing the monster down and all the bad thoughts out. My mind started to blank as I concentrated on the freedom I will receive if I survive. I could hear a faint jingle of keys as the door opened to the cell, I looked over at the scientist as they walked in, they looked horrified as did I and they quickly looked around and noticed me. They simply nodded and ran out closing the door, once again the door opened and there were more men and they started taking the men out one by one each fighting against them wanting to stay in the cell because of the fear of the outside world. I wanted out of there I wanted to be free even if it meant I don't get my freedom I was done playing these games I was done being a test dummy. They took me out, the only sane one left but that did not matter if I was sane at that point or not this horrid event was not yet over. They took us to separate cells to sleep. I was afraid that if I slept the monster would come out but I could keep awake after we were moved. The dreams I had were terrifying let's put it this way I was a monster and I made satan look like a angle.. Yeah they were really bad but then during that day I started to see the dream in my head as I was awake, visions if I may. I slammed my head against the wall hoping the images would stop, they didn't. I layed on the floor trying to keep calm and trying to not be noticed, the last thing I need is to be put in a looney bin as well. It stoped and it grew silent, once again the scariest part of anything. My cell door opened with a slow agonising creep, it was one of the scientist with a gun. He pointed it at me and I put my hands up hoping he'd see me surrendering to him. He looked at me with shaking hand. “ you're a monster like the rest!!” I was confused and scared now and I slowly spoke with a trembling voice “ no no i'm not I wasn't affected they they were I promise i'm sane” he cocked the gun back and started to shake more “I can't trust you, i'm sorry” I closed my eye and then there was a gunshot, it was so loud my ears were ringing. I thought I was dead but when I opened my eyes the scientist was laying on the floor dead and who was standing in his spot was one of the prisoners that was in the experiment. He stated at me with a devilish smile and then slowly spoke, “come brother let us be freed and let us rise against the humans and be the supreme breed.” I was scared and confused I was for sure if I didn't move and follow him I would die, so I stood up and gave back a devilish smile. He turned and started walking down this creepy hallway hallway and then I realized where we were going. My heart started to race and pound so fast and loud I was for sure that the prisoner could hear it. He slowed down his walking pace and then stopped in front of a door, the door that was the entrance to hell or at least the door that lead to the creation of hell.. He opened the door and the blood and guts that was now new and fresh in the enclosed area was overwhelming and to be completely honest horrid and I wanted to throw up and I normally never get queasy over stuff. The sight of it made me turn my head, the other scientist were in pieces on the ground so I felt like it was helpless. I would say that maybe the guards will help but the guards are too chicken to do anything like one of them almost passed out because someone got stabbed during a lunch fight. So I felt alone and I could feel death coming closer not to mention the fact that I was trying to not turn into a horrible human eating monster. It was so painful trying to keep it all down, the fear, the darkness, the monster, I wanted to give in but I knew if I did I'd just be as bad as them. I had never felt that much fear. I noticed something on the ground so I bent down slowly, paying attention to the monster making sure he didn't see me, I put my hand down and saw the end of a gun, I picked it up and wiped off the blood and chunks of skin and pointed it at the back of the monsters head. I cocked the gun and then the monster slowly turned around. I looked at him with confusion and then simply asked “what are you?” he gave me the devilish smile again and then then said “Have you forgotten so easily? We are you. We are the madness that lurks within you all, begging to be free at every moment in your deepest animal mind. We are what you hide from in your beds every night. We are what you sedate into silence and paralysis when you go to the nocturnal haven where we cannot tread." He said it in such a calm voice it sent chills down my whole body, getting my answer tho I looked at him and simply said “you’re a sick son of a b****” then pulled the trigger. As I watched his body fall my mind started to blank again and I clasped to the cell floor and tried to fight it and get up but It was to strong so I pushed my sled out of the cell as much as possible and used the door to lift myself up, once I had done that I slammed against the door locking it, hoping it was all over. I gained up enough strength to get out of there I was wondering around hopeless for a while then I realized, there was no one else here, this place looked almost run down and abandoned. I was certain I had lost my mind and I was just hallucinating, the I finally got to the door that lead to the outside world. My heart started to slow and my strength came back and I used everything I had and ran out side. The second my weakened body hit the cool air I felt a huge pressure off my chest and head. It was so relieving, as I calmed down my head stopped spinning and I started to realize all the stuff that was happening and had happened was so crazy and horrible that I began to cry. I never cry but that was definitely something to cry over. I couldn't help but to think about the building being “abandoned” I wanted to know what it was and why it did what it did. I was so curious but I was also afraid of the monster in there and the one that was like 5 minutes ago crawling up me and trying to escape. What if I go back? Will it come back? Will everything be normal? Is this my escape? I was asking so many questions and all I kept coming back to was I was free I was out of that he'll and nobody was gonna stop me from running away. Well at least that's what I thought…

(5 hours later) I had walked from that wretched place and I had no idea where I ended up but it was a small abandoned house. I was at least away and hidden. Being alone at the time with no noise I began to think, what had just happened and why did the prison looked abandoned? I was going over all the questions I had previously asked. I was so scared but I was also curious. I knew that soon the news about the prison being a massacre would be blasted around the whole of Russia and after what I saw everyone would be pronounced dead or at least everyone that was on that level of the prison. I knew I would soon have to leave and possibly leave russia I mean I was put in prison for a good reason. But that doesn't mean I want to go back, just from the incident that happened I learned my lesson and I want to leave russia i've realized that this is actual hell. All night I had planned getting out of here then I remembered that I was the leader of the biggest brotherhood in all of russia. I rested for a bit longer, then I got up and started walking to the nearest local gas station I could. I found one, thank god it started to get cold outside. The bell rang and I opened that door and it looked empty, I walked over to the nearest shelf and found a bag of chips. Look after being in jail for almost 4 years I want some good food and anything other than stupid prison mush. I didn't realize how quiet it was till I started opening the bag of chips and then the eeriness of scariness hit my like a brick wall. I stopped and looked around from where I was standing and no one was in sight, I started to walk around the place trying to be dead silent. I looked everywhere and I couldn't find anyone anywhere. I stopped and thought about what was going on, “first the prison and now this place, what the heck is going on?” I was a little freaked out by this and a bunch of thoughts crossed my mind, “what if I did not escape it what if i'm in my mind and the monster took over? What if this is a dream? What if i'm still in hell?” I was starting to over think it all and I started panicking a little. I never panic over stuff but this for some reason started to get to me, then it happened, I saw something like a vision or an image I don't really know what it was but I was of me, as a monster like them. It went away and that’s when I realized it wasn't over.

I was getting dizzy again, I was starting to get the urge to go back to that hell prison. The visions were getting stronger, I struggled to get out of the gas station. When I got a little away I collapsed on the cold ground, gasping for air. My vision started to blur, then it all went black. I woke with a jolt and a slight chill on my skin. I sat up and looked at my surroundings, when I realized where I was my heart stopped beating and I felt like I was going to throw up. I was back, back in the place I never wanted to see again. Sitting right in front of me, the doors to hell. I was at the entrance to the prison. I got up and stumbled back words I turned to run and there it was again the prison, every turn I made there it was I felt like I was in a loop hole of hell. I stopped finally and stared right at the doors, I reached for the handle and pushed open it agonizingly slow. The second the door was open enough for me to look in I felt the cold scent of death roll out and onto my face. In the bottom of my stomach I could feel it pulling back and a voice in my head saying “ don't be so stupid, turn back!” but I knew I had no choice. What would you have done? I stepped in and a wave of warmth rushed over me, this made me step back a little. Honestly the place was now comforting, I didn't feel the head pains or the monster, but I knew it was probably hiding, waiting for me to get comfy and then strike but at the moment I had felt peace. I started down the corridor that lead to the cell. Something was telling me to go there. I reached the door and I could smell the death coming off of it, I stared at the handle contemplating it and I stood there frozen for a good 5 minutes before I decided to go for it and open the dang door already. Pushing the door handle down unlocking the door, without even a push the door creaked open sending chills down my spin. I couldn't see anything in the room due to it being almost pitch black in the room, I knew that there was no light switches or chains I could pull because I mean it's still a prison, in prison we don't get stuff like that. And now I realize that prisoners don't matter and things like this are done to them, who knows how many other experiments there will be and how many others will die at the hands of inhumane scientists that only care about themselves and their stupid experiments. At this point I was starting to get annoyed and anger so I took a breath in and tried to get out of my mind and focus myself on what needs to be done. I looked back into the room and then noticed a small red glowing light coming from one of the corners of the room. I knew deep down that it was probably just something trying to lure me in there. My curiosity kicked in and I slowly moved my way closer to the light. As I stepped in it felt like the room was a vacuum and my leg just got sucked in and soon my body would follow. My mind almost went blank in the room. I was expecting to smell that god awful stench of death but it didn't smell like anything but a rusty old cell. I also noticed I wasn't stepping on anything like bodies or blood… just a normal floor. I was a little curious to what was really going on. I had to be at least 5 feet away from the red light when I could see what it was, it was reflecting off of a cell phone. The light started to blink and then as I got closer it started to ring. I was sceptical about it but I bent down and answered the phone. “H-hello?” it was silent for a good 10 seconds and then this deep creepy voice came over in a slow manner. “... dont.. turn .. around!” my heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach and I felt frozen, I slowly looked over at the door and I said in my head, count down from 3 and then bolt towards the door and lock it behind you, 3…. 2…. 1!!!. I went to run and then felt this sharp pain in my neck and I was out.

I started to feel this thumping run through my whole body. All I was thinking at the moment in time was that I was dead and it was over, I don't know why but I felt like it was so relieving, it was like I wanted it. The darkness started to feel warmer and warmer the longer I stayed there, I was starting to sink into it and embrace it. But once I finally get something i'm okay with it, it gets torn away from me like it was nothing, I woke with a shooting pain in my neck as I sat up in a jolt. I was in the cell, all the lights were on and it was brighter than ever, I felt like my eyes were burning and like I was seeing light for the first time ever. I looked around the cell confused and dazed. No blood, no guts, nothing that was considered a crime other than it was a blank cell, I finally turned towards the door and noticing that it's closed. I was curious what happened and what hit my neck? I felt on the back of my neck where the pain was previously and there was nothing there I figured that there would at least be a little pain there to what ever happened but nothing. I walked over to the door wanting out and I couldn't open it. At that moment I started to feel the fear and anxiety building in my stomach, it felt like a pit was being formed, I was hoping that this was a nightmare and i'd just wake back up somewhere else, no it was not a dream, I was trapped in the hell cell and no way out. I knew I couldn't panic because it wouldn't be any help so I sat down in the middle of the cell and closed my eyes wishing to go back 10 minutes before where it was only darkness and warmth. As I sat there, eyes closed, heart racing I felt a cool breeze and then something that absolutely terrifying happened: the sound of a heartbeat that was not mine and the breath of something I was unsure of right behind me. I pressed my eyes closed tighter and didn't move I could feel the fear growing in my stomach, that it growing larger and larger, I knew that this wasn't human I knew that it wasn't something I wanted to encounter, the sound of gravel laid beneath the things breathing, it was a harsh breath that sent chills down my spine and it crept across my skin. I didn't know what to do I was sure that whatever it was knew that I was afraid and aware of it's presence, I could feel and hear my own heartbeat it's was like it was ready to pop out of my chest. I sat there frozen, then started to think. “What is this thing? Monster? Animal?... the devil??.” the second I that crossed my mind, as crazy as it is, even tho this whole thing was crazy, what if it was him what if it was the devil? What if it was he and he was it? I mean this is hell and hell cannot be well hell without Lucifer. My mind got side tracked on the fact that I possibly have the damn devil behind me that I forgot that i'm in an enclosed cell with possibly the devil. My mind became noisy but the sudden push that caused me to hit the ground in front of me. I then turned on my back and saw nothing there it was dark. Once again my darkness was back, but something was different, I was not alone. I felt stiff and confined I couldn't move anything, it was like I was tied up. Then out of nowhere this light shot into my eyes and everything else got light. I started noticing things around me, started seeing counters and it looked to be a desk. I could fully see now and I looked down at my body I was tired to a table with straps so that I could not move. I was scared out of my wits and I started to struggle against the confinement, this voice then come over my ears like a soft blanket. “Hey hey calm down Theodor it's just me, Angie, you're okay.” then realizing that I knew who she was realizing that I wasn't who I was, the name Theodor is my name, my actual name. I am 23 years old and I suffer from schizophrenia, it's my disorder that makes me make up stuff in my head. I have once again forgot that I am not Anatoly but that I am Theodor. I stopped thrashing in my seat as all of this jogged my memory. I was calm then, cold though, I didn't try and escape I just laid there not caring. It used to be sad to me when this kind of stuff would happen because when you go through this it's like when you finally wake up into the real world you just want to go back but it's like building a house and living you life in it and then having someone pull you out of it, locking the door behind them and losing the key, to be never seen again. That's why it's so devastating to a person with this disease, but I have learned to ignore that and just lock the house and lose the key myself. Nothing ever bothered me after awhile of being locked away in a mental institution. You kind of get used to the coldness of reality and the warmth hidden beneath the mind's eye. People think i'm crazy because of having “split personalities” but I think it's fun and terrible at the same time. But tell me this, is it sad or scary that I am in complete control of what goes on and yet I still almost kill myself? I think it's an adventure to push myself to the limits and maybe one day I won't return to the real world, maybe i'll be stuck in my own little hell forever. Maybe it'll happen because they say “ones who die in their dreams, die in reality too.” So I might get lucky next time and let the monsters out. But just remember, the real monsters live in our heads.