I Don’t Always Close My Eyes

I don’t always close my eyes when I kiss you

Sometimes I keep them open

Stare at the poster of Guernica behind your bed

Wonder what that dead soldier means

I always let you fall asleep first

Well

My arm falls asleep first

Then you fall asleep

And I shift to the opposite side of the bed

I’m afraid that if I hold you

You’ll feel what I feel whenever I close my eyes

I also get hot easily

I worry that depression might be contagious

Love isn’t a vaccination against it

At best, love is a mosquito net

With a few rips in it

So I build walls around myself

And hope that the germ theory applies to depression

That keeping myself at a distance

Will keep you healthy

Happy

I know what that dead soldier means now

I wrote a paper on it

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