Answered Prayer

The tension was there. It was always there. You could feel it permeate their small apartment the moment you walked into it. It was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Tina stayed in the room she shared with her brother Tim. If you weren’t seen they couldn’t take their wrath out on you so the children tried to be seen as little as possible.

Tina’s parents fought constantly. The shouting matches were a regular event. They argued over the fact that Tina’s dad has been out of work for over 6 months. They argued over little tendencies that annoyed them. They argued over bills. They argued over trivialities. Tina thought that they must have been in love once, but she couldn’t remember when that time was. Tina and her brother just wanted it to stop. The children did not know anything about religion, but they did see someone praying in a movie once and didn’t know what else to do so they gave it a shot. Tina and her brother got down on their knees and not knowing anything about prayer etiquette just said simply, “God, please make them stop”.

The next morning a Police Officer showed up at their house. Tina watched from her room as the Police Officer spoke to her mother. After the Police Office had finished speaking, Tina’s mother began to sob uncontrollably. She called the children out. She got down on her knees so that she could look them in the eye and after composing herself she explained that their daddy left the house last night, got drunk, got into a fight that got out of hand and now was dead.

The children started crying. They cried and didn’t stop. Tina felt guilty. It was her fault that her daddy was dead because of the prayer she prayed. She prayed that the fighting would stop and now it would. Her parents would never argue again because her daddy was dead.

“I’m sorry mommy, it’s all my fault. I didn’t mean to do it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Tina said frantically.

“Didn’t mean to do what?” Her mother asked trying her best to sound calm and soothing.

“I prayed that God would stop you and daddy from yelling at each other and he did.” Tina replied sobbing.

“God didn’t kill daddy.” Tina’s mother said trying to reassue Tina that it wasn’t her fault. “daddy made a bad choice and was in the wrong place at the wrong time. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes it was. You and daddy will never yell at each other again and that’s what I asked God for” Tina said correcting her mother.

“I know it seems that way. But it’s really not your fault for wanting mommy and daddy to stop fighting.” Her mother countered.

There was no time to mourn though, The children still had to go to school and Tina’s mom still had to go to work. She worked as a waitress for a middle of the road type restaurant. Management was unsympathetic and there was no time off provided for bereavement. After making several mistakes due to a lack of concentration, Tina’s mom was told her services would no longer be required.

The children arrived at school and was told of their recent misfortune. The school system had the children speak to a breavement counselor. Tina repeated the same story to the bereavement counselor that she told her mother. How she was the one at fault and that her dad died because of the result of her prayer. The counselor said that she wasn’t all that familiar with God but she was pretty sure that God didn’t kill people to solve other people’s problems or there would be a lot more dead people lying around. This explanation didn’t convince Tina that she was not at fault or that God didn’t kill people if he wanted to. After speaking to the children, the counselor recommended that the children submit to regular counseling in order for them to overcome the trauma that they had suffered through.

Tina’s mom had to decide what to do and she didn’t have a lot of time to do it. There really wasn’t any reason to stay in the city. She had moved here for her husband and now that her husband was gone, it didn’t make any sense to stay. She thought about moving back home to Vermont. She didn’t leave home on good terms however, she was a reckless and rebellious teen who wanted to experience the world. She hooked up with some guy that she thought would make her world complete and they had two children together. It didn’t quite work out the way she planned as is often the case.

She hadn’t spoken to her parents in many years and she would have to swallow her pride if she were to go back. But she thought she could do that if it meant a better life for her children. Now that she was on her own, she had the freedom and responsibility to make all the decisions regarding her family.

She sold all their possessions except for some changes of clothes. It was just enough for the bus trip back home. She tried dialing her parents phone number several times but fear and axiety stopped her. She wasn’t sure how they would react. The process of her leaving hurt them both deeply. After several tries she finally got up the courage to complete dialing the number. As the phone rang she waited for what seemed like an eternity. Then someone spoke, “Hello?” the familiar voice answered. There was silence for a few seconds and then Tina’s mom spoke up, “Hi mom, it’s me” she replied. There was silence. The

silence went on for several minutes so she spoke again, “mom, are you there?” she asked.

“Is it really you sweetheart?” Her mom finally answered.

“Yes mom, it’s me. I’m so sorry for everything. I want to come home.” she pleaded.

“You don’t know how many times I’ve prayed for this.” her mom said, “To see my precious little girl again.”

“I’m not alone mom.” Tina’s mom said, “I have a couple of kids of my own now. I think it’s time that you should meet them.”

“When will you be here?” Her mother asked.

“We’re leaving on the afternoon Bus. We’ll be there sometime tonight.” Tina’s mom answered.

“Why now? did something happen? are you okay?” Tina’s mom asked in a flurry of questions.

“I will fill you in when I get there. I love you mom.” She said

“I love you too sweetheart” Her mom replied.

When Tina’s mom got off the phone, she made sure everything was packed so that when the children got out of school, they would be all set to go. There wasn’t much to pack, just a couple of changes of clothes fit nicely into a grocery bag. Now she just waited.

When the children got home from school. They noticed all their stuff was gone. She got down on her knees, like she did when she told them their father died, and told them they were taking a trip to see her parents. The children were unsure. Their room was a place of comfort and security and they weren’t sure they wanted to leave it behind. It kept the cold cruel world outside where it belonged. It took some cajoling but Tina’s mom finally convinced her children it was for the best.

Tina’s mom was anxious the whole bus ride. She was anxious because she didn’t know how her father would react upon seeing her again since they left on such bad terms. The children were restless and she had a hard time keeping them settled down. As the evening wore on, the children started winding down as well and Tina’s mom had the chance to rest for a few hours before they got to their destination.

When Tina’s mom and the children got off at the bus stop. Tina’s grandfather was waiting for them. As soon as he saw his daughter get off the bus and before she knew what was happening he held her is his arms and kissed her on the cheek. He didn’t say anything at all but just held her tight. Tina’s mom could feel the love in her father’s embrace and her anxiety diminished. The children just stood there. When he finally did let go of her, she introduced him to his grandchildren. He gave them each a sucker which they both took gladly. They all piled into his old pickup and he drove them home. On the way home, nobody said anything for a long time. Then Tina’s mom finally spoke up, “Daddy I’m sorry for everything.”

“What’s done is done.” He replied, “What’s important is that you’re home now.”

When they got home, there was a hot supper waiting for them. When Tina’s mom sat down to start eating, she broke down and started sobbing uncontrollably. The love and forgiveness of her parents had washed over her since the moment she got off the bus and now it was overwhelming her. After all she had done to them all those years ago she is now being treated like a prized treasure. She had felt so worthless lately that she wasn’t sure how to handle it, so she did the only thing she felt like doing which was to cry.

The children fell alseep next to their mother on the sofa. Tina’s mom and Tina’s grandma talked well into the wee hours of the morning. Tina’s mother filled her in on her life from the past decade. How she fell in love and got married, how she had two children, how her husband started changing. She told her about the fighting and how unbearable life had been recently and then she told her about her husband’s untimely demise and then finally about her decision to come home.

Tina’s grandmother told Tina’s mother how she had prayed for her everyday and that she never gave up hope that one day God would bring her back home. When her mother mentioned prayer, she remembered what Tina had told her about how Tina thought God had answered her own prayer. “Mom, do you think God would just kill somebody?” Tina finally decided to ask.

“Why would you ask a question like that?” She inquired.

“Because Tina said that she prayed that God would stop my husband and I from yelling at each other and that same night is the night he was killed. Tina believes that God answered her prayer by killing her daddy.” Tina’s mom explained.

“I don’t believe that God gives up on anybody.” Tina’s mom said, “He wouldn’t just go and kill someone like that to solve Tina’s problem.”

“I thought that too.” Tina’s mom confessed, “But now I’m not so sure this isn’t for the best and it also answered your prayer for me to come home.”

“I don’t believe for even one second that God killed your husband. People make choices and those choices have consequences.” Tina’s grandmother reaffirmed.

Tina slept in the next morning. There wasn’t anywhere she had to go or anyplace she had to be. She did have to let the school know that the children would not be attending there anymore but other than that she was free. It felt good to be able to relax for once. To not have to worry about anything. She felt the weight lift from her because she realized that she wasn’t alone here like she was in the city. She didn’t have to have all the answers right now. She had time to figure out what to do with her life.

When Tina’s mother did finally get up. She walked into the kitchen and found that Tina and her brother were ‘helping’ their grandmother with breakfast. She smiled despite the mess that had been made. Her children were smiling and her mother looked like she was having the time of her life. It didn’t matter to her that they were making a mess of the kitchen, what mattered to her was catching up on spending time with her grandchildren.

Tina’s mother spent the next few days doing nothing. She stayed in the house and either slept or watched television. The full force of her husband’s death had not yet hit her, she was catching up on her rest which she desperately needed. The children were getting restless and she needed to get them back into a routine but she didn’t feel like it.

After letting her daughter lay around for a week, Tina’s grandmother decided it was time for her to get out of the house. She sent her out on errands. She would send her into town get pick up odds and ends. Sometimes she would send her for groceries. Sometimes she would send her into town for no reason at all. Anything to get out and about. The children had to go back to school and eventually she would need to get a job.

The other thing Tina’s mother would have to do is go back to church. She went when she was a child but her parents made her, as soon as she left home, that all stopped. It’s not that she hated church, its just that she didn’t see what good it did. She wasn’t sure she believed God existed or not but her parents insisted that while she stayed with them, she would go. When she went back to church, she discovered it was the same church she had attended when she was a child. The Pastor was different but some of the people were the same. She felt a little embarrased because some of those people were aware of her history but they all greeted her warmly. She still felt completely out of place and had a hard time concentrating on what the Pastor was saying.

The children had their own teaching that was geared toward them. There was music and puppets and they got to participate by reading off cards and reguritating lesson points. The children got to meet and play with children thier own age and that was the part of the service that they enjoyed the most.

The women of the church had organized into a group that participated in community service. They would visit shut-in’s and delivery food to those in need. They organized Biblical studies and they also organized social events where they would consume various food items and discuss current events. Being part of a group that had the pulse of the community would be beneficial for when Tina’s mother was ready to get a job again.

Tina’s grandmother made it her mission to involve Tina’s mother is this group as much as possible. The more she becomes involved in the community the better chance that she will stay and Tina’s grandmother did not want to see her daughter leave her again, not after all these years.

Tina’s mother was aware of this plan because it was not a secret. Despite that fact, Tina’ mother was indeed becoming more and more a part of the group and the community. It took a while but Tina’s mother started to look forward to the interaction with the other women. She even started getting to know them and started forming friendships. When the time came to get a job, they pointed her in the direction of a local diner where she started working doing the thing she was most familiar with, waitressing.

Tina’s mother was starting to feel more hopeful. She had a job and she had friends. She was finally starting to feel like she had a life for the first time. She was also starting to feel guilty. She was feeling guilty because she was happy her husband was dead. She was grateful for Tina’s prayer and maybe this was how God had decided to give her a new start.

It was a this point that she starting seeing someone out of the corner of her eye. She started seeing him everywhere. It was like he was following her. She couldn’t make out the features of his face and when she would turn to look at him directly to get a better view he wouldn’t be there. It was like he had vanished into thin air. After a few days of this kind of thing she started to feel anxious again. The idea of someone stalking her was nervewracking. She would ask people who were nearby her if they saw someone but nobody was ever paying close enough attention to answer her plainly.

After a few weeks of this kind thing happening to her, Tina’s mother started to feel like she was losing her mind. Then one day she turned to look and he was still there. She started to walk toward him to get a better look at his facial features. Once she got close enough to see him clearly, she almost fainted. It was her husband. She knew what she was seeing must be a ghost but he looked real enough to touch. Once she composed herself enough she said “I thought you were dead?”

“How you could just leave me behind after everything we’ve been through?” He asked. Tina was shocked at the fact that he spoke to her.

“I didn’t leave you, you left me. How could you do this to me?” She countered.

“You think it was my idea. You think leaving you alone with the kids was my idea. I’m not the one who prayed.” He responded.

“Yes, I do think it was your idea, it would be just the kind of selfish thing you would do. To leave me alone with the children so you wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore.” She started to get histerical. People passing by her on the street shot her worried looks. She seemed to be having an argument with the surrounding atmosphere.

“I did everything for you but nothing I did ever mattered. I loved you.” He stopped speaking at this point. She didn’t respond for a moment. She knew he was right. Nothing was ever good enough. No matter how he tried it just was never right. She broke down right there on the street and started crying uncontrollably. “I’m sorry.” she said back to him, “I’m sorry I’m happy that you’re gone. I’m sorry you had to die to make me happy.” His image disappeared.

A few minutes later Tina’s granmother arrived. Someone who had witnessed Tina’s mothers breakdown had called her and she came. She wrapped her arms around her daughter and comforted her. “I shouldn’t be happy that he’s dead.” she said, “I’m such a horrible person.”

“You’re not a horrible person.” Tina’s grandmother countered, “You’ve just been put in a horrible situation.” She helped her in the car and she drove her home.