Depression calling home.

Life was getting better, my job, my future realigned. Now I’m not sure what do, maybe it’s quitting time. I don’t want this feeling anymore , I don’t want it to stay. But this familiar dark heavy blanket just won’t go away. It creeps back up swift ,but light, then it controls everything, and how I live my life. Is it because I lost my job? Another failure on my skin? Or is it that this isn’t enough, I need more medicine. I don’t want RX written on my liver, heart and mind. I want my body back, these emotions are mine. Why can’t I control it? Why does it always linger. I try my best, but everything gets stripped away at the snap of a finger. Is it luck? Or lack there of? Or is it me? Not following the man above. Is this how I’m punished? My existing track record of everything demolished. My life is an uphill battle, constant land slides under my souls. I try to get traction, but my ankles always fold. I claw at the hill, dirt under my nail, and the earth laughs because yet again i fail. Im tired of trying, tired of failing, tired of disappointment, tired of no railings. I can’t blame anyone or anything for these past years, only I can’t think of any reasons for these past tears. My heart is growing empty, dense and cold. My body only continues to grow and grow old. My future draining like water through my hands. I’m trying to drink but I don’t think I ever can. The widening gaps time is spacing, what are the reasons for these trials I’m facing. My ankles are weak, my knees trembling, my stomach sick and my lungs are empty. My heart dark and my head running. Why does this dark heavy blanket keep returning.

Hey it’s me, depression, just checking in, making sure you still have those failures on your skin. Hey how’s life, I’ve heard about how you lost another wife. Just seeing how you are, making sure I still have my grips, I just want you to avoid seeing that pointless therapist. don’t worry I’ll cover you, just stay in bed, I’ll keep control of the ideas in your head. Blame it on God, blame it on you, I don’t really care cause there’s not much to do. I won’t stay long, or as far as youll know, I’ll just be in the back, and taking control. I’ll be under that hill, you keep striving to climb but when are you going to learn when it’s quitting time? I know your thirst, I know your weak, just stop while your still down, you’ll never reach that peak. You did okay, tried to stay steady, but when you think your fine, I’ll have this blanket ready.