i wish

i look out these

tear-streaked windows

and wish i could stop yearning

for a better life.

i wish i could smile at them

and mean it.

i wish i could enjoy this

amazing life of mine.

eat ice cream minus the shame.

dance crazily without feeling embarrassed.

wear what i want and not be defined by it.

be who i am

without being judged.

but i can’t.

i feel ashamed eating all those calories,

i never dance at parties,

and i wear what i think is acceptable.

at night,

i bury myself in my

bruised blue-and-grey sheets

and wish that i didn’t wish

to be gone.