Gift Wrapping

“Zack? Babe, where are you?”

“Don’t come in.” Dan opens the door anyway.

“Hey, I told you not to come in! I’m wrapping presents!”

Dan scoops me into his arms and kisses me.

“I thought I told you I didn’t want anything but you.”

“Yeah well, I’m expensive. I have needs.”

“Okay, our with it. What’d you get me?”

“You’re going to laugh.”

“Wonderful. I like laughing.”

“No, I’m serious.”

“What is it?”

“Condoms.”

Dan laughs.

“I told you you were going to laugh!”

“Zackary Darrel Cullham. This is why I love you.” I blush under his gaze. His perfect eyes are staring at me.

“Dan?” He kisses me.

“Yeah?”

“I think this should be the year.”

“The year we what? Lose our virginity?” A bigger blush from me.

“Um.. yes, I hope, but that’s not what I mean.”

“Then what?”

“I’m going to tell my Mom.”

Shocked silence, which I expected.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Then lets do it. Now.” I blink for a minute, studying his face.

“Wow, I did not expect that to be easy.”

“Oh, it won’t be easy. There is going to be a major flag war tonight.” I push him playfully.

“Oh the horror.”

“Like last time? ‘Ah, Danny, please don’t kill me! Ah!’”

“Mmm, shut up. I’ll beat you this time.”

“No one can stop me in the pursuit of vengeance!”

“So funny-“

“Zach? Dan? What’re you two boys doing?”

“Gift wrapping,” we say together. Dan steps on my toe.

“Uh... Ma?”

“Yeah?”

“I have something to tell you.”

“Does it have anything to do with the condoms on your bed?” I wince.

“Um... sort of?”

“Did you get a girl pregnant? Do you have a girlfriend?”

“Um... not exactly...”

“Say what?”

“Mom... Mom, I’m gay.”

“That’s wonderful, sweetie.” Me and Dan look at eachother.

“That is not at all what I expected you to say.”

“Well, I have something to tell you, too.”

“What?”

“You know how I’m always going on about how the earth is overpopulated?”

“Yes...”

“And you know how you always think I’m a hypocrite because I had kids?”

“Uh... yes.... mom, where is this conversation going?”

“You’re adopted.”

“Um... wow.”

“So now you can follow after me and adopt a kid, too! And save the world from overpopulation and give some lonely kid a home and a family!”

“Wow. That’s... interesting...”

“This has got to be the weirdest conversation that I have ever third wheeled in... and I’ve been to my sister’s wedding, so that’s saying a lot.”

“I love you no matter what, honey.”

“I love you too, Mom. Or... not mom. I love you.”

“You come here too, Daniel. You’re part of the family too.”

“Oh, Miss Cullham, no...” I laugh as she grabs his sweatshirt hood and pulls him close.

“My two boys....”

“This is so weird,” Dan whispers.

“Yeah,” I say. “But I love it.”

“Hey Zack?”

“Yeah?”

“Next year, we’re telling my parents.”

“Oh, Lord...”