So I Won’t Forget Too

Looking into the eyes of someone with Alzheimer’s is not something you ever forget. I’m staring at my grandma, who once used to cook for me after school and watch Jeopardy with me. I swear, she knew all the answers. I don’t even know how that’s possible. She’s got freckles all over her face, sun spots down her arms, wrinkles galore, and her peppered hair is blossoming out around her on the pillow. I want to say she’s beautiful, and she is, but there is nothing beautiful about the disease keeping her trapped. Her eyes are staring at the ceiling, darting back and forth, and there’s fear on her face. Shifting her gaze, she stares back at me, and that’s all. She’s not looking at me, just staring. For a brief moment, I can see emotion, a shimmer of recognition. But then I realize that’s just me hoping. She’s gone. Her mind is diseased. She doesn’t know who the fuck I am.

My grandpa is being taken care of elsewhere. His is dementia. Same damn thing. I look at him, he stares back and he looks like he’s about to cry. I want to think it’s because he’s happy to see me. But I can’t read the mind of someone whose mind is broken. He’s in a reclining chair, “watching” basketball on television. I smile,r eminiscing, because if it wan't Jeopardy at Grandma's house, we were watching Papa's sports. Good 'ole days. The veins in his legs are popping, and even sitting, he still looks tall as ever. He used to have hair, a big bald spot in the middle with the rest of it neatly combed down on the sides. But he's just completely bald now. He's not even wearing his glasses. I mean, what' the point of seeing if you don't even remember who you are I guess.

Take me back.

Bring me back to their house.

Papa just picked me up from school and now we're sitting in the living room watching Jeopardy.

He's in his usual green, worn out chair. It doesn't recline, but I like this one better. Grandma is popping off the answers before the contestants can.

When they look at me, they see me. They talk to me. They call me by my name.

I just wanted to relive this part one more time. I don't want to forget like they did.