“I hate this place.”

The little fox terrier looked up at his master, tilting his head at her in confusion. Lacey gazed back at her pup and sighed. “I’ll get us a nicer apartment one day ok, Jax.” Jax barked excitedly in response. Lacey continued to circle around the living room, sweeping up the dust and dirt that gathered in her home what seemed like every hour. There was just something about living in an industrial area that really fucks up everything. If she left the windows open, all the soot from the car shop next door would creep its way in with more stealth than a cat. If she closed them, the apartment turned into a god damn sauna.

Lacey and Jax lived on a borderline. To one side of their building, there was an infinite line of auto shops, hole in the wall bars and tiny convenience stores. And to the other side was the gateway to the heart of the ghetto. All hours of the day and night, they could hear drilling, pounding, mechanics shouting, drunken singing, cars and trucks pulling in and out, glass bottles smashing into the pavement, surly neighbors scolding their children. Blue flashing lights shining out on the streets acted as night lights for little Jax.

Lacey dropped her broom down in the corner and stood back to look at her work. “This is as clean as it’s gonna get.” The carpet areas were vacuumed, the books were stacked neatly on the shelves, and the laundry was all put away in the drawers. But the tiled floor was still stained in patches from god knows what. It had been that way when she moved in. Peering into the bathroom, the shower was falling apart; a whole piece of foundation had ripped away, revealing gross brown moldy insides. The floor of the tub was peeling more.

The kitchen was home to ants and roaches. Clean everything up and they just come back at nighttime. Up in the corners of the ceiling, little webs were flapping back and forth; Lacey always wondered how the insects coexisted here. Shouldn’t they all be eating each other? Her favorites were the lizards. Now THEY could conquer them all.

Realizing she had just been ranting in her head about lizard/insect battles, Lacey chuckled and opened the fridge for a drink to numb her disgust. Out of beer. But luckily, there was still a full wine bottle. She took out a glass from the musky cupboard, changed her mind, then took a swig directly from the bottle. Jax rubbed against her legs, wagging his tail. “Oh, you want some too, buddy?” A loud bark resounded. “Too bad. I love you and that’s why I won’t even give you a splash of this stuff.” He whined.

Plopping herself down on the couch to mindlessly watch TV, Lacey was grateful to finally be able to relax. Jax laid himself down in her lap. Another sip. Another gulp. The forensic scientists on the screen looked so cool in their goggles, discussing sciencey things over a skeleton. Look at them, so important to the world. And here I am, getting drunk with my dog. As if Jax could read her mind, he gave a tiny whimper and shifted to glare at her. That’s the great thing about dogs – they always see their human as the most important person in the world.

With perfect synchronicity, Lacey emptied the bottle the moment the credits started rolling. Next week on Bones…blah blah blah, 8/7 central.

“Let’s make it a point to do something different next week, ok bud?”

She clicked the off button on the remote and sauntered off back to the kitchen to toss the bottle. Maybe I should go buy more. Lacey didn’t drink often. But today was one of those days for an unnecessary pity party just because. She quickly pulled on pants and grabbed her wallet, keys, and pocket knife (just in case). She felt the buzz wash over her a little and it felt amazing. The sirens now playing their song outside, were quieter than they actually were. Jax, who was sleeping lightly on the couch, awoke to the jingling keys and rushed over to Lacey, asking to come along. She ruffled his ears and decided to take him for a walk. She put back the knife. He would protect her as tiny as he was, as she would protect him.

As the sirens stopped, Lacey heard a strange sound. A sucking noise, wind. Very vague, though. The buzz from the alcohol made it difficult to pinpoint. She cursed herself. Jax had noticed it as well. He was already off sniffing, listening, doing his dog thing. Duh. He had traced it to a corner of the living room. She flipped the lightswitch on and followed him to the corner. At the base, the wallpaper was tearing (oh great, what else is new) and little dirt particles were being sucked into a tiny hole. The baseboard was also coming off, chipped in places. “Why the fuck would there be air coming through here,” Lacey thought. “Am I just drunk?! Fucking imagining things now…great.” But tiny whimpers were coming from Jax and it worried her. He was starting to back away from the wall. “Ok, so I’m not the only one.”

She began to rip at the wallpaper. So many thoughts started to run through her mind. I’m only renting this place, even if it’s already fucked up I can’t just blatantly rip this place apart. What if this is like those fantasy novels? Does this lead to another world? Or is this whole building just gonna fall apart soon? I’m starting to think it wasn’t even built correctly to begin with. Yeah, that’s all. Just another stupid problem the landlord won’t even be bothered to fix. Fuck it.

And she continued to rip along the bottom of the wall, with Jax watching her anxiously. She kicked at the baseboard and more pieces chipped off. Honestly, it felt kind of nice to break something. She kicked it harder. The neighbors downstairs must’ve grabbed their broom or something to whack at the ceiling. So they were irritated with her noise, huh? Well what about you, fuckers? Every night, I listen to your yelling, your bottles smashing. And now you have the fucking nerve to get irritated with me?! She grabbed the baseball bat she had lying by the front door and swung with all her might at the board. Once, twice, three times. Smash. Smash. SMASH!! Fuck everybody. The beautiful cracking of the wood made her spirit soar. It was indeed her turn to contribute to the noises of the night. Breathing deep, she listened to the stillness that followed her outburst. Nothing. Quiet. No retort. Wow.

Good. You fuckers aren’t allowed to get upset with me. Not after all the shit this neighborhood makes me put up with. She waited a little longer to see if someone would come charging up the stairs to knock angrily at her door. Still nothing. She smiled at Jax. The pup seemed a slightly unnerved, but softened when she reached down to reassure him.

In all her rage, she didn’t immediately realize what she had uncovered behind the wall. The wood and plaster were barely intact, and behind it, iron bars were visible. The wind was blowing stronger now. She broke off the last bits of wall to reveal a floor to ceiling wrought iron gate. It appeared to lead down into a tunnel. There were stone steps and further down, she could see torches stuck to the wall, lighting the way.

WHAT.

Jax was usually a quiet dog. Whenever he came across something he didn’t like, he responded with a low growl and walked away. But tonight, in the face of the unknown, he deemed it to be completely untrustworthy and worth losing his shit over. The brave pup attempted to speak out to his master. Barking his lungs out. Warning her. He wouldn’t shut up. He nipped at Lacey’s jeans, trying to pull her further from the entryway. She contemplated any ways this could be explained rationally. But her train of thought was cut as soon as it started. Her apartment was at the edge of the whole building. The only thing that should be on the other side of this wall was the OUTSIDE. Open air, sky, street, people, other buildings. This was a FUCKING TUNNEL heading down into an abyss. Like any sane person, she closed her eyes, rubbed her face with her hands, shook her head, and opened her eyes again just to prove this fucking gate was real.

Yep. Still there.

Lacey looked more closely at the gate. Intricate weaved designs were etched into the bars. At the five corners of it, were circular medals. Each with different symbols on it. To make matters worse, none of these symbols seemed at all recognizable. She got the feeling they were ancient. And…evil. More than anything in that moment, she wished she was someone else. Because she already knew that she would try to open this gate, even if every instinct in her body and Jax included, told her to run the fuck away. Why? Because for someone like Lacey, life so far was just…stale.

Sure, there were moments she loved to breathe, fewer moments where she felt truly motivated to something with herself, moments she loved to talk and meet people. And especially Jax, he made coming home worthwhile. She knew how essential it was to appreciate all the little things in life. Every day, she made it a point to mentally make that list of anything good in her life that made sense and helped her cope with how stupid the rest of the world is. She knew, of course she knew there was more to life and it was her own god damn fault that she was stuck in her current situation. She could thrive where she truly wanted to. But seriously, how many people can keep themselves motivated one hundred percent of the time? So inevitably, she fell every now and then. Like today. When she bitched about how gross her home was. How shitty the neighborhood is. It’s so easy to forget to be grateful.

Lacey stands in front of the intriguing mystical doorway and thinks “it’s about time I found an adventure.”

The gate was rusted and scraping against stone. She grabbed hold of the lever and pushed as hard as she could until it gave way. The grating sound as the tiny flecks of metal fell away made Jax yet even more uneasy. Dust clouds from the plaster puffed and obscured the dog’s vision.

When it settled, Lacey and her companion stared into the darkness, hearts beating rapidly, tension filling them, yet both curious as to what lay ahead.

Lacey debated though, if she should tie Jax up in one of the rooms to keep him safe. If what was to come meant harm, he didn’t deserve it. Innocence must be protected. But Lacey on the other hand, Lacey was human. And if it came down to her and the dog, the dog always won. She smiled that same smile at him. “Come on, boy. I know you don’t wanna go in there. I’m gonna let you stay in the bedroom ok?” He barked this time in defiance to his master. Loyalty at its finest. He circled her legs and jumped up onto her to reassure her this time that everything would be ok if they just stuck together. She hesitated. But Jax was a stubborn one. Brave for such a tiny little thing. She leashed him and together they ventured into the tunnel…the baseball bat in one hand, canine soldier in the other.

They took the few steps down carefully, for they were slimy with god knows what. Maybe it was just water and moss. Hopefully. It leveled off and ahead was just a straight path.

“I’m grateful there’s lit torches in here, Jax.”

Never mind who lit them or why in the first place. Never mind she was entering a different world where the familiar city life should’ve been. Never mind the moist air, the rancid smell, and the fact that nobody else knew where she was in case they died in here. At least the torches were lit.

It continued for about 200 feet. With each step, the anxiety rose, and every now and then she had to reach down just to fluff Jax’s ears for comfort, both his and hers. It gave her a slight peace of mind knowing she wasn’t completely alone in this hellish looking place. Why am I doing this?! What’s wrong with me? No variation in the stone, no indication there’s a turnoff anywhere, no indication of life either. Her breathing became erratic. The lump in her throat would not go away. She made the mistake of looking back toward her apaprtment. It wasn’t in sight. No light was behind her except for the torches. Closing her eyes, and bending down to hold Jax tight, she wished and wished and wished she was dreaming. Something was paralyzing her. Making fear take hold. All she had to do was turn and run back with her beautiful companion to their mundane apartment and everything would be okay.

But all around was fear. And in a nebulous of nothingness like this tunnel, fear is an ultimate paralyzer. Tears were running down her cheeks. She was like a child again. A 27-year-old child clutching her puppy.

Brave little Jax took charge. Licking the tears off her face he barked and barked and barked yanking at his leash, not to go back, but to keep moving forward. “Oh pal, you are fucking nuts! You still wanna walk down this thing?! It looks endless!” she cried to him. Pup persisted. Lacey knew to trust her dog’s instincts more than her own. Humans are fallible, stupid things compared to any animal. So why did Jax seem skeptical at first? Did a scent change or something?

She mustered up whatever weak amounts of courage she had, ruffled Jax’s fur again and they continued along the passage.

Moments later, came a fork in the tunnel. Canine soldier dutifully sniffed the wet ground along both paths and decided to keep heading straight in the way they were going. The stench of mold grew stronger, causing Lacey to gag. She hadn’t realized she’d been sweating the whole journey from the heat of the torches lined along the walls. Everything about this was disgusting. She could feel her shoes getting caked with mud. Insects started to show face as well. Climbing along the stone walls only visible around the torchlights. Those irritating chittering sounds of their legs scrambling along sent a shiver down her spine. I am never going to bitch my apartment ever again if and when I get out of here.

“ Why am I doing this?” she asked herself again. I must be out of my god damn mind. And bringing Jax into this shit with me. I’m a selfish bastard.

Out of the darkness, dim pinpricks of light were visible up ahead. Lacey’s heart soared and her companion matched her giddiness. In perfect synchronization, the pair began sprinting down the path, desperate for release from the endless underground tunnel. Breathing ragged, Lacey slowed as they were but a few yards away, and unsure what lay around the corner.

The hand that held the baseball bat was slippery with her nervous sweat, but she tightened her grip on it and wound the dog’s leash around her hand, bringing him closer, desperately wanting to protect him. Easing her way closer, she tried to steady her breath, but to no avail. Jax started barking, but his tail was wagging. Was it safe?

Sure as hell didn’t feel like it anymore. The relief from first seeing a break in the impenetrable darkness was gone now. Something was wrong. The light wasn’t light. Not the inviting kind. Flickering faded lights with dark shades being thrown into the hallway. Grays and greens casting somber and creepy vibes onto the innocent pair.

Standing right at the edge of the room, she lifted the bat in defense…but what good is this thing if there’s something supernatural waiting there for us.

Brave little Jax lurched forward pulling the leash in curiosity but then jerked back and barked. Dogs always know best.

Lacey stood in shock at what lay before them. She was staring into an exact replica of her apartment. Only, a twisted, upside down version of it. This place was pristine. No half broken cabinets, shiny hardwood floor, working air conditioner, vibrant colors on the curtains and furniture. The place smelled like someone had let off a scent bomb of amber, leather, and new hardwood. That same sheen you see when you pull the plastic off new devices and appliances…it was just like that literally everywhere in this apartment. There was no sound. NO sound anywhere. A god damn clean room, with no outside contamination whatsoever. This is what she dreamed of actually. A home that was beautiful, clean, and welcoming. Jax was so confused, as Lacey stood there, still disoriented. Both of them stalling in the open doorway. Hesitant but excited. Should we go in, Jax? Should we check this shit out? I mean, for fucks sake, this is s a dream anyway, right? What’s the harm?

Lacey stepped forward into the entryway, her shoe squeaking on the immaculate floor. Wait. What? Her shoe was no long covered in filth. The mud from the tunnels had miraculously disappeared. Lacey stared at her shoe in disbelief and paranoia. Not only was it clean, it was brand new. She realized her clothing had also been replaced. Everything just magically brand new. “Oh my God, Jax, what the fuck is this?” Her instincts told her they needed to run like all fiery hell was chasing them, back to their godforsaken shithole apartment, where at least everything was real. But logic also told her, none of this was real anyway. That she must have fallen asleep watching TV. And though she had stood at the gate convincing herself that this was real, it didn’t’ make any sense. It wasn’t a practical joke either . No one could pull this shit off. No, she did not volunteer to go under any experimentation in the real world where hallucinogens or mind control would be a factor. It had to just be a dream. A really fucking messed up, lucid dream. Did I take any drugs? No. No of course, I didn’t what the hell.

She stormed into the sterile apartment, frantically looking around for anyone or anything else out of the ordinary. Clack, clack, clack echoing form her shoes as she made her way to open the bedroom door. No, yet again, nothing, just a cool waft of the purifying air condition…attempting to lure her deeper in love with the place. The king size bed was made, not a single wrinkle on it. The blue hues of the satin curtains complemented the gray shades of the bedsheets. Lilac, clean linen…like someone sprayed all the glade scents in the cleaning aisle of a grocery throughout the entire abode. Gosh, this was more sterile than a 5-star hotel. Luxury apartment. Attacking all of her senses, begging her to stay. Just stay here in this place. But Jax wasn’t having it. Jax’s sixth sense was trying to get Lacey’s attention because she was just getting lost. Getting lost in the illusion of whatever this was. He barked and barked up at her, tugging at his leash, hoping to jolt her with irritation. But she paid him no mind. She just stared at the beauty of perfection.

Lacey faintly heard something behind her, was it Jax? What did he want? Her attention focused on the intricate carving in the wood of the vanity. It was similar to the designs on something else she had seen recently. What was it? She couldn’t remember. Metal? No. But this was gorgeous. And she always wondered how artists had the patience to finish their pieces. It must’ve taken weeks. A tap tapping was knocking on her brain. What was she supposed to remember? She turned to look down beside her, she swore she heard a dog barking. But there was no dog there. She was holding no leash. Oh well. She ran her fingers over the polished wood yet again and turned to face the gorgeous layout of her new bedroom. She smiled. Tap tap. Something still tap tapping in the back of her mind. Something forgotten she should’ve remembered. Oh well. She sat on the luxurious king size bed and felt herself melting into the comfort. Was this memory foam? Wait. No she was actually melting into it. No it was more like quicksand. She tried to grasp the sheets to pull herself into a sitting position. It was a horribly disconcerting, confusing, indecisive feeling. Comfort, yet panic. She still tried to sit up. But the bed continued to slowly yank her under. What was this? And all of a sudden the sheets sucked out from under her, like the middle of the bed transformed into a vacuum and pulled her and her sanity under. She screamed.

And woke.

Still screaming. Lacey’s heart pounding in her chest, she bolted upright and found herself on her couch. Frantically, she searched for Jax, slowly coming to to the fact that she’d been trapped in a god damn fucking nightmare. A beautifully insane one. Jax came running into the living room from the bedroom hallway, a smile on his face, and beautiful, beautiful bark. He catapulted into Lacey’s arms and Lacey squished him as close to her as she possibly could. Her breathing slowed, her heartrate steadied, and she calmed, tears freefalling from her face. But at least Jax was back to comfort her and lick the tears away. “I missed you bud. Never again. I’m never taking you or this place for granted ever again. I forgot you existed…”

She set him down next to her on her ripped up beaten couch and stared around at her beatdown raggedy ass apartment with roaches visible on the walls, cracks and leaks form the ceiling and the scuff marks on the floor from years of wear and tear. And she smiled. Happy to be back.

I would like to just fucking go to sleep.

But I'm scared I'll miss something. I'm scared I've wasted enough time in dreams I don't ever remember. I read half of a novel today, and got reminded why I love storytelling so much. I wanted to continue the story, but I also had a desire to write something... anything. So I came to the place where everybody convenes to let out the chaos in their brain and attempt to make sense of it. I'm so fucking tired my eyelids are fighting me. My eyes have probably become bloodshot, and my thought processes are slowing down. But I'm hoping if I just keep typing something amazing will come out.

Yeah, right. HAH!

My cat, Pluto, she loves it when I'm at my laptop. She snuggles right next to it, nudges my hand and encourages me to keep trying. Pretty sure she's the only one left that thinks this should be my one true endeavor. That's okay if she is. I trust her more than most.

Writing prompts are great. What came out of one that I chose...not so much. But I finally finished it...my short shit story. I'm proud of myself for following through, even if it is shit.

Well, I guess that was it. It wasn't how I expected it to end, but none of us get to choose. I wasn't ready. I didn't plan well. I didn't tell you all I loved you so fucking much and I didn't make time for you. I didn't listen as much as I should've and I won't get to see you all achieve the great things you're meant for. I was supposed to watch my friends get married. To see my family come closer together. I didn't do shit with my life. Well, that's not true. I did a lot, just not everything else I was looking forward to. I was only starting to dream big. I wanted to get promoted. I wanted to get married. I wanted to get my degree and have this unattainable vision to help change the world. But the world is always changing anyway, isn't it? It didn't need me. But I hope you did. Because I needed you guys, too. And I'm so, so happy I got the chance make memories with you all. Tell my girlfriend to keep me in her heart and that I still plan to marry her one day...when the planets invert and the stars explode...the heavens and realms of unknown meet together again...we'll do great things together again. One day.

@dream

Looking into the eyes of someone with Alzheimer’s is not something you ever forget. I’m staring at my grandma, who once used to cook for me after school and watch Jeopardy with me. I swear, she knew all the answers. I don’t even know how that’s possible. She’s got freckles all over her face, sun spots down her arms, wrinkles galore, and her peppered hair is blossoming out around her on the pillow. I want to say she’s beautiful, and she is, but there is nothing beautiful about the disease keeping her trapped. Her eyes are staring at the ceiling, darting back and forth, and there’s fear on her face. Shifting her gaze, she stares back at me, and that’s all. She’s not looking at me, just staring. For a brief moment, I can see emotion, a shimmer of recognition. But then I realize that’s just me hoping. She’s gone. Her mind is diseased. She doesn’t know who the fuck I am.

My grandpa is being taken care of elsewhere. His is dementia. Same damn thing. I look at him, he stares back and he looks like he’s about to cry. I want to think it’s because he’s happy to see me. But I can’t read the mind of someone whose mind is broken. He’s in a reclining chair, “watching” basketball on television. I smile,r eminiscing, because if it wan't Jeopardy at Grandma's house, we were watching Papa's sports. Good 'ole days. The veins in his legs are popping, and even sitting, he still looks tall as ever. He used to have hair, a big bald spot in the middle with the rest of it neatly combed down on the sides. But he's just completely bald now. He's not even wearing his glasses. I mean, what' the point of seeing if you don't even remember who you are I guess.

Take me back.

Bring me back to their house.

Papa just picked me up from school and now we're sitting in the living room watching Jeopardy.

He's in his usual green, worn out chair. It doesn't recline, but I like this one better. Grandma is popping off the answers before the contestants can.

When they look at me, they see me. They talk to me. They call me by my name.

I just wanted to relive this part one more time. I don't want to forget like they did.

In order to know what love is, you must first figure out what it is not.

Love is not controlling, it is not suffocating.

Love is not demanding or a chore to be done.

Love is not distrusting or questioning.

Love is not something that takes the backseat.

In other words, it does not in any way feel wrong and it is of the utmost importance.

My gosh, Love is the source of everything that makes the world not go insane.

It feels...right. When the rest of the world is collapsing around you, where do you go? Running to the arms of people who love you. When anger takes over, what is the only thing that calms it down? A show of love. What is it we are all searching for in this god forsaken place? Love.

What is love?

It's the only damn thing that makes sense.