Crying over spill’t milk
Hi, I am autistic. I don't want to tell you my name because I am exteremely paranoid. I am fully aware of how irrational it is. I always feel like people are talking about me but I know in my mind that it's absurd. I mean I know that people are not talking about me any more than they are talking about other people.
The biggest thing for me about being autistic is that my mind just works way too slow. I function at a pretty high level, I just do it slowly. It can be frustrating at times because there are times when I really want my brain to work faster and it just wont. If I am doing something for the first time, it might take me a few minutes to get my bearings and get clued in to what needs to be done and it does make me look stupid at times.
The second biggest thing for me about being autistic is that I don't get a lot of social cues and I have trouble relating to people. When I learned I was autistic it really was a relief because it put all of my frustrations into context. It seemed like everybody else knew something I didn't and nobody was telling me. I realize now that it wouldn't have mattered if somebody clued me in, there are things that my brain just isn't capable of processing. I can understand a lot of concepts but my brain just can't apply it or put it into practice. It seems strange but that's the way it is.
The third thing about being autistic is that my emotions are always evident on my face. I'm sure that with practice I could probably learn to hide them but for the most part it just shows. This puts me at a disadvantage when dealing with other people because they can read how I feel. Of all the things about beign autistic this is the one thing I don't like.
I don't really tell people that I am autistic and most people that meet me just think I'm a little odd. I don't have many friends but I do have a few. I am also capable of aquiring and holding down a job. I've never lived completely by myself but I've had roommates. I've learned to recognize the limitations of my brain and I've also learned how to keep myself in situations that my brain can manage which I think is really important.