I dont know where my heart is

I be the first to say I didnt try

Why would I ?

we were a happy ending

not meant for forever

we werent diseny

we were sally and jack

to lovely dead things

claspEd to each other for life

maybe that’s why we didn’t work

i tried to be the butterfly you needed

you became a capitallar

and drew away from me

you made me feel small

i held my bones in my arms

I scooped out my soul

and wrote every line for you

it’s my greatest shame why I stopped writing here

I longed for your mouth to scoop up my words

you longed for the world to love you

you were my world

you stopped acting like you loved me

maybe that’s why I started to belive you were looking for home in other places

I blame myself for why maybe you didn’t want to make banana foster with me

your Appetite grew small

but her was instabible

you brought the damn supplies to tear my whole world

Four years

I regret straying onto to your page

their I found my other half

I don’t know where we broke specfically

but my heart will

you can compass

the names of all the girls

who fell in love with boy behind the words

it’s eaiser to blame somebody than to aceapt the truth

you were broken way before you met me

you thought my love could healed you

I will never forget how you told me I was your inspriation

I just needed your love

I like a child

handed you my arms

hoping you would keep me safe

you said A million things

they replay in my head like a record player

i rember you wrote me a poem called Carmel

maybe it’s all the little things you said and did that makes it hard to stop loving you

cause sometimes when were broken

we bled on People who never hurt us

you slash through my existence

kept remiding me as tears came down my face your strong

little did you know

those were tears for you

not for the situations I endured

your a runner baby

you keep your jays by edge of the bed

don’t hear from you for months

I prepared your funeral

I wrote a euglogy

sometimes i wonder am I ghost in your life

sometimes I feel like you can’t see me

i often wonder does The world know I was once yours

do you flip over that page

when they reach the libary of cages around your chest

Or do you keep a page folded

visting me only in my dreams

I stopped asking you to be somebody

my mind left

but my heart stayed

my mine is wrapped in this puzzle

you say you didn’t cheat

you say it louder

as if , you can change the volume of your voice will make me aceapted

that white boys with piercing blues eyes who write mysterious poetry don’t break black girls heart

go ahead and slit my throat

with your words

I stick a middle finger down my throat

trying to fuck out every trace of you

pulling out the pain

so I no longer remember all your sweet sayings

i Dumped pennies in a well

wishing we could work out

don’t say you miss me

if you stay gone

my heart is heavy

I can’t sleep

i know I should let you stay gone

I like dog gnaw on my bone

hoping I can bite you out of my marrow

your spreading inside me like a cancer

dont take my heart

out

put it back in place

they warNed about boys with dark brown hair and a chipped tooth smile

who smirk

like their nervous

Maybe I should have been better

I could have put more soul in my heart

maybe I could add a little salt to my ink then You see my wounds

maybe I could add rose in my name

maybe you would see how delicate I am

what did all those girls have to offer

was it their skinny waistline

and mystery eyes

and gregarious laughter

as if they couldnt see

you We’re mine

you told me she wasn’t that pretty she has crazy eyes

as if that would make me feel better

I know when you lied you strained

cause deep down you know my heart is a raspberry pulp

i started to pull away

cause felt the smallness call to me

my body became to consume its self

and maybe that’s what regret or lust tasted like

your back again

you didn’t pay a vist

maybe that’s when I realized

you were right I was too much for you

and maybe you were right when you said you have nothing for me

for I learned from you what staravation tasted like

you

hear we go again

my heart stuck in spaghetti

i convace one more time

trace my lips against yours

just to feel the last bit of human on your teeth

yet in spite of everything

hear I stand

with my head between my legs

shaking and crying

cause your saying

let’s be friends

in spite of everything

I don’t know how to your friend

I don’t know how to not want to climb on top of you

and run my hands through your hair

its a sin

in spite of everything

we start over

how many times can u write

me and you ?

dont you belive in the universe

we are a bad omen

we gotta stop doing us

and yet in the spite of everything

i wave hi I am Tyla

maybe if their wasn’t two many midnights up smiling at us

maybe we finally close

the door

i am sick of wanting more

but I need more

I need more of you

so why don’t you just love me this time right