She’s There

My fingers fidget with the cross hanging from my neck, years of training echo in my ears. Sex outside of marriage, sin! homosexuality, sin! lust, sin! I can‘t seem to catch my breath, thinking so hard about every thought captivating it before it leaves. I can do this I can be what they trained me to be; I fall asleep saying my prayers. She’s there she makes me laugh, my heart skips a beat as she takes my hand. The way she looks at me and I at her the purest of love. The way she undresses me with her eyes, entranced by are needs for each other. She kisses me and I feel as though I’m finally taking a breath. I awake and the guilt hits me, betraying the beliefs of my life’s foundation; and yet every time I close my eyes she’s there, and with her I finally feel free.