Guilt or Shame?

It is late at night yet as I sit in bed I can hear my mother in the room across the hall. She is quiet but just loud enough for me to listen in. Her phone makes these swift, whooshing sounds, as if she were playing a game. I then hear an automated voice speaking Spanish and my mother repeating it in her own soft, innocent voice. At this point I realize she is teaching herself Spanish, and for some reason I feel a slight rush of emotion. In a matter of a couple healthy seconds, I reflect upon our relationship, what she deserves verus what she gets, and it causes me pain. I am so much more grateful for her than I can ever seem to express and that is very overwhelming. I wonder how I got here and how my life came to be this way. People say that anger is a secondary emotion. I believe it more and more with each passing day. For me, sadness is usually the source. The frustration comes in with the awareness of your own wrongdoing, or inability to healthily cope.