With every breath, I’m longing for you..

The comfort of your presence and feeling at home.

I see twinkles in your eyes and in that moment I know,

You’re the only missing piece that I’ll ever need.

I’m praying that you know too.

Some may think it stupid, and I’ll admit that I used to,

But you and I are meant to be.

Until the end, we’ll work this through.

What are you passionate about? How often do you practice those things? How does that make you feel?

Everyone has a voice, some long for theirs to be heard more intensely than others..

Though, all of us need to be understanding of our own.

Sometimes your thoughts and feelings become too much, whether it be from running away from them for so long, or simply suppression.

That can make it overwhelming..

More difficult to function or to cope.

When this occurs for me I’ve noticed that the organization of my thoughts and feelings can help slow it all down.

Writing, music, meditation, yoga; anything having to do with art, breathing and being in the moment can be of solace, long term or otherwise..

The hardest part of having the purest heart,

Are the days when you feel you cannot be who you need to be.

When the aching in your chest becomes too much,

Everyone you love is pretending it’s okay, so why can’t you?

Focus on the good, never bad..

It’s never really been quite that simple,

Though my hardest I try.

There is always something to crumble my heart.

The only true escape is to change my way of thinking.

Negative after negative, it spreads like a disease.

My only known cure is denial, distraction,

Only positivity in all ways

Do you believe in mind over matter?

My chest tightens up, rib cage crushing my lungs..

The pressure builds but I can’t decide where from.

Voicebox swells but still I yell,

Gasping for air in between.

My intentions always clear to myself..

However, not a soul seems to understand.

Why do I always have to feel this way?

Will I ever be able to stop?

They say catch it before it happens,

But what if it happens before you can think?

How do I recognize the size of a storm,

By the ripples of a sail?

Everything feels like my fault; pain, confusion, fear, anxiety.

Somehow I do it to myself..

The most destructive thing to me is myself,

Does that mean I deserve it all?

How do I escape the crushing darkness that is my mind?

I breathe so fast it makes me nauseous.

How can I finally breathe, when it’s myself I’m choking?

How do you fix a heart that's been torn apart, over and over again?

When is it time that you recognize your soul’s need for redemption?

How many times will you use drugs to rise..

Only to see that they dig you deeper?

The search to find a euphoric connection,

A never-ending chase for life; fulfillment.

Our small desires won’t satisfy the craving, only tame us uncertainly.

A day by day struggle to do what's best.

What is best?

A temporary plug to fill the hole that is your heart,

Or a routine mend with no guarantee of a complete fix?

Thoughts race faster than you can comprehend, reacting to conditions, as well as each other.

Is there any way to know which feelings are real?

There must be a way to live.

Tell me how could he leave and take my heart?

Now I sit here and I think about how we got this far

And I can’t help myself from falling apart.

I know you said that you ain't done a thing

But I can’t help but wonder, if it’s true, why I where this ring?

Of course, that was yesterday, and the yesterday before that.

There are so many yesterdays, how does it end?

I promised you I'd stay, you know stayin’s what I do.

If it’s not for me, than it’ll only be for you.

We already got this far, honey tell me it’s true..

There’s only love after this, as if I owe it to you.

It's like life is a contradiction at times.

But only if you let it creep up on you.

The weight of your world on their shoulders,

Everything’s blending becomin’ an emotional storm.

Get out, and lift yourself upon the wreckage,

Before you’re caught up in the middle of the war.

Either way, clarity is sometimes found.

The pain of yesterday suddenly becomes a message that feels profound..

It is late at night yet as I sit in bed I can hear my mother in the room across the hall. She is quiet but just loud enough for me to listen in. Her phone makes these swift, whooshing sounds, as if she were playing a game. I then hear an automated voice speaking Spanish and my mother repeating it in her own soft, innocent voice. At this point I realize she is teaching herself Spanish, and for some reason I feel a slight rush of emotion. In a matter of a couple healthy seconds, I reflect upon our relationship, what she deserves verus what she gets, and it causes me pain. I am so much more grateful for her than I can ever seem to express and that is very overwhelming. I wonder how I got here and how my life came to be this way. People say that anger is a secondary emotion. I believe it more and more with each passing day. For me, sadness is usually the source. The frustration comes in with the awareness of your own wrongdoing, or inability to healthily cope.

my chest aches everyday, the reasons im never sure. the harder i try to be happy the darker it gets.. every time i focus on the good my energy seems to flip. my head always racing, palms start to sweat, the insides of my stomach in a mess. i try moving forward but it seems impossible.. how can i, when my perception has always been different than those around me?

You usually don’t pop into my head, not even before bed. Who are you and where have you been? I cry and I ache, but know you’re not my reason for pain. It isn’t you, not really. It’s the way you left and made me feel lonely. Like I’m nothing, not worth it, well let me tell you something, I’ve grown and I’ve changed; that includes my way of thinking. I am not the problem and never have been. Your cowardice ways will eat you alive. But what will win first? Your stubbornness or pride? You’ll never truly live or be happy, maybe when you die. It’s difficult to see eternal peace for you, though the Lord knows I have tried. Sometimes I pray for you, it must be exhausting having to hide. Cover up the emotions with yelling and imbibe.. Alcohol will always be there, be sure to put it first. There was obviously something you missed.. Though I’ve been cursed. To care for someone who simply does not care for you. But that was your job? Why would you give up? It doesn’t make sense to me. I know it never will. I won’t lose faith, because that’s when it all goes down hill..