Knowing Goodbye without Saying It

The freezing, winter night felt so lonely and yet full of anticipation because I knew I would soon be in her arms and the warmth of her. The drive to her home was not long, but seemed to last longer than it had in the past. Windshield wipers removing the snowflakes seemed to set the pace and the timing of this final journey. A journey I had become so comfortable with, and had traveled many times. This time, was different. I knew, after this night, everything would be different. I pulled onto her street which by this time of night, was mostly dark. Only a few lights could be seen on porches and even fewer in windows. I parked in front of the house as I had done many times. This time however, even though I was so eager to go inside, so excited to see her, I knew I needed to savor this night.

Walking up the driveway, snow gently collected on my coat. I stopped and looked up to the sky and then closed my eyes. The small flakes of cold, purity, stung my warm skin and blended with the tears that found their way onto my cheeks. I wiped my face and approached the door. Just as I imagined, she was waiting in anticipation, and invited me in. Her arms and firm body warmed me more than any fire could have on this cold night. The realization of final moments together slipped away and we were immediately the same friends, and lovers we had been for the past years. Gone were the responsibilities, the circumstances, all that remained was she and I, sharing time. With the night nearly gone, the realization of returning to the life that required so much of me flowed back into my mind like an ocean tide reaching across the sand. One last kiss, one final embrace. Before driving away, I again looked to the sky and allowed the snow to mix with the tears on my face. This was goodbye, even though we did not say the words to one another.