As Humans, we function, move through life,

exist, with the ever present Unknown.

Making plans, appointments in daily planners, schedules,

tiptoeing around the abyss, in the dark, with our eyes closed.

At any moment, the Unknown could become Known,

but we would not be able to describe it or share the discovery.

The Shadow that follows, escapes our view, waiting, watching for the opportunity,

a misstep, or a blind fall, the reveal of the Unknown.

The stinging cold on my face jolted me out of my sleep. I sat up in bed and could see my breath. I wondered to myself, why hadn't the heater come on? I glanced over to the night stand and could not see the digital face of the alarm clock. Fumbling for the light switch only reinforced the fact there was no power on in the house. I got out of bed and walked to the window. Snow was piling up outside and did not appear to be letting up anytime soon. I thought for a moment, the heavy snow storm must have knocked out power somewhere. I put on my bathrobe and walked through the house collecting candles and preparing to settle in for a cold day at home. I wondered how long the power would be out and thought maybe I should at least call the power company to report the outage at my house.

After lighting a couple of candles, I picked up the cell phone. The cell phone would not come on. I thought for a moment, how can this be?

Panic started to set in. The cell phone was charged the night before and should still have plenty of battery power. Why is there no power to the house, and the cell phone is dead? I began talking to myself out loud while I rushed through the house, looking for a way to find some news. The laptop computer would not power on, nothing is working. I remembered a friend had given me a small emergency radio with a hand crank that I used to take with me on fishing trips to monitor the weather. I continued to fumble through dark closets and cabinets and located the radio. I spun the crank frantically, hoping it would at least power on and provide some sort of explanation for the disruption of my modern comforts.

The radio lit up and channel after channel produced nothing but static. But then, a faint message could be heard. There was still a lot of static but I could make out some of the words. "Everyone... dead! One week to... Need.... go North! Please!".

The radio shut down, and I cranked the spindle again trying to get the radio to come back on. It was no use. The transmission was gone, and no matter how many channels I tried, nothing but static was coming through. Frustrated, and scared, I hung my head, not knowing what else to do. I kept playing the words over and over again in my head. Why is everyone dead? Where was the voice on the radio trasnmitting from? One week for what? Go North, how far North? I could not make sense of any of it, except the fact that someplace, people were dying and the only potential salvation was in a Northerly direction. Maybe I only had a week to live, or maybe this will all be over in a week. My mind continued to race. I sat the radio down near a candle I had lit. I thought to myself, I needed to try to better my current situation before worrying about what I heard on the radio.

I quickly dressed in warm clothing, and went outside to start the car. Knowing that my home is somewhat isolated, maybe my neighbors down the road would have more news. I trudged out into the driveway and quickly wiped the snow off of the driver side door with my arm. The car sputtered and whined, but would not start. I kept trying but after cursing and continuously cranking the key, the car was dead. I went back in the house. The house seemed to be getting colder. I thought how I put off installing a wood burning stove, and now I wished I had made that a priority. I tried to think of any other way to warm the house without electricity. I went back outside to look for an old camp stove I had in the shed. Once I was on the porch, I stopped for a moment. I tried to slow my breathing and listened beyond the falling snow. There was no noise. No airplane noise, no distant highway noise, nothing but the sound of snow falling and my heart beating. The realization instantly covered me with a chill, colder than the weather I was experiencing. Something very big, very serious, is happening. If I can not find a way to survive, I would be in real trouble in the coming days.

I always wondered if I would experience a One True Love. As a younger man, I believed I found my One True Love, only to be hit in the face with the reality that I had not found it. Many years have passed and I now believe that True Love, may not exist for me, however I feel fortunate to have experienced Real Love.

It is strange how life's twists and turns take us from what we thought our lives would be to what they really are. Careers, failed relationships, and the loss of friends, continuoulsy push us into different directions. For me, I long for someone I can not have. My life's turns have put me in a place that seems almost impossible to get out of. How can I break the trust of the people that rely on me so that I may have a shot at the happiness I have longed for? Why can't I just be happy with what I have and who I am with?

I have always believed, things happen for a reason, although we may not know what those reasons are and may never know. I have a special someone in my life. Someone that I think of constantly. We have daily conversations but rarely see each other. It is nice to know there is someone that misses me, and someone that is genuinely happy when they hear my voice, or read my words. We both have seperate lives and commitments but there is an understanding and a longing for each other. Somehow, I am able to go to work, go home, keep my responsibilities, but in my heart, and in my mind, I am with the one person that melts me with a smile. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can smell her hair and feel her against me. I think the longing, pain, happiness, and comfort, is what Real Love is supposed to feel like. With that love, there is a different love I have for those I take care of. Even though I can not be with the one that is in my heart, I am still experiencing love. I guess that all lends to the quagmire of what Love really is.

Every morning begins the same way. The alarm clock sounds the horid alert that it is time to stop trying to sleep, and prepare for the day. A deep sigh, and slow struggle to sit up and get out of bed. How did I get here? How did pain and dread find their way into me and take hold of my days, my nights, my entire being? The morning used to be a happy time, a rejuvination. I can hear the kids getting ready for the day. Their laugh and giggling as they take a minute to play with the dog momentarily brings enough happiness for me to realize things aren't so bad. The morning routines continue on, and as I drive to work, I wonder when I will finally find what I have been looking for. I have a family, good job, reliable vehicles, a warm home to share with my wife and children, why is that not enough?

The phone rings and I elevate my voice to a joyful and interested tone to greet the person on the other end. Someone walks into my office bringing me another problem to solve and I greet them with a smile and a sincere posture to assure them they have my full attention and I am serious about addressing their concerns. I do my job, but the entire time I am at work, all I can think about is how I can get out of here. What excuse can I come up with to justify leaving early? If I did leave early, what would I do? What relief could I possibly conjure up before it is time to pick up kids from school, shuttle them to practices, make dinner, and then go to bed hoping restfull sleep will find me? No, I will stay here, and sit up straight, smile, inject as much joy into my voice as possible so as to not attract any attention or solicit any curiosity that something isn't right. Tomorrow is a new day and a new hope that everything will be alright.

Our marriage was ending. The separation plans were under way and all that was left was to finish out the last few weeks at work before moving out of state. I sat in my cubicle at work, and looked at the clock. The Elvis Presely clock hangin on the divider showed 9:40 p.m. as the legs of the clock swung back and forth. Two hours to go before I can go home. Home, now that is a funny way to refer to the place where I really don't want to go to. Just then the phone rang. "Hello?", I answered.

The soft but direct voice on the other end said, "Well hello there, why are you still at work and not here at my house?" and then toyishly giggled as if I wouldn't know who it was. I recognized the voice, and the giggle. My coworker Deb who earlier in the evening asked about my moving plans. I was somewhat suprised by the call, but Deb and I always engaged in playful chat so it was not too strange for her to call and tease me. I found myself somewhat excited that she would call me so late, knowing everyone else had left for the night. Deb got straight to the point. "I know you are leaving soon, and I have always wanted to make a move so, here it goes. Leave your desk right now and come to my house. The side door in the garage will be unlocked. Just come in and find me." she said.

She gave me her address and then hung up the phone. I sat for a moment, thinking about the reprocussions of indulging in what appeared to be a no-strings attached arrangement. Even though I had no obligation, I called home and told my soon to be ex-wife, that I would be working even later to finish up some things, and to not be alarmed if I don't get home before she left in the early morning. I hung up the phone, grabbed my coat, and headed out. Driving to Deb's house, I couldn't help but think how the night would go. She was a little older than me, and was divorced in the past. I was not inexperienced, but had not been with an ascertive woman before. I arrived at her house and parked on the street. The house looked dark, and I felt like a burlgar, sneaking up to the side of the house and entering the side door, into a dark garage. I noticed a soft glow coming from the doorway which led from the garage into the kitchen. I walked in and there was a small candle burning on the stove. No other lights on anywhere but once my eyes adjusted, I stepped into the livingroom and could see down the hallway into a bedroom. There were candles lit on a table inside the bedroom at the end of the hall. I walked down the hall softly, strangely feeling like I needed to be quiet, even though I knew she and I were alone in the home. I reached the bedroom and stepped inside. There was Deb, laying on the bed wearing a very sexy, black lace night gown. She flashed a bright smile and sat up. Her long dark hair softly laying on her shoulders slipped off as she gently cocked her head and said, "I am glad you made it."

I was immediately turned on, just looking at her. She was a very attractive woman and after seeing her day in and day out in business atire, seeing her this way was extraordinary! I wasted no time. I walked to the edge of the bed, leaned in and kissed her. She too did not hesitate. With the first kiss, she quickly unbuckled my belt and began to undress me. My slacks, dress shirt, and tie came off a lot faster then it normally takes to put them on. I crawled into the bed next to her. Her body was so warm, and although I tried take off her nightgown, she stopped me. "Not yet" she said.

"I want to take care of you tonight. Just relax." Deb whispered to me as she softly pushed me off of her and then climbed on top of me.

She kissed my neck, my chest, and worked her way down and softly, gently began to pleasure me with her warm, soft mouth. Just as I was about to lose it, she stopped and slowly made her way back up to me. Before I could say or anticipate anything, she shifted her hips and I slid deep inside of her. She was so amazing. Every touch, every kiss, every movement was so sincere and true like we had been lovers for years and knew what each other needed from one another. For that night, I felt connected to someone, the sort of connection we all long for but rarely experience. We enjoyed each other for the next few hours and then, with exhaustion setting in, she rested her head on my chest and said, "Now, when you leave, I want you to always remember me and our time together, but never call me or think you need to come back for me. I want to remember you and this night, and not have it ruined with feelings of obligations."

I agreed to her stipulations. We embraced and kissed one last time, and then I left. Never spoke to or saw her again. I do think of her often and remember how spectacular she was.

The freezing, winter night felt so lonely and yet full of anticipation because I knew I would soon be in her arms and the warmth of her. The drive to her home was not long, but seemed to last longer than it had in the past. Windshield wipers removing the snowflakes seemed to set the pace and the timing of this final journey. A journey I had become so comfortable with, and had traveled many times. This time, was different. I knew, after this night, everything would be different. I pulled onto her street which by this time of night, was mostly dark. Only a few lights could be seen on porches and even fewer in windows. I parked in front of the house as I had done many times. This time however, even though I was so eager to go inside, so excited to see her, I knew I needed to savor this night.

Walking up the driveway, snow gently collected on my coat. I stopped and looked up to the sky and then closed my eyes. The small flakes of cold, purity, stung my warm skin and blended with the tears that found their way onto my cheeks. I wiped my face and approached the door. Just as I imagined, she was waiting in anticipation, and invited me in. Her arms and firm body warmed me more than any fire could have on this cold night. The realization of final moments together slipped away and we were immediately the same friends, and lovers we had been for the past years. Gone were the responsibilities, the circumstances, all that remained was she and I, sharing time. With the night nearly gone, the realization of returning to the life that required so much of me flowed back into my mind like an ocean tide reaching across the sand. One last kiss, one final embrace. Before driving away, I again looked to the sky and allowed the snow to mix with the tears on my face. This was goodbye, even though we did not say the words to one another.

Hard fallen footsteps beat the ground just ahead. I swallow hard, acid and saliva building in my throat as I force my body to push harder, running faster. Low hanging tree limbs and forest overgrowth slap me in the face as if to punish me for even considering entering their woods. I know I am close! I can smell his sweat on the leaves of the brush as I smash through. I must run harder! I can feel the muscles in my legs stretch to their limits with every leap across fallen logs, and every careful but swift step on the uneven ground. Why can't I see him yet?

I am straining to listen for his footsteps through the deafening beat of my own heart trying to jump out of my chest, and my lungs yearning for more air, be it hot and dry. Sweat and blinding streaks of sunlight blur my vision as I peer through the woven entanglement of forest growth. I see him! Yes! I am so close! I burst out of the forest once and for all, and finally on open ground. I can catch him! I know I can! A deep breath and quick feet, I am breaking away from the tree line and gaining ground. Wait! No! No! No! Darkness is swallowing the ground ahead of me. I can no longer see him! I can't go back. I must keep going. Darkness is all around now. My running is done.