Dumbass In The Woods

It was supposed to be a simple overnight in the woods hike in, collect everything, make camp, wake up then hike out, simple right. Except the problem was Joe the guy who was supposed to do it broke his leg. There wasn’t enough time to find a replacement who could handle the science and also was an experienced camper. Joe’s the only one on our team who had ever even spent a night outside. I’m fairly fit so even though I’d never done this I was confident I could at least last a single night. I volunteered, packed my bag and set forth.

I always considered myself intelligent but I have discovered I am actually pretty stupid. First problem was my backpack, I usually only carry it from my car to class. Only after wearing it for longer than an hour did I realize how uncomfortable the damn thing is. It was all downhill from there. My phone broke, and with it went my map, compass and GPS, luckily it happened after I’d reached my destination. Next was setting up camp, it took me an hour just to put up the tent and by then it had gotten cold. It was summer so I hadn’t expected that but I had brought a lighter and proceeded to try and make a fire. Try is the main word, it wasn’t until the bic ran dry that I remembered you’re supposed to use dry wood. Feeling pretty dumb I curled up in my tent, my cotton clothes drenched with sweat from earlier and seemed to only make me colder. I knew about the dangers of cotton, but I’d thought that was only about winter camping. Eventually I fell asleep.

The next day was more of the same misery and idiocy, I figured I could follow the trail back. It was only after I lost sight of the campground that I realized there was no trail, I’d gotten there with the GPS. I used the sun to find the rough direction I needed to go but if I missed the road or parking lot I might never be found in this expanse of trees. Soon however it was down to low to see through the canopy and I was certain I’d run out of daylight before I reached the safety of my vehicle. That’s when I’d had it I sat down on a stump and screamed into the trees. “I hope you appreciate this, I am going to die trying to help conserve this forest.” The breeze ruffled the trees around me but not the ones above, strange but I’m sure a meteorology major could explain it to me. Then I saw it in the distance a light I swear wasn’t there before. I didn’t care, the light was to big to be a firefly so it had to be manmade, and humans meant I was saved.

I chased that light for hours well into the night. I swear it never seemed to get closer but by this point I was desperate and it was my only lifeline. Then suddenly the light was gone. I fell to the ground in despair and to my surprise felt asphalt beneath my hands. My eyes adjusted and there before me waiting was my car. I cried out “I’m saved! Thank you, thank you so much!” Then right in front of me the light flicked back and a tiny voice said “You’re welcome, keep up the good work” then faded away. I crawled exhausted into my car and decided to sleep rather than attempting to drive. I try to push the experience out of my mind, chalk it up as a mirage or hallucination but I don’t know how that would explain finding my way back. I don’t believe in fairies but luckily it seems they believe in me.