Why is my mind so fragile?

I’m sad again, depressed as fuck and I feel it.

Every time I run away it follows me.

There is no escaping it and the worst part is being so beautiful and having people expect you to be happy just because you’re pretty.

I think I just need something to look forward too. When I get like this I still try and smile at people because if I don’t, they might feel sad too.

I don’t want to infect anyone with this disease that doesn’t’ go away.

I’m dying right now and I feel it so deeply. There’s also this incessant feeling that I’m alone and not doing enough with my life and potential. That part drowns me. It’s weird knowing that you are exactly who and where you’re supposed to be but at the same time completely lost and alone and wanting to hope for the future but not knowing what to expect from it. But then realizing you create all of it and needing to pull yourself out of this funk to keep going because your purpose is greater than you.

Why do I always find myself wearing this mask?

Being in the world is so fucking depressing to me. It’s like my passion has bled out of me.

I could be bipolar but I’m also a creative being and I crave to express myself in words, clothing, love making. There is so much life and divinity inside me begging to be heard, seen and felt.

My spirit doesn’t fit in my body and when I try to pretend that I’m not meant to be great, I find myself eating and drinking. Sleeping and escaping into my mind, into the past. I want to crawl back to who I used to be because it’s so comfortable to me and I don’t know this person is that I’m becoming and I already have trust issues.

But I can’t go back to her. She’s dead now and there’s really no point in missing her when the future is so much brighter. I mourn her and all the Souls tied to hers.

Here I am in purgatory once again not being able to go backwards and walking through the dark towards an idea of what could be.

The next step is freeing her. It’s like she’s at the bottom of the ocean chained to the sea floor. Her screams go unheard but soon the world will hear her voice once again.

If I don’t break her out soon she will drown but that is not an option.

So, I must be the brave one, even upon realizing that finally freeing her will be the end of me. I have to die in order for her to live.

But my time is up now and it’s her turn.