the thing about emotional pain
The thing about emotional pain
is its power, something much more than two simple words
Emotional pain doesn’t have to leave physical scars but its hurt does remain,
the bone-crushing weight of your whole world,
everything around you spins, messing with your head,
everything you’ve ever felt comes back and gnaws away at you
everything bad anyone’s ever done to you or said,
leaving you broken and lost, confused by what’s left to do.
The thing about emotional pain,
is its lack of a cure.
You fall down on your knees over and over again,
whether or not you'll ever be able to get back up, you're not sure.
It's almost guaranteed to bring a never-ending battle that you feel you'll never win,
fighting voices in your own head that remind you you'll never be enough,
leaving you raw and empty without painkillers after slandering you for your sin,
leaving you hopeless, consumed by the painful knowledge that things are pretty rough.
The thing about emotional pain,
is its build-up to physical hurt.
After endless nightmares plaguing you time and time again,
after never-ending lonely nights that leave you lost in a state of discomfort,
things about you have changed, things you can’t quite explain.
You can no longer find the will to stand up, handicapped or not,
your heart is shattered, your enthusiasm battered, feeling like a trainwreck,
your mental health on the rocks, your energy all drained after years of battles fought,
so tired of fighting day and night, don’t know how you’ll ever get back.
The thing about emotional pain,
is its detrimental, destructive effect,
when the same toxic thoughts haunt you over and over again.
Every time it hits you hard, you know for sure, your life, it will affect.
The whirlwind of emotions that overwhelm you in a second,
from fiery, vicious rage to bottled up sadness,
you cling onto your last slivers of hope as though eternity beckon,
leaving you nothing more than a crying mess.
The thing about emotional pain,
is its inability to be disregarded.
You can't shut it out of your mind, it will remain,
you can't seem to ignore it when you've been bombarded.
A floodgate of memories unleashed, triggered by a single hate-filled thought,
pain-filled, intense, overwhelming, everything coming for your fragile mind in a flash,
unprepared to face the troubles and anxieties a simple thought had brought,
as in vain hope to escape from your own head, you break out in a mad, insane dash.
The thing about emotional pain,
is the numbing sensation it causes when it's beaten you, its favourite way to gloat.
It leaves you with your head spinning from the negative thoughts you can no longer restrain,
your stomach churning and that nauseating feeling welling up in your throat,
as you lie on the bathroom floor and prepare yourself for another painful night.
You take a deep breath even as it hurts to breathe, wishing all the pain away,
clutching your stomach and burying your face in your knees, for it takes all your might,
not to grab that bottle of pills or the shiny blade resting on the counter and take your own life that very day.
The thing about emotional pain,
is its strength over you.
How it's powerful to the extent it can take over your brain,
showering you with insults that gnaws away at you, even when it's not true.
The harsh taunts and cruel sneers sting your skin like acid rain,
the vicious remarks and nasty rumours pulling you in, never letting you out,
the nightmares that swirl around your mind where every look is that of disdain,
leaving you scarred, afraid and confused, till even who are you, you doubt.
The thing about emotional pain,
is its undeniable existence.
It never seems to truly leave you, always lurking in the dark before it strikes again,
overwhelming you when you're unable to defend yourself against its persistence.
When it hammers you with doubtful thoughts that never fade,
when even the voices in your head start to scream things derogatory,
till, even by your own thoughts and mind, you've been betrayed,
till you crouch down in a ball on the cold floor and yell out, why me?
The thing about emotional pain,
is its power to declare an internal battle it forces you to fight.
You find yourself facing off with your own thoughts again,
despite the fact that you fought the last battle with all your might.
It twists your mind, forcing you to fight against your own head,
as dark thoughts enter, forcing the carefree ones to leave,
as you plot your own downfall, sitting teary-eyed on your bed,
because now, only the thought of your own life ending can bring you peace.
The thing about emotional pain,
is its strength so powerful, you fight losing battles against yourself
as you take a deep breath to fight the demons in your head yet again,
to battle the negative thoughts swirling around your own mind itself.
It eats away at the happiness, the light left within you,
until gone is the happiness, left behind in its place is darkness.
This darkness...slowly takes over you.
This darkness...slowly destroys you.
This darkness...slowly defines you.
This darkness...slowly becomes you.
- b ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡