My Demons

If you knew the darkness in my soul,

You’d edge back, away from the hole.

It creeps and crawls through my veins,

To make my die through all the pains.

I can’t control it, it controls me,

It rids me of joy inexplicably.

It senses a smile, no matter how fake,

And makes me recount my every mistake.

Though you’re my friend, it sees you as foe,

It distorts my mind more than you know.

The meds I’m on are unable to aid,

In this twisted game of which I’m afraid.

Therapy helps for only a flash,

Then it’s right back to feelings that clash.

My emotional blood now all over the floor,

Makes me think I won’t be scared anymore.

But just as I was saying my last word,

I was found, my prayer was unheard.

Tears and exclamations from you came,

If only you knew who was really to blame.

I am not the same as I once have been,

My actions, yes, were of a great sin.

Don’t look at my scars as if they are mine,

For they are the monster’s first outwardly sign.

I’ll be tortured endlessly for decades to come,

Since you threw out my knife; that was dumb.

Don’t get too close or you’ll fall into the dark,

It’s just waiting for you to be its next mark.

Don’t blame me until you’ve been where I’m at,

Don’t expect a seat where I’ve sat.

You’re not the only I want by my side,

You’re too judgmental, too filled with pride.

Tomorrow I’ll write a note when you leave,

To help explain why I had to deceive.

You’ll cry and thrash about on the floor,

But be careful, my dear, it’s hungry for more.

Nothing you do will brighten my soul,

It’s eating me up, eating me up whole.