Sorry I cost you more than I'm worth,

With every doctor and hospital visit,

Since my unfortunate birth.

Sorry I'm an embarrassment to you,

Leaving me at home with strangers, no

While you go out with things to do.

Sorry you don't understand when I speak,

It's just as frustrating for me,

When your expressions are bleak.

Sorry I'm not the child you desire,

I won't ever be what you want,

My soul was sold to the wrong buyer.

Sorry I didn't excel in your eyes,

Never winning first place,

Or receiving a prize.

Sorry my grades weren't up to par,

Effectively marring your good name,

Like trapping butterflies in a jar.

Sorry I didn't make the football team,

I barely made it all the way through tryouts,

Not football material, the coach did deem.

Sorry I didn't attend the high society dance,

I just didn't feel like putting myself out there,

To be yet again rejected by every first glance.

Sorry for the denial letter from Yale,

I never really wanted to go there anyway,

Despite it being expected of a Jewish male.

Sorry my updates were always inferior,

I'm not like my siblings,

Their worlds far more surperior.

Sorry I never met the girl of my dreams,

Or gave you a grandchild,

You're still disappointed it seems.

Sorry my resume looked nothing like yours,

Mine was of more value though,

As I now sit behind those judicial doors.

Sorry there's no other judge in this small town,

You seemed surprised to see me,

To judge, it's my very favorite noun.

Sorry you decided to turn your back,

Especially when I needed you the most,

But confidence I no longer lack.

Sorry one of your victims turned you two in,

Yes, pray to that God of yours,

Beg forgiveness for you sin.

Sorry the jury believes the plaintiff,

Now it's up to me to decide your fate,

I'll be back in a jiff.

Sorry my decision came back so soon,

Two life sentences,

Beginning on this day in June.

Sorry the bailiffs handled you as they did,

I guess they don't have any patience,

For those who abuse a kid.

Sorry your cellmates are filled with such rage,

I'd sleep with your eyes open,

Or you'll die in that cage.

Sorry you've lost your place as a socialite,

Your facade as a caring human being is over,

Your evilness is responsible for this plight.

People in power,

Only concerned for themselves,

Looking to sway voters,

In their favor,

To their advantage,

In every way,

Causing others to suffer,

In their wake,

Allowing injustice,

Never counting those,

Small and insignificant,

Sufficiently denying,

Underlying issues,

Changes that are needed,

Kicking us when we're already down.

Everyone called her something different, but no one knew her actual name.

Everyone complained about the way she smelled, but no one knew she was only allowed one bath a week.

Everyone laughed at her stained and ill-fitting clothes, but no one knew they hand-me-downs from her older brother.

Everyone commented about her failing grades, but no one knew she was forbidden to take her ADD medication.

Everyone sneered when she would only answer yes/no questions by nodding/shaking her head; no one knew her jaw had been wired shut.

Everyone rolled their eyes when she wore long sleeve shirts in the warmer months, no one knew it was to hide her cutting scars.

Everyone labeled her as psychotic, but no one knew who made her that way.

Everyone learned that she was pregnant, but no one knew whose baby it was.

Everyone heard she was in a car accident and died, but no one knew it had been intentional.

Everyone asked their teachers, guidance counselor, and principal, but no one knew her actual name.

If you knew the darkness in my soul,

You’d edge back, away from the hole.

It creeps and crawls through my veins,

To make my die through all the pains.

I can’t control it, it controls me,

It rids me of joy inexplicably.

It senses a smile, no matter how fake,

And makes me recount my every mistake.

Though you’re my friend, it sees you as foe,

It distorts my mind more than you know.

The meds I’m on are unable to aid,

In this twisted game of which I’m afraid.

Therapy helps for only a flash,

Then it’s right back to feelings that clash.

My emotional blood now all over the floor,

Makes me think I won’t be scared anymore.

But just as I was saying my last word,

I was found, my prayer was unheard.

Tears and exclamations from you came,

If only you knew who was really to blame.

I am not the same as I once have been,

My actions, yes, were of a great sin.

Don’t look at my scars as if they are mine,

For they are the monster’s first outwardly sign.

I’ll be tortured endlessly for decades to come,

Since you threw out my knife; that was dumb.

Don’t get too close or you’ll fall into the dark,

It’s just waiting for you to be its next mark.

Don’t blame me until you’ve been where I’m at,

Don’t expect a seat where I’ve sat.

You’re not the only I want by my side,

You’re too judgmental, too filled with pride.

Tomorrow I’ll write a note when you leave,

To help explain why I had to deceive.

You’ll cry and thrash about on the floor,

But be careful, my dear, it’s hungry for more.

Nothing you do will brighten my soul,

It’s eating me up, eating me up whole.

Skipping stones across the water,

Watching the rippling effect,

Is calming to more than just me,

I'd suspect.

A couple of university grads walk by,

Discussing a hike through the forest,

He wants to get right on the trail,

But she still has to meet the florist.

They're here for their wedding,

Excited as all can be,

Enjoying the peaceful atmosphere,

Soaking in the serenity.

The ceremony takes place the next day,

Out down by the old lake,

I watched as I grabbed a few stones,

Wondering how big of ripples I could make.

The crowd applauded and cheered,

And blew bubbles as the newlyweds passed,

They seemed like a wonderful couple,

I really hope they last.

That was the only noise of the day,

At my favorite lakeside seat,

I enjoy hiking my daily mile,

Except for in the summer heat.

But my solitary existence,

Is what I much prefer,

Mother Nature is a beauty,

I enjoy my time with Her.

My Personal Vows

I vow to continuously grow, shedding my old negative self along the way.

I vow to never look back on yesterday, as today is more important.

I vow to always remember who I was before my heart and soul were corrupted by evil.

I vow to stand my ground, everyone else can go around me if they want to pass by.

I vow to keep my feet on the ground; flying high is only effective if you're a pilot.

I vow to forgive those who have wronged me; anger/resentment only give them undeserved power.

I vow to never stop learning; even experts are still students.

I vow to never let anyone steal my worth ever again; I'm invaluable!

Anxiety and depression are like siblings,

Both demanding the most out of you,

Consequently draining all your energy,

Determined to destroy your happiness,

Eating away at your soul,

Forcing you to fake a smile,

Generating horrific messages and ideas,

Hiding the real you from the world,

Invisible demons you can't explain,

Jarring your confidence and self-worth,

Killing you from the inside out,

Leaving you to suffer nonstop,

Medicine does not stop them,

Nothing you can take will end them,

Odd behaviors raise concerns,

Personal hygiene comes into question,

Quitting work because you just can't,

Reaching out to someone, yeah right,

Stopping the pain is laughable,

Tired even after a good night's sleep,

Unable to really care about anything,

Various chores go undone,

Worrying about what's next,

X-rays cannot detect what's killing you,

You can no longer say what's happening,

Zombified is your new look,

Suicide becomes the only pain reliever for many.