I Successfully Butchered Ten Stories

Goldilocks and the Three Bears

Some random girl breaks into the house of some really hairy people, eats all their food, and sleeps around.

Hansel and Gretel

Some children get lost, and decide to eat some ladies house. When the lady gets mad, they push her into an oven.

Cinderella

A servant cons a prince into agreeing to marry her, but it doesn't matter, because he forgets what she looks like.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

A prince finds a corpse in the woods, and discovers a fondness for necrophilia.

Jack and the Beanstalk

Some kid grows a really big green stick. He climbs it and finds a bird.

Rapunzel

A witch kidnaps a baby because the mother likes spices. There also a guy who gets blinded by some thorns.

Frozen

A socially challenged girl with bad taste in men drives her sister to become a hermit in the mountains.

Harry Potter

There's magic, people who eat death, and one of the character's names is a cuss word. There are too many gingers.

Brave

A ginger shoots stuff and rips her dress. She poisons her entire family, except her father.

Aladdin

A tiger-owning princess, who wears very little clothing sits on a rug with a nippleless thief.