Ambitions.

I feel like I’m climbing down a really tall ladder and it doesn’t end. The further down I go, the more I realised I’m withering away but I can’t stop myself. I can settle for nothing now. It just won’t stop. The feeling of wanting but not being able to ask, of crying but no one hearing you, of jumping but never landing, only falling deeper down and of breathing but not wanting to. I’m alive but I don’t feel it thriving amongst my bones or oozing out my skin. I only feel an ache buried somewhere beneath the surface of my skin. I want to switch places. Can I feel like you do for at least a day. I’m running away from the feeling of nothing to pouncing from happy to sad to happy to sad, they don’t want me anymore. I’ve lost to my feelings, I can’t lose to my feelings. I want to feel like I’m breathing without having to struggle for air, without having to struggle for reasons to want to, without having to struggle for you to tell me it’ll be okay.