To my best friend.

Thank you for letting me go. I’m sorry I couldn’t thank you personally. I’m so sorry you had to deal with me.

I’m not worth the heartbreak, the pain, the emotional baggage.

Trust me.

Let me go and

Move on, okay?

I’m a lost cause, dead to the ones I love, betrayed by the one that was my forever, haunted by ghosts of the past.

But you’re different.

You have a chance. Save yourself.

By the time you read this, I will be in a wonderland, a place without pain or sorrow.

The jump is 50 stories high, enough for flashback, don’t you think?

I will miss you. So much.

Maybe... you will think of me too? With happy memories?

Please. Forgive me.

When my funeral is held, tell them.

Tell them that I wanted to be free, I needed to leave the world behind.

Tell them about my life and how I was the one person who could make this world a bit more chaotic.

Tell them that my favourite flowers were orchids, how I would have loved to spend the rest of my life being my crazy self, how my life comprised of me being a fool to try and light up the world.

Ask them to burn my body and scatter the ashes into the ocean.

That’s where I belong, anyway.

Please don’t cry. I cannot bear to see you cry.

I’ve always had a fascination with falling. You know this, don’t you?

I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you, that broke you.

Thank you for trying to be there, for making an effort.

I’m sorry that I can’t tell you that I love you more than I should have.

Unrequited love, we could call it.

But it’s okay. You gave me more happiness than I deserved. What we had was enough.

Maybe I left too soon. but you know, I was always on the ride of excitement.

You were, and will always be my shining star in the dark.

You were trusting to me, and kind, and endlessly forgiving.

I’m sorry I broke your trust. I hate that I had promsied to always be there, to never just die but I’m barely hanging on, love. I’m barely hanging on.

Please don’t hate me. Please. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

You will live a better life,in a society that doesn’t demand you to be cold and harsh.

I only ever wished for that, but I was too selfish, too stubborn to let you go. I promise everything will be easier, will be better now.

What I can tell you is:

My last thought will be that

You’re beautiful.

Promise.