Goodbye Kobe, Gigi, and friends.

Saddest thing for all is.... a mistake brought your lives to an end.

Gigi had no chance to grow, and show the world that she was blessed.

When she shot the ball with force and fun from her chest.

No visual coaching from our legend, her dad.

No using the talent he gave you, and showing him what you had.

A fatal trip that silenced the entire world.

Goodbye to you Kobe, Our Legend, and his friends and baby girl.

You keep running

through my mind.

Even in daydreams,

I rehearse.

Please be kind to me.

Rewind.

Our last words,

each line, I verse.

So,

I pour you

on the page;

black and blue.

Goodbye.

I’m done.

Tears spill

and all’s a haze.

Even in ink

y s t r

o t o u

u a n.

r

t

I’ve been stalling on this, because I knew you’d miss me.

You don’t understand.

The world kept piling more on me.

Something had to break.

It just happened to be me.

I want you to be happy.

So of course I wanted to take myself out of the equation.

I would have told you earlier, but I knew you would talk me out of it.

I want to you move on for me.

Live a good life.

One without me.

Goodbye.

Canım benim, sevgilim, askım, bir tanem,

If you are reading this, it means I finally have the answers to all the existential questions we once pondered… It also means you no longer need to keep my feet warm at night. I suspect that might be the hardest to bear right now. I love how you wrap yourself around me at night. I am crying as I write this, feeling the loss though it is still the future right now. But it will happen. Has happened if you are holding this letter in your hands. I’m sorry the ink smeared. I was going to start over, but then I thought I’d leave the memory of the tears I shed, so that you will know how deeply you are loved. How I feel the ache and share it with you. Now.

I may be gone, but my love for you lives on with you, in your heart, in the memories, yes, but more importantly, in the family and friends that surround you. The many that bore witness to the love-filled life we shared. You may only have the memory of holding me, but it is a good one, yes? Remember the good times, the laughter, the love. Look around at the life we built together, the love we shared with those around us. Look at our beautiful son and the life he has created, the life he loves. Continue to be a part of that life and love it for me. Embrace it! I beg you: Do not let grief control you. Do not push the world away. Do not bury yourself in the past. I am not there. Life is not there. Live, my love. Live.

Seni çok seviyorum,

Canın senin

Hey X, it’s me.

I don’t really know what to call this. If I actually end up sending it, I guess you’d call it a suicide note. As of right now, I’m calling it a friendship letter. An ironic juxtaposition, isn’t it?

You’re my best friend, X, but I’m scared to tell you, and thus I never have. I don’t want to tell you because I don’t want to have to look at your face when you lie and say that I’m yours as well. I know that I’m not your best friend, but that’s okay. I’m happy simply being your friend, and I’m happy that we get to hang out so often. I’m happy I found a person who likes me for who I am, who is so similar to me and enjoys my company. You’re always there, you know? I can always rely on you to want to be around me, and I can always depend on your support or witty comments to cheer me up. Time and time again I have been in a bad mood and have texted you looking for a distraction, and time and time again you have pulled me from a depressed slump simply by talking to me. It’s like a superpower, it really is, and it makes me all the more grateful I have you in my life.

There is so much I want to say but I don’t know how to say it. I admire you deeply, for being so strong and so intelligent and so put-together even though you insist that you aren’t. You are the best of us, and— god, you just mean that much to me, you know? You are the one constant in my life, and despite the fact that I feel like I’m drowning little by little, but you are always there for me. Not out of obligation, but because you are genuinely my friend. And while I’m putting it all out there, I might as well let you know that I think of you as my family. I love you so much, and despite the problems I have you make my life a little brighter every day.

There are so many memories I have with you that keep me grounded, that make me smile when I am stewing in a depressed fog. Our trips to Barnes and Noble are memories that I cherish, specifically when we sit in the manga section for hours simply talking, or when we sit at a table in the café and draw. Watching TV shows together are fond memories as well, and fonder still are the simple memories, the ones that may seem small but mean the world to me. Laying on your carpet and talking about everything that comes to mind. You narrating video games to me, not seeming to mind that I’m forcing you to talk for hours on end. Our tradition of pizza trips, which make me so happy to think about. They mean a lot to me, and I hope they hold the same weight for you.

As I’ve mentioned, I’ve been struggling lately to pull myself out of a slump. It gets harder and harder, and though I recognize my self-destructive habits, I can’t stop myself. I started cutting again. I stopped taking my medication. I stopped scheduling therapy appointments. I don’t know what I’m going to do next, and I’m scared I will do something I’ll regret. I’ve been thinking about death a lot, X, and yeah, that's why I'm writing this.

I don’t know when I’ll get that bad again, only that it will happen, soon, I think, so I want to write this now to let you know how much I care about you, and how much I am going to miss you when I’m gone. I care about you so much, and I am so proud to have a friend as talented and warm as you. You are going to do incredible things when you get older, and whether I am alive or not just know that even now, I am infinitely proud of you.

Please don’t forget about me. Goodbye. I love you.

Thank you for letting me go. I’m sorry I couldn’t thank you personally. I’m so sorry you had to deal with me.

I’m not worth the heartbreak, the pain, the emotional baggage.

Trust me.

Let me go and

Move on, okay?

I’m a lost cause, dead to the ones I love, betrayed by the one that was my forever, haunted by ghosts of the past.

But you’re different.

You have a chance. Save yourself.

By the time you read this, I will be in a wonderland, a place without pain or sorrow.

The jump is 50 stories high, enough for flashback, don’t you think?

I will miss you. So much.

Maybe... you will think of me too? With happy memories?

Please. Forgive me.

When my funeral is held, tell them.

Tell them that I wanted to be free, I needed to leave the world behind.

Tell them about my life and how I was the one person who could make this world a bit more chaotic.

Tell them that my favourite flowers were orchids, how I would have loved to spend the rest of my life being my crazy self, how my life comprised of me being a fool to try and light up the world.

Ask them to burn my body and scatter the ashes into the ocean.

That’s where I belong, anyway.

Please don’t cry. I cannot bear to see you cry.

I’ve always had a fascination with falling. You know this, don’t you?

I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you, that broke you.

Thank you for trying to be there, for making an effort.

I’m sorry that I can’t tell you that I love you more than I should have.

Unrequited love, we could call it.

But it’s okay. You gave me more happiness than I deserved. What we had was enough.

Maybe I left too soon. but you know, I was always on the ride of excitement.

You were, and will always be my shining star in the dark.

You were trusting to me, and kind, and endlessly forgiving.

I’m sorry I broke your trust. I hate that I had promsied to always be there, to never just die but I’m barely hanging on, love. I’m barely hanging on.

Please don’t hate me. Please. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

You will live a better life,in a society that doesn’t demand you to be cold and harsh.

I only ever wished for that, but I was too selfish, too stubborn to let you go. I promise everything will be easier, will be better now.

What I can tell you is:

My last thought will be that

You’re beautiful.

Promise.

Goodbye old self

You received much hatred

Much mistreatment

You weren't a popular character

Not a strong person

I have yet to let go of the past

So this is finally goodbye

Once, I will move far, far away

To be unknown in an unknown place

The people who knew me once

Dont know me now

I hate that some people know me

In an incorrect way

Goodbye you all

I know who you are

The length, vibration, and solidity of our friendship is unmatched.

There is so much that I wish I would have said before the last time.

I didn’t know our final days would be spent out of spite.

A miscommunication lengthened by our unwillingness to submit.

You didn’t want to hear me.

I was incapable of understanding you,

And you, aware of my past, had no desire to burden me.

This was one of the things you believed and DID make you a good friend. There is, undeniably, so much left unsaid yet I am eager to overcome what was open in a spiritual manner. This way, I may experience you in the present.

In the softest part of my heart, I keep you.

My best friend.

You left too soon.

You are missed.

Every.

Single.

Day.

May you Rest In Peace.

And, may God allow you to visit me in my dreams.

With all of my undying love,

Aquarius

Good bye

I'm sorry

I can't do this anymore

I love you

But I have to go

Good bye my love

Promise me that you'll forget

About me

Don't miss me

Even though I'll miss you

I can't stay

I love you

Good bye

Good bye forever

Mom, I hope you don’t mind that I let you slip away. I can't help but feel like it may have been against your wishes. I admit I was a little put off when I heard that you asked them to intubate you again. You must have realized that the respirator wasn't going to fix anything. The cascade of events your body experienced over your final week was catastrophic, and I don’t understand why you kept fighting. Your body was shutting down for good. Letting that machine breathe for you was like an old record player stuck at the end of the album with the arm hovering by the label in the center. Spinning and spinning indefinitely until a hand reaches down to lift the needle off the vinyl and perch the arm on its silent resting place. My hand.

For whom were you holding on? In this condition you wouldn't be attending any graduations or weddings. The girls would not have liked seeing you perpetually connected to so many tubes. Now, the old pictures and the memories remind us of the many happy times you gave us. The joy in your eyes whenever you sat with your granddaughters comforts us all. I know you never wanted to be a burden. So I let you go. I told you that everything would be okay as you left. And it still is.

It is not goodbye when you remain so close to my heart. I love you, mom.