wading&waiting.

lately my mood has been fluctuating like crazy.

I've gone from extremely low and helpless.

to optimistic about even my worst shortcomings.

yeah, love has been on my mind A LOT, weighing heavy like my veins flow with wet cement.

sometimes I feel as tho maybe it's me who is unlovable,

perhaps I come off a little too strong.

it is then I consider change, maybe I should care a little less...

not try as hard...

grow a little colder...

or hell, even maybe not appearing as available could help...

yet as soon as I go to make the changes I realize that my edginess towards love is just who I am...

if I file down my rough, sharp edges too much I may lose my edge completely.

and that isn't part of the plan.

I want to drown in the mind and soul of who I'm in love with.

and when I say drown, I mean it.

I dream to completely surround myself in who they are, fearlessly.

I guess it's not that I attract or fall for the wrong people, maybe they just are scared of the open water.

perhaps they belong on dry land, where it's safe.

I'm hoping one day while I'm out here treading water that someone dares to make the swim out.

if they start to sink into the depths, then I'd share my breath.

if I start to drift with the current, they'll help me find my direction.

storms will arise and waves will try to pull you under as you are out here,

wading and waiting... wading and waiting...

but keep swimming.

I know it may be lonely out here, but at least I'm not burying my heart next to all my excuses in the sand...

this generation is just so scared to love...

most believe in order to be "independent" they have to be alone...

some how "catching feelings" became more dangerous than an STD...

and a night out faded beats a night in building a connection with someone who cares for you and your dreams...

but I know that when their bottles are empty,

when the music turns down and the dance floor clears,

those nights you need someone, alone, overthinking, in your bed,

will all those so called friends and designer drugs be there for you?

maybe... but they will never get you as high as my love can.

so come join me...

the waters lovely out here tonight.