lately my mood has been fluctuating like crazy.

I've gone from extremely low and helpless.

to optimistic about even my worst shortcomings.

yeah, love has been on my mind A LOT, weighing heavy like my veins flow with wet cement.

sometimes I feel as tho maybe it's me who is unlovable,

perhaps I come off a little too strong.

it is then I consider change, maybe I should care a little less...

not try as hard...

grow a little colder...

or hell, even maybe not appearing as available could help...

yet as soon as I go to make the changes I realize that my edginess towards love is just who I am...

if I file down my rough, sharp edges too much I may lose my edge completely.

and that isn't part of the plan.

I want to drown in the mind and soul of who I'm in love with.

and when I say drown, I mean it.

I dream to completely surround myself in who they are, fearlessly.

I guess it's not that I attract or fall for the wrong people, maybe they just are scared of the open water.

perhaps they belong on dry land, where it's safe.

I'm hoping one day while I'm out here treading water that someone dares to make the swim out.

if they start to sink into the depths, then I'd share my breath.

if I start to drift with the current, they'll help me find my direction.

storms will arise and waves will try to pull you under as you are out here,

wading and waiting... wading and waiting...

but keep swimming.

I know it may be lonely out here, but at least I'm not burying my heart next to all my excuses in the sand...

this generation is just so scared to love...

most believe in order to be "independent" they have to be alone...

some how "catching feelings" became more dangerous than an STD...

and a night out faded beats a night in building a connection with someone who cares for you and your dreams...

but I know that when their bottles are empty,

when the music turns down and the dance floor clears,

those nights you need someone, alone, overthinking, in your bed,

will all those so called friends and designer drugs be there for you?

maybe... but they will never get you as high as my love can.

so come join me...

the waters lovely out here tonight.

I try to see the good in life, though at times it only blinds me.

I've been binding up my time, but every line I write unties me.

finally deep inside my mind, I think I'm finding that which guides me.

and defining what's been dying has been trying yet enlightening.

I said I'm sorry alla y'all, I never meant to cause commotion.

steady lost inside these walls, I've been enthralled with lost emotions. crossed to oceans lining coasts when I went ghost I tossed devotion.

and I hope that this evokes the most, or chokes me when I'm hopeless.

I've been looking for the light, but not the type that brightens darkened nights.

'cause lies get hard to fight, despite your plights, enlightened hearts ignite.

a world caught up in scriptures tight, deranged psychotic mixtures typed by angels from a different Reich, your minds the force that forms your life.

I've got a million thoughts a minute, this is it I've crossed the finish.

I'm a winner in a sense, my innocence is interfering,

with my inner sense of fearing what is real or just appealing,

who's is here for me for real, and who appears as real but isn't. 

I am too caught in living to devolve in my life. 

Disolve this sinister within, and then get lost as I write.

Looking for a helping hand, but always figured I missed them. 

Ink inside of this syringe, it's my deliverance system.

____

take a break and open up to find, don't say that you won't have the time.

Afraid of straying off a line, created by your state of mind. 

____

I expand a little more each day, I can't afford to stand and wait. 

I planned and I'll be damned if I'm the kind of man that can't embrace. 

____

You've heard that home is where the heart is, you're alone because you're heartless. 

Casting stones to hit the hardest, you're the farthest thing from smartest.

____

Try to be the best you can, while never judging what others choose.

Shaming humans just for fun, then putting some onto pedestals. 

____

It's a sick cycle, this fight'll, rip vital organs out.

Rip tides and zip ties help disguise when demons shout. 

____

Why is it that, we're bias to facts, that pry us to crack, comply or react.

We lie to ourselves and then we lie on our backs, you may be mad that it's true and yes im sad that it's fact. 

____

I think on my feet and my minds always running, it's like my thoughts find it too hard to sit.

maybe if I had a mother fuckin softer stool, I could deal when life hands me harder shit.

my heart is ripped, I carved a list, depicting risks that I should bother with.

the shocker is, that its bombarded with, all shrapnel that you've been harvesting.

lately you're so condescending and defensive...it's kinda-sending the wrong message.

like a bomb descending on defenseless, old senses and it's so senseless.

when I'm sensing this intense tension, pent-up aggression lashing out for attention, with intention preventing my further affection, mentioning deafening divine intervention.

finding out just who I am, has been much greater than expected.

projected scenes; these vidid dreams, unveiled and resurrected.

looming overhead, I watched me choose the path expected.

good thing the heart that would not give in, still gave me my direction. rhymes are stuck in my blood forever.

ive gotta learn to love the little things, i always tend to over look.

for i can never close these covers, cause my life's an open book.

this world creates my story line, these words i use to bait and hook.

i hope that i can take these rhymes one day, and think "i made you look."

i understand im living blessed, my options here are limitless.

so imma' digga' bit bigger ditch, and let my jitters rest.

im quick with the bic, depict script over instruments.

get the right clique, then paste this as my evidence.

a closed mind's, a zombie.

no, that's not who fits around me.

brainless hatred demonstrates,

a break in faith, and leaves you drowning.

so surrounded by the sound and everlasting fear of consequences.

gunning since my birth, to hit my mark, there aint no stopping this one.

the reasons, im leaving, these seasons, were freezing.

ceased thoughts up in my head, the enemies had put the keys in...

went from neutral to drive, arrived to find im not defined.

i try and climb to higher heights, you'd rather climb inside my mind.

lividly spastic, couldn't imagine, living a life, so void of a passion.

figured we had this, fought when you'd trash it, when i got past it, none of it mattered.

on the come up, ive done what, i could not imagine.

so shut up, you dumb fuck, your hates not impacting.

or size up to me, because im bigger than your visions.

your views on life are blurry, like you chose the wrong prescriptions.

pre scripted out my journey, and im glad i haven't missed it.

writing more, than i ever have before, im glad im living.

...yeah, you know what seems alright with me?

how we all can walk this path as one, when we emit the light to see.

were all just humans, and it's useless, how we use hypocrisy,

to define ourselves, when more than not, are way too blind to lead.

we need a leader in the world, to pick our feet up off the floor.

do not fear feelings of failure, we need to bleed a little more.

take a shot, provide the truth, i hope ive got inside of you.

im not divided by a group, ive been inspired since my youth.

im not the only one thats left, right? left righting this fight.

left writing late nights, creating what is left...right?

when my heart was broken and my was mind d.o.a.

i knew i had my optimism, and that id always find a way.

to see a brighter side, the big picture, breath another day.

i never cared what people said, if they were never there for me.

i am guarded, but smart when, it comes to my heart.

i hope hatred dissolves, cause we've all felt its mark.

i'm a simple hearted human, but trust is a must.

and unjustly just trusting will just leave us fucked.

when we speak all sorts of evil, it can leap right off our tongues.

then come busting into us, and start combusting in our lungs.

so your daily life wont have to be, so crammed up with catastrophe.

i have to hand it to myself, my plans more like a masterpiece.

i live my life happily, and gradually im mastering,

ive factored all these factors in, my brains a fucking factory.

a haiku challenge?

right to the point like talons.

quick thoughts, find balance.

this is my first try.

my conceptual demise.

rhyme scheme put to time.

forgot I'd begun.

I just started now I'm done.

well this has been fun.