Off My Chest

I'm sorry. These things are on my mind, when I'm not head deep in distractions. I can't even understand why I don't share them to the actual people other than I feel like I need to be perfect first, that I need to be sure of what I believe. Also, I'm not using real names in this... just initials.

To myself,

Don't give up. Please keep doing the things that bring you closer to God, instead of the things that draw you further away. Replace those negative thoughts that are in your head, renew your mind from the lies and the filth you let into it with the words of truth. I'm sorry I haven't taken care of you as well as I should have. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, there's no magical way to suddenly do everything perfectly. I know you put some important things off, but try to look at a new day like you have a chance to stop the procrastination and be proactive. Don't give up! Don't let doubt consume you!

To my family (especially the ones who profess to be Christians),

You should know that not everyone who says they're a Christian makes it to heaven. You can do everything "right" and still not make it because you didn't have a personal relationship with Christ. I should have said something sooner, but I'm afraid of sharing the truth and I'm more afraid you won't want to hear it. On the positive side, there is still time to repent and put your faith in Christ and have a relationship. On the negative side, I am afraid for your souls but so selfish as to not write you an apology, because how I live matters and it hasn't been the most God-honoring. Yet I'm also selfish because I don't spend nearly enough time praying for you either.

To M,

I don't know if I'd tell you this, but one time I looked at you and could have sworn I saw a dark, heavy veil over your face. Like a great, thick darkness, and I'm not sure how legit it was. I know if you're anything like me, you have a great many hurts and traumas and feelings and unforgiveness you're carrying around with you. They can be let go.

To K,

I'm not a good friend. No one is good, really. But I feel like the worst friend because you're so nice and I don't want you to go to Hell. I'm just afraid of sharing the truth and losing you as a friend. I doubt my own faith and the way I live is just not the best example that maybe it's easier not to share it. Yet that's selfish, and I should be going to God and looking at the cross and crying out for a true change of heart.

To J,

You are so kind and so nice! I don't do the greatest job of loving my neighbors. Maybe I'm just afraid of change, and that's why I don't share my faith with you either. It feels challenging because my family doesn't live the most honoring to God either. I'm sorry for my hardness of heart.

To Work,

I have done many things I should not have done, yet I have always justified it in my head. It just seemed easier to go with the flow as much as possible but I have become apathetic and complacent in my work place. I also don't share my faith there at all either, afraid of what you'd think and what you'd say. It feels difficult right now when I know I'm guilty of a great many things in that enviroment, so I may need to humble myself and admit them. I feel like it's easier to not care about you than to heal from the rejection I so often feel when I am there.

To C,

I should warn you that Christians shouldn't be practicing yoga because it is a spiritual practice with positions based on false gods. I don't know if you practice it, but I know you have at least endorsed it before. There is a level of concern in me, I'm just afraid you won't take it or you'll get super mad at me or something. I hardly know you.

To D,

I don't know if I'm still interested in you or not. I feel like it would be healthy to take some space some days. I don't know why, but it is so hard to say to you that I need to take a day to myself, and it wouldn't really be your fault. I still like you, I just feel I am unhealthily attached to you, like a constant need to please you by being available to chat all the time.

To people in general,

Mandatory implanted chip vaccine is gonna be the mark of the beast. If you can't buy, sell, or trade without the Covid vaccine, it definitely looks like the mark of the beast. God can provide for you during this time where you can't buy, sell, or trade if you put your trust in Him. It's so hard knowing this and not saying anything about it. Also that there is hope and there is healing for people through Jesus and what he did. Demons (unclean spirits, Mark 1:32-34) are real, and they can possess the unsaved and oppress the saved, and deliverance is a thing that exists, though mostly for the saved because otherwise demons can come back in the unbeliever.