Oatmeal Raisin or Chocolate Chip?

"I'm confused."

"With what?"

"With what you want from me?"

"Because I can't decide what to do."

"This isn't something you let someone else decide for you."

"I helped you choose which cookie you should eat at lunch. Why is this different?"

"Because oatmeal raisin and chocolate chip are so friggin hard to choose between."

"...Right... Well, this is as hard for me as cookies are for you."

"This isn't something I can choose for you."

"You already said that."

"Because I'm serious that I can't."

"Dude, I am begging you. She won't know it was you."

"I would hope not, you'd have to be a special kind of stupid to say, 'Derek chose this.'"

"Please?"

"No, this is your choice. If I choose it won't be true to you and you might regret it."

"Okay, how bout you tell me what you would choose to do if you were in my position?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because we are basically the same person, you would do what I do."

"So you know what I should do?"

"No...Yes of course I do. You're an idiot for asking."

"What should I do?"

"You already know."

"If I already know, WHY WOULD I HAVE DRAWN OUT THIS CONVERSATION?"

"You're just nervous."

"No, I'm super chill and couldn't care less."

"That's not true."

"You suck at understanding sarcasm."

"I know."

"She won't."

"She won't know I suck at sarcasm?"

"No, she won't... you know."

"She will. She always has. You both have. The problem you're creating is all in your head. All you have to do is choose her. It's easier than oatmeal raisin or chocolate chip."

"So much easier."