His eyes. He watched with a face that almost broadcasts his memories to the world: The moment she chewed him out for not sharing with his little brother. The moment she held him as he wretched into the toilet. The moment she told him that she loved him. The moment he found her--lifeless.

She was a second mom to me. She would take us to the store and buy me a toy cause she knew my parents couldn’t afford it. She was the mom who volunteered to take all her son’s friends to the movies every week. She was a second mom to all of us, always encouraging us in our many interests. She was the best of course to her two boys and little daughter.

She died a few months before her eldest son’s friend was to be married and he was to be his best man. He delivered an amazing speech that didn’t leave a dry eye except for his own. Everyone could feel her absence, no one was more aware than him.

The Mother-Son dance. He had to watch his best friend dance with what he felt like he'd taken for granted. His eyes were the moment I knew true pain.

I need someone who will make me feel safe-

I can be that Man.

I need someone who can fix things-

I can be that Man.

I need someone who can show my sons how to fix things-

I can be that Man.

I need someone who will love me-

I can be that Man.

I need someone to show my sons how to love their wife-

I can be that Man.

I need someone who will be a role model-

I can be that Man.

I need someone who can fill the hole their father left-

I can be that Man.

Because of you, we can be—that Man too.

"I'm confused."

"With what?"

"With what you want from me?"

"Because I can't decide what to do."

"This isn't something you let someone else decide for you."

"I helped you choose which cookie you should eat at lunch. Why is this different?"

"Because oatmeal raisin and chocolate chip are so friggin hard to choose between."

"...Right... Well, this is as hard for me as cookies are for you."

"This isn't something I can choose for you."

"You already said that."

"Because I'm serious that I can't."

"Dude, I am begging you. She won't know it was you."

"I would hope not, you'd have to be a special kind of stupid to say, 'Derek chose this.'"

"Please?"

"No, this is your choice. If I choose it won't be true to you and you might regret it."

"Okay, how bout you tell me what you would choose to do if you were in my position?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because we are basically the same person, you would do what I do."

"So you know what I should do?"

"No...Yes of course I do. You're an idiot for asking."

"What should I do?"

"You already know."

"If I already know, WHY WOULD I HAVE DRAWN OUT THIS CONVERSATION?"

"You're just nervous."

"No, I'm super chill and couldn't care less."

"That's not true."

"You suck at understanding sarcasm."

"I know."

"She won't."

"She won't know I suck at sarcasm?"

"No, she won't... you know."

"She will. She always has. You both have. The problem you're creating is all in your head. All you have to do is choose her. It's easier than oatmeal raisin or chocolate chip."

"So much easier."